“If this doesn’t work out, you’ll just find another program!” “Actually,” I said, “There really aren’t any other programs for him.” “Of course there are!” “No,” I told her, “There aren’t.” “Well, I’m sure you’ll find something.” Standing next to this lovely woman with a small plate in my hand, I felt something wash over […]
My oldest son. My firstborn child. The first in our family. I am counting on you. Of course I am. How could it be any other way? It isn’t fair. I know. I used to think life was fair. Then autism came on the scene in the shape of a 9-pound, 3-ounce baby boy named […]
To my son with autism, For the last eighteen years, I’ve made your bed. In the beginning, I smoothed striped crib sheets around a tiny mattress. Then there was the Thomas the Train quilt, followed by a pillowcase printed with license plates. Now, a blue and red plaid comforter. I make your bed instead of […]
The teenage boy stood from his seat and climbed the steps to the stage. Dressed in khaki pants and a plaid shirt, he shook hands easily—with confidence. He stood tall. Watching him, my heart swelled with pride for who he is, and who he may become. At the exact same moment, my mind flashed to […]
Dear Jack, For as long as I can remember, I wanted a crystal ball to see into your future. Once you walked, I wanted you to run. When you said your first word, I wished for a sentence. When you were in second grade, I worried about fourth grade. And today, I watched you wear […]
Is he high functioning? People often ask me this. It usually comes on the heels of my original offering—the offering of my son’s autism diagnosis, all baby bird in my upturned palm. I understand the question. I understand the desire to find footing upon the slippery bell curve. I understand because I do it all […]
I once read that you prefer the season into which you were born, and the Virgo in me dutifully complies to the searing orange and red of autumn. Yet this year, spring has taken me by surprise. I stand at our bedroom window each morning, marveling at how vibrant green leaves changed the landscape overnight. […]
I was chatting with a young mom last week. She told me her son had just been diagnosed with autism. She asked if I had any advice to share. I stumbled through a dumb answer about progress and hope and bell curves. Looking back, I wish I’d told her something else entirely. I wished I’d […]
My husband Joe doesn’t buy me flowers. It’s not his way. When I was younger this bothered me a little. Once upon a time in early fall, he and I stood upon a concrete campus, hands clasped, hearts racing. The trees glowed. If we knew all that was ahead of us, would we have stayed together, […]
I have landed in a strange world. The people here are very odd. They won’t stop looking in my eyes when they talk to me. They connect their gaze with mine and hold it until I look away. It’s creepy. They touch my arm and ask me many questions. Jack! Buddy! Are you playing basketball this year? I […]