It’s late. Joe turns over beside me in bed. He mumbles something in his sleep. I envy his rest. My mind wanders, as it seems to every night at this time. I think of my son Jack. I feel an ache that is too familiar to describe. Autism grief is something that never quite disappears. […]
Little one. Let me hold you close. Here, now. Outside the window, November’s branches bend in the wind. There is an air of festivity in the hospital. Thanksgiving is less than two weeks away. You are my third baby in as many years. Once we are home, life will feel busy. I long to hold […]
The restaurant is busy. Holiday lights twinkle overhead. The server sets the pizza down in front of him. He looks at it, then back at her. “This is not. What I ordered.” I start to speak. I think better of it. I lean back in my chair and fold my hands carefully in my lap. […]
A family is at once the easiest and the hardest thing to build. Think of it as a garden. Maybe you expected rows and rows of neat tulips, standing straight and tall in their church pews. You pictured them eating organic apples and placing the cores neatly in the trash can. Instead, you have a field […]
We got a new stove last week. Two men arrived to install it. One was slight with dark hair. The other was grumpy. The stove didn’t fit. Despite sending someone to measure weeks earlier, the dimensions were wrong. The grumpy one huffed. The slender one apologized. They carted it off to the garage, where it […]
The holidays can be hard on a marriage. On top of jobs and taxes and kid stuff like math facts and teacher conferences, there’s wrapping paper. For years, I raced around searching for wrapping paper. I sat in our basement, surrounded by scissors and tape, and alternated between Santa patterns. Then we have wreaths. Extra […]
Hey Mom, what did you do today? My oldest son. Your voice across the miles. What did I do? Well, I did nothing. And I did everything. I noticed a broken window blind and scheduled an appointment for the eye doctor. I passed by your room and straightened the quilt on your bed, readying it for […]
I have the son who couldn’t sit still for circle time. I have the son who whirled around the doctor’s office, all moving limbs and screeching sound. I have the son with autism. I have the son who shrieked and clawed his way through puberty. I have the son who bit the teacher. He left […]
I know, it’s confusing. It’s confusing to me, too. You hardly knew her. We rarely talked about her. My mother. I’m erratic lately. For as long as I can remember, I’ve tried not to be erratic. Yet since she passed away, I’ve wept without notice. Every afternoon around 3:00, a deep fatigue overwhelms me. I try […]
It’s a chilly afternoon in November. The mall is quiet. A few people starting their holiday shopping. Two women walk into a store. It’s the kind that sells decorations for the home. Animals carved from wood, tapestries woven from silky strands. Although they don’t look alike, you can tell they are related. Mother, daughter. The […]