I wrote my first blog post on May 9th, 2015. It was a letter to my son Jack on his eighth birthday. Since then, I have written every single Monday – nearly 500 new essays. Many of you have been reading about our journey for over a decade – the highs and lows of autism, […]
Little one. Let me hold you close. Here, now. Outside the window, November’s branches bend in the wind. There is an air of festivity in the hospital. Thanksgiving is less than two weeks away. You are my third baby in as many years. Once we are home, life will feel busy. I long to hold […]
Let me tell you my story. It is unflinching and real. I sit high above the buildings. The sky is a piercing blue. Below me, cars zig-zag around each other. People hurry down sidewalks, into restaurants and shops. Winter’s sun makes shadows on their faces. It smells like a city. There are too many parts […]
The restaurant is busy. Holiday lights twinkle overhead. The server sets the pizza down in front of him. He looks at it, then back at her. “This is not. What I ordered.” I start to speak. I think better of it. I lean back in my chair and fold my hands carefully in my lap. […]
We got a new stove last week. Two men arrived to install it. One was slight with dark hair. The other was grumpy. The stove didn’t fit. Despite sending someone to measure weeks earlier, the dimensions were wrong. The grumpy one huffed. The slender one apologized. They carted it off to the garage, where it […]
The holidays can be hard on a marriage. On top of jobs and taxes and kid stuff like math facts and teacher conferences, there’s wrapping paper. For years, I raced around searching for wrapping paper. I sat in our basement, surrounded by scissors and tape, and alternated between Santa patterns. Then we have wreaths. Extra […]
Late afternoon sunlight drifts across my desk. The trees outside are bare, their dusty leaves collecting on the ground. I read the text from my brother. Then I read it again. My childhood home. Sold. A family with two little girls. It’s been four months since my mother passed away. It seems impossibly long and […]
Hey Mom, what did you do today? My oldest son. Your voice across the miles. What did I do? Well, I did nothing. And I did everything. I noticed a broken window blind and scheduled an appointment for the eye doctor. I passed by your room and straightened the quilt on your bed, readying it for […]
He is always screaming. But sometimes he’s quiet. I can’t find a way to soothe him. He squirms when I hold him. He cries all the time. He’s not talking. He has no words. He won’t look at me. I don’t know what he wants. All day long he cries and I don’t know what […]
I have never once sat in the bleachers and rooted for you to hit a homerun. I have never sat in a stuffy middle-school gym and rooted for you to spell the word paragraph into a microphone. That’s the tricky thing about autism. It makes me consider how we don’t root for the same things as most. […]