Tender father, I watched you this weekend. I watched you scan every crosswalk for speeding cars. I watched you eye the people around us, suspicious and wary. I watched you look at our son, your expression a powerful combination of pride and concern. All you ever wanted to do was protect him. If you ask […]
Just be normal. Have fun. Make friends. Laugh at other people’s jokes. What if I can’t, he asked. Try harder, they answered. Try bigger. Try with everything you have. I am trying. I am all the time trying. Be like us. Say hello when someone talks to you. Shake hands. Hug people good-bye. What if hugging […]
Dear Me, I know what you’re thinking right now. You’re thinking he’s going to outgrow this. He’s going to outgrow the way he stares blankly at the wall when you call his name. He’s going to outgrow the way he traces the grout line between tiles for hours. He’s going to outgrow the screaming fits […]
I know I should have apologized today for my son Jack. I should have apologized for the way he didn’t answer when you asked him how old he is, or look up when you commented on his height. Still you packed our bags cheerfully—the new placemats and the scented candle. But I felt a tension […]
I have a son with autism. His name is Jack. He is seventeen. Every morning, I make Jack’s bed. I pull the sheets up tight. I smooth the blue plaid quilt and stack the pillows. I do it even though he is perfectly capable of doing it himself. I’m not even sure he notices, to […]
Can you tell? When you see me ordering coffee, or mailing a package, or paying for gas, can you tell I’m a mother? I have five kids, ranging in ages twelve to eighteen. I have teenagers and one tween, and each one of them is funny and interesting and smart. Still, I miss my little […]
Let me tell you about my son. His name is Jack. He is seventeen years old. He wears glasses and he likes the color blue. He almost always orders a cheeseburger when we go out to eat and he is very, very specific about no lettuce or tomato. He has autism. Autism affects the way […]
Charlie. For you will start. To drive soon. Yes, Jack. That’s true. People ask me all the time what it’s like to have a child with autism. What is it like? To have a boy like my son Jack? I never, for one moment, forget he has it. Autism is the tympani of my background—the drumbeat […]
My son Jack is diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder. He is sixteen. Jack’s had autism for his whole entire life. I believe he’ll have it forever. I have lived alongside autism for sixteen years now. For the most part, I’d say I have made peace with it. Yet lately, I have moments when I am […]
Do you remember going to those meetings before we got married? In that pretty house down the street? We sat on big green couches, and listened to a couple maybe ten years older than us talk about vows and Catholicism and family. At some point a small boy raced through the room. The husband smiled […]