I have the son who couldn’t sit still for circle time. I have the son who whirled around the doctor’s office, all moving limbs and screeching sound. I have the son with autism. I have the son who shrieked and clawed his way through puberty. I have the son who bit the teacher. He left […]
The first thing she notices are the bushes. They reach over the sidewalk, forming an arch of green. Ducking beneath them, she thinks of her mother, reduced to ashes in a box. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Yet here, at this house, she is everywhere. Every corner hosts a memory. Tomatoes, plump and red […]
There is a tinge of autism in the air. We load the last of your bags in the car. I look to the sky. I think of newborns wrapped in blue. I think of spring. I think of sandcastles. I read somewhere that it’s easy to trap bees in a jar. This is because they […]
I know, it’s confusing. It’s confusing to me, too. You hardly knew her. We rarely talked about her. My mother. I’m erratic lately. For as long as I can remember, I’ve tried not to be erratic. Yet since she passed away, I’ve wept without notice. Every afternoon around 3:00, a deep fatigue overwhelms me. I try […]
“Tell me about his diet. Does he eat a wide range of foods?” I hold the phone between my ear and my shoulder as I reach for a gallon of milk. “Oh, yes, he eats almost everything!” Another intake call. That’s what I find myself on in the middle of the grocery store. The young […]
I read an article about a teenage boy who took a girl with Down Syndrome to the prom. The piece talked about how amazing he was—how selfless and kind. It touched a nerve in me. At first, I couldn’t quite figure out why. I mean, what this boy did was very nice. But it didn’t […]
I had the son who bit the teacher. I had the son who couldn’t wait in line at the zoo, or sit through a meal in a restaurant, or play tag during recess. I had the son who slept fitfully and woke at dawn. I had the son people stared at in the grocery store. I […]
“I’m sorry, Mrs. Cariello. Your son doesn’t seem to be a good fit for our summer program.” Spring always brings us up short. We’re not made for it. Just as the landscape comes to life in all its green glory, every obligation imaginable calls our name. Yet hiding right behind every fresh new blossom is […]
Autism diagnosis day always brings us up short. We’re not made for it. No one is. Even those more prepared—those of us who had the words circling the back of our minds like wispy smoke at a campfire—well, our knees still buckle at the formal announcement. How could they not? Autism. The next day we […]
My son. Autism connected us together in the complicated ways. For eighteen years, we were a “we.” I spoke when you couldn’t find the words. My regulation was the barometer for your own. I fought. I sat in stuffy conference rooms and made a case for inclusion and behavior therapy. I wrote emails. I made phone […]