Late afternoon sunlight drifts across my desk. The trees outside are bare, their dusty leaves collecting on the ground. I read the text from my brother. Then I read it again. My childhood home. Sold. A family with two little girls. It’s been four months since my mother passed away. It seems impossibly long and […]
Hey Mom, what did you do today? My oldest son. Your voice across the miles. What did I do? Well, I did nothing. And I did everything. I noticed a broken window blind and scheduled an appointment for the eye doctor. I passed by your room and straightened the quilt on your bed, readying it for […]
We sit upright on the couch, listening to the news. Bullets raining hellfire on a sleepy town in Maine. A bowling alley, of all places. I take stock of my children. This what you do when tragedy strikes, no matter how near or far. College, basketball practice, upstairs doing homework. Down for his after-dinner snack, […]
He is always screaming. But sometimes he’s quiet. I can’t find a way to soothe him. He squirms when I hold him. He cries all the time. He’s not talking. He has no words. He won’t look at me. I don’t know what he wants. All day long he cries and I don’t know what […]
I have the son who couldn’t sit still for circle time. I have the son who whirled around the doctor’s office, all moving limbs and screeching sound. I have the son with autism. I have the son who shrieked and clawed his way through puberty. I have the son who bit the teacher. He left […]
It’s a chilly afternoon in November. The mall is quiet. A few people starting their holiday shopping. Two women walk into a store. It’s the kind that sells decorations for the home. Animals carved from wood, tapestries woven from silky strands. Although they don’t look alike, you can tell they are related. Mother, daughter. The […]
My son, I’m sorry. All I ever wanted was to protect you. And I failed. I imagined many things when you left for your college program. Homesickness. Trouble making friends. Perhaps a failing grade or two. I never imagined you would connect with someone online, meet them in person, and get in their car. I […]
“Don’t be a helicopter mom!” she said brightly. “You want him to function on his own, don’t you?” I looked up from my credit card receipt. I had just ordered a new pair of glasses for my son Jack. I am not a Helicopter Mom. I am a Forever Mother. A Forever Mother will spend […]
I saw you today. I drove by just as you were standing on the hill taking pictures. The autumn leaves were brilliant confetti beneath your feet. You looked lovely. I have to be honest. Sometimes I look at new brides and think oh, sweet Jesus. It’s not that I’m cynical. I’ve just been around awhile. My […]
Diagnosis day always brings us up short. We’re not made for it. No one is. Even those more prepared—those of us who had the word autism circling the back of our minds like wispy smoke at a campfire—well, our knees still buckle at the formal announcement. How could they not? Autism. The next day we […]