Autism diagnosis day always brings us up short. We’re not made for it. No one is. Even those more prepared—those of us who had the words circling the back of our minds like wispy smoke at a campfire—well, our knees still buckle at the formal announcement. How could they not? Autism. The next day we […]
My son Jack has autism. He is eighteen. He was diagnosed when he was a little over a year. We were in a small room. The doctor was soft-spoken. Gentle. He wore a tie. Every once in a while, I catch a glimpse of that room in my mind’s eye. The brown carpet. The silver […]
My son. Autism connected us together in the complicated ways. For eighteen years, we were a “we.” I spoke when you couldn’t find the words. My regulation was the barometer for your own. I fought. I sat in stuffy conference rooms and made a case for inclusion and behavior therapy. I wrote emails. I made phone […]
“What’s the big deal? He can come home and work for the summer,” she said breezily. The room was noisy. I was trying to balance a plate in my hand. Bon Jovi played weakly over the speakers. I’d just confided in this woman—a stranger, really—that my son Jack is struggling in his college program. He […]
“What’s your secret to staying married?” she asked as she handed my husband Joe the receipt. He and I exchanged tentative glances. The previous night’s argument hung over us like a cloud. The first time I ever spoke to him, he was standing in line to return a book. The sky was a crystal blue. […]
Dear Jack You probably don’t remember this, but when you were a little boy, I had a necklace I wore every day. It had the word believe spelled in silver script. Whenever you started to unravel in the way only a toddler with autism can unravel, I would hold the necklace up for you to see. […]
Inside every photo is a story. You may not see it right away. At first you might observe the shimmering water and the way it meets the shoreline. You admire the color of the clouds overhead. From there, you notice the boy. A young man, really. He stands tall. His shoulders are squared. His silhouette […]
For the last twelve years, we’ve had a piece of paper taped to the bathroom wall. It’s a visual schedule. It lists out all the things my son Jack needed to do in the morning—brush his teeth, eat breakfast, get on the bus. We made it when he started kindergarten. I remember sitting at my […]
My son Jack. My husband Joe. I took this picture of them over the weekend. If I viewed it through a stranger’s eyes, I might believe it is nothing more than an 18-year old boy sitting next to his father. Both are relaxed. Happy. Yet there is so much this picture doesn’t say. Jack never walked. […]
“Don’t be a helicopter mom!” she said brightly. “You want him to function on his own, don’t you?” I looked up from my credit card receipt. I had just ordered a new pair of glasses for my son Jack. I am not a Helicopter Mom. I am a Forever Mother. A Forever Mother will spend […]