I wrote my first blog post on May 9th, 2015. It was a letter to my son Jack on his eighth birthday. Since then, I have written every single Monday – nearly 500 new essays. Many of you have been reading about our journey for over a decade – the highs and lows of autism, […]
It’s late. Joe turns over beside me in bed. He mumbles something in his sleep. I envy his rest. My mind wanders, as it seems to every night at this time. I think of my son Jack. I feel an ache that is too familiar to describe. Autism grief is something that never quite disappears. […]
Little one. Let me hold you close. Here, now. Outside the window, November’s branches bend in the wind. There is an air of festivity in the hospital. Thanksgiving is less than two weeks away. You are my third baby in as many years. Once we are home, life will feel busy. I long to hold […]
Let me tell you my story. It is unflinching and real. I sit high above the buildings. The sky is a piercing blue. Below me, cars zig-zag around each other. People hurry down sidewalks, into restaurants and shops. Winter’s sun makes shadows on their faces. It smells like a city. There are too many parts […]
The restaurant is busy. Holiday lights twinkle overhead. The server sets the pizza down in front of him. He looks at it, then back at her. “This is not. What I ordered.” I start to speak. I think better of it. I lean back in my chair and fold my hands carefully in my lap. […]
A family is at once the easiest and the hardest thing to build. Think of it as a garden. Maybe you expected rows and rows of neat tulips, standing straight and tall in their church pews. You pictured them eating organic apples and placing the cores neatly in the trash can. Instead, you have a field […]
Thirty. That’s the number of Christmases we’ve spent together. Ours was an autumn courtship, so that first December was still tender and new. You teased me about my gift – implying you didn’t buy one. Back then, gifts were my love language. When money got tight, we decided to take advantage of after-holiday sales and […]
We got a new stove last week. Two men arrived to install it. One was slight with dark hair. The other was grumpy. The stove didn’t fit. Despite sending someone to measure weeks earlier, the dimensions were wrong. The grumpy one huffed. The slender one apologized. They carted it off to the garage, where it […]
The holidays can be hard on a marriage. On top of jobs and taxes and kid stuff like math facts and teacher conferences, there’s wrapping paper. For years, I raced around searching for wrapping paper. I sat in our basement, surrounded by scissors and tape, and alternated between Santa patterns. Then we have wreaths. Extra […]
I. Mother’s Day. A balmy green morning. He arrives, all nine pounds, three ounces. Instantly, I fall in love with his pink newborn ears, his tiny fingernails. My life is forever changed, in ways I cannot begin to comprehend. II. The crying doesn’t stop. He is sick all the time. A deep, barking cough. Ear […]