I saw you today. I drove by just as you were standing on the hill taking pictures. The autumn leaves were brilliant confetti beneath your feet. You looked lovely. I have to be honest. Sometimes I look at new brides and think oh, sweet Jesus. It’s not that I’m cynical. I’ve just been around awhile. My […]
I remember it was warm that day. I remember I was hungry. We’d left in a hurry. The drive took over an hour—even longer to find parking in a nearby garage. We made it to the bridge with just a few minutes to spare. “Mom, are you sure?” My 16-year old Charlie shifted next to […]
Diagnosis day always brings us up short. We’re not made for it. No one is. Even those more prepared—those of us who had the word autism circling the back of our minds like wispy smoke at a campfire—well, our knees still buckle at the formal announcement. How could they not? Autism. The next day we […]
Your name is Jack. You have autism. There were times I tried to contain it, but containing autism is a little like trying to hold a tornado inside of a bucket. It doesn’t work. The bucket topples over and you are left with a lot of lightning and wind. You can’t hide autism. My son, […]
When it came to sending our son Jack to a college program, we weren’t exactly on the same page. We talked about it night after night. We argued. We took turns making our case for why we should send him, and why he wasn’t ready. In the end we decided to try. Drop off day […]
“I would like spaghetti. With meatballs.” I saw you glance at him. It happens a lot. People often glance at my son. Then they look away, unsure of what to make of him. They don’t know what to make of his movements, his downcast eyes, his curtailed speech. My son. He was dressed a little […]
What did you think when he walked into the room? Maybe he was talking about soda—the difference between Pepsi and Coke. Or street maps. He memorizes street maps. I know how he looked, this 6’5” tall boy with a laptop under his arm. He looked weird. He looked weird and out of control. He was […]
What did you think when he walked in for his appointment? Maybe you saw a tall boy with glasses and thought nothing about it at all. Then he rubbed his hands together fast, like he’s warming up at a campfire. Or he hopped from one foot to the other, trying to regulate his nervous system. […]
Tender Mama, Forever Father. I know how nervous you are to begin this new school year. I know because I was you. I know because I am you. The days are still warm and bright, but the sun shines a little differently now. The air is tinged with change as summer comes to a close. […]
I had the son who bit the teacher. I had the son who couldn’t wait in line at the zoo, or sit through a meal in a restaurant, or play tag at recess. I had the son who slept fitfully and woke at dawn. I had the son people stared at in the grocery store. […]