[May 9th, 2020] Dear Jack, Sixteen years ago today, you exploded into this world—nine pounds, three ounces of squirming pinkness. Daddy cried, to meet his new son. Today, you are over six feet tall. Your shoes look like canoes. You aren’t sleeping. I hear you moving around the house all night long—into the bathroom and […]
Sometimes when people learn my son Jack has autism, they ask if he is high functioning. They sort of stammer and shuffle their feet a little, as though they are embarrassed. The question doesn’t bother me, not in the least. It’s a good question, really. I just don’t have a simple answer. If you search […]
With autism in my life, I have had a lot of chances to grieve for things I thought should be mine, and his—a driver’s license, a job beyond counting widgets and sorting recycling, maybe a degree. I am not saying this so you will feel sorry for me, I promise. I am saying it because […]
I just love all of this family time. If one more person talks to me, I will light my eyelashes on fire. Starting today, I am going to eat healthy! Another cookie can’t hurt. I need to stop watching the news. Let me just check Facebook for a minute. These days are so long. I […]
Editor’s note: I wrote this post after talking with my son about his anxiety during this complicated time. Now You Know Do you try and go to bed, but your brain is making small fast circles and you stare at the ceiling while your heart beats wildly? You chase sleep like the wind, but you […]
It’s been twenty-one days since I’ve seen you. Yes, we FaceTime—several times a day. Yes, we talk on the phone, although you aren’t big on long conversations. What is the opposite of green? When do I go to New Hampshire? When do I go home? My son. Moving you into residential care was the hardest […]
Whenever I go to my grandmother’s house, I ask her about the time the world turned upside down in the blink of an eye. “Well, when I was twelve, something called Coronavirus ripped through our country. It was so scary.” I nod my head, and wait. “People were dying. There weren’t enough ventilators, or masks. […]
Motherhood is the best thing that will ever happen to you. The days are long, but the years are short. Soak up every moment. Oh, you work? Who takes care of your kids while you’re gone? Oh, you stay home? What do you do all day? Are you having trouble losing the weight? You should […]
Editor’s note: I wrote this post based on conversations with my son Jack, and from observing the incredible love he has for his grandmother and his grandfather. My Grandma is eighty one years old. She was born in Italy. The year was 1938. She is much shorter than I am. She likes to cook and feed […]
So, uh, he has autism. You know about autism, right? I’ve heard the word before. But what does it mean? When you asked me this, it’s as though time stood still. What does autism mean? Where do I begin? It means exactly one thousand different things. Autism is why he didn’t look at you when […]