Inside every photo is a story. You may not see it right away. At first you might observe the shimmering water and the way it meets the shoreline. You admire the color of the setting sun. From there, you notice the boy. A young man, really. He looks relaxed. Ever since my son Jack was […]
Just be normal. Have fun. Make friends. Laugh at other people’s jokes. What if I can’t, he asked. Try harder, they answered. Try bigger. Try with everything you have. I am trying. Be like us. Say hello when someone talks to you. Shake hands. Hug people good-bye. What if hugging makes my skin feel like fire? […]
Last night our son Jack called to say his debit card was declined. We sat on opposite ends of the couch, trading the phone back and forth, trying to calm him down. He was trying to order food from Uber Eats. French fries and a frozen Pepsi. We checked the account. There was money in […]
Autism diagnosis day always brings us up short. We’re not made for it. No one is. Even those more prepared—those of us who had the words circling the back of our minds like wispy smoke at a campfire—well, our knees still buckle at the formal announcement. How could they not? Autism. The next day we […]
My son Jack has autism. He is eighteen. He was diagnosed when he was a little over a year. We were in a small room. The doctor was soft-spoken. Gentle. He wore a tie. Every once in a while, I catch a glimpse of that room in my mind’s eye. The brown carpet. The silver […]
My son. Autism connected us together in the complicated ways. For eighteen years, we were a “we.” I spoke when you couldn’t find the words. My regulation was the barometer for your own. I fought. I sat in stuffy conference rooms and made a case for inclusion and behavior therapy. I wrote emails. I made phone […]
“What’s the big deal? He can come home and work for the summer,” she said breezily. The room was noisy. I was trying to balance a plate in my hand. Bon Jovi played weakly over the speakers. I’d just confided in this woman—a stranger, really—that my son Jack is struggling in his college program. He […]
“What’s your secret to staying married?” she asked as she handed my husband Joe the receipt. He and I exchanged tentative glances. The previous night’s argument hung over us like a cloud. The first time I ever spoke to him, he was standing in line to return a book. The sky was a crystal blue. […]
Dear Jack You probably don’t remember this, but when you were a little boy, I had a necklace I wore every day. It had the word believe spelled in silver script. Whenever you started to unravel in the way only a toddler with autism can unravel, I would hold the necklace up for you to see. […]
What if all we had to do was love our children? Love them through their mistakes, their poor judgment, their outbursts. Their vulnerabilities. Their moods. Their highs and lows. My son Jack is diagnosed with autism. He is eighteen. For eighteen years, doctors and therapists have told me what to do. Use social stories, try […]