I once read that you prefer the season into which you were born, and the Virgo in me dutifully complies to the searing orange and red of autumn. Yet this year, spring has taken me by surprise. I stand at our bedroom window each morning, marveling at how vibrant green leaves changed the landscape overnight. […]
I was chatting with a young mom last week. She told me her son had just been diagnosed with autism. She asked if I had any advice to share. I stumbled through a dumb answer about progress and hope and bell curves. Looking back, I wish I’d told her something else entirely. I wished I’d […]
My husband Joe doesn’t buy me flowers. It’s not his way. When I was younger this bothered me a little. Once upon a time in early fall, he and I stood upon a concrete campus, hands clasped, hearts racing. The trees glowed. If we knew all that was ahead of us, would we have stayed together, […]
I have landed in a strange world. The people here are very odd. They won’t stop looking in my eyes when they talk to me. They connect their gaze with mine and hold it until I look away. It’s creepy. They touch my arm and ask me many questions. Jack! Buddy! Are you playing basketball this year? I […]
Every time we go to the movies, my son Jack reminds me to remember the credits. He says, “For Mom. Remember the credits.” It’s his way of reminding me he likes to stay for the end. He likes to see the name scroll up the screen—Costume Director, Music Composer, Supporting Cast. From the moment Jack […]
My son Jack was diagnosed with autism in 2005. I didn’t know a single person with autism. I didn’t know anyone who was shuttling their toddlers to speech therapy or sitting through evaluations in small, windowless rooms. Sensory processing disorder was a phrase you might find in a medical textbook, not on a questionnaire for […]
Dear Me, I know what you’re thinking right now. You’re thinking he’s going to outgrow this. He’s going to outgrow the way he stares blankly at the wall when you call his name. He’s going to outgrow the way he traces the grout line between tiles for hours. He’s going to outgrow the screaming fits […]
The first time I went to an IEP meeting was in 2006. My son Jack had just been diagnosed with autism. He was barely two years old. I sat in a folding chair. I remember feeling nervous. I wasn’t sure where to put my hands. The room was stuffy. We flipped through the reports. We […]
I know I should have apologized today for my son Jack. I should have apologized for the way he didn’t answer when you asked him how old he is, or look up when you commented on his height. Still you packed our bags cheerfully—the new placemats and the scented candle. But I felt a tension […]
I have a son with autism. His name is Jack. He is seventeen. Every morning, I make Jack’s bed. I pull the sheets up tight. I smooth the blue plaid quilt and stack the pillows. I do it even though he is perfectly capable of doing it himself. I’m not even sure he notices, to […]