1. leagle11
    August 24, 2020 @ 9:07 am

    It just gets so tiring. I often say, I am most proud of what I have done for my son — and I am least proud of all that I did for my son (instead of him doing it himself).


  2. Kathy Wiant
    August 24, 2020 @ 9:26 am

    This is so very true! When we were in the early days of diagnosis with my guy, my husband and I attended a lecture by Temple Grandin and she made this exact point, emphatically. And I remember thinking, are you crazy? We’re barely keeping it together here, he still hasn’t strung together more than a few words at age 5 and you want me to teach him manners and to attempt self-control? Somehow, at some point, her message got through to us. And because we wanted some of that hope, that picture of the future, little by little and over and over we tried. Frustrating? Yes. Unending? Yes. Did it work? Ha! Sometimes. And yet now our little guy is 19 and he is attending a residential program transitioning from high school to life and sharing an apartment with 2 young men with various special needs, and attending life skills classes and trying out work internships and loving his rec trips and becoming independent. I am grateful that we heard Temple Grandin that day and so thankful that Carrie’s put it all together for us here – I never thought of it this way but she’s right, we do it because he matters.


  3. Sara Hammer
    August 24, 2020 @ 10:43 am

    Carrie, you’ve done it again, I’m sitting here bawling. I’m also watching my friends in Santa Cruz lose everything in the fires, so your line about making it your personal fire was a bit triggering, but I’m working so hard to figure out how to support my friends and loved ones during this time (offering place to stay, any resource I may have) while still supporting my autistic son and giving him what he needs to grow and thrive. Thank you, Carrie, much love to you. Xoxox.


  4. Maureen
    August 24, 2020 @ 2:29 pm

    Love this!

    I try my hardest to build Connor’s foundational skills. He’s almost 12yrs diagnosed at 19months, has a mild intellectual disability on top of Autism, anxiety, OCD.
    Without the foundational skills he would not be as far along as he is. I remember his BCBA told us “don’t worry about manners it’s okay people will understand”. That really bothered me and I insisted he learn to so “may I please” and “thank you” (which to be honest he says “thanks” a lot more which irks me a bit). I grew up with the manners police and ingrained in my soul is the full “thank you” but I’ve learned to let it go. Just those words alone are probably the most important for future relationships. Jack is amazing! I love reading about him and the rest of your family every week : ) P.S how’s the Peloton riding going for Jack?



  5. terismyth
    August 24, 2020 @ 8:45 pm

    When our son was about 9 we sent him to a “Courtesy and Kindness ” class nearby. He learned how to set a table, where to put your napkin, fork, knife and spoon. He learned how to excuse yourself from the table and many other social skills.

    It helped that his day care provider was an older lady who taught manners to all the children.

    Of course I still have to remind him sometimes to put the napkin on his lap, even at 26.

    It’s never easy seeing your kids not progress like the others, but I have learned that we all struggle with something, no matter who you are.

    Luckily, you have a large WordPress following of friends who are here to support you. We’ve been there. Done that.

    I admire you for posting every week. I haven’t been consistent. When I do make time to write, something or someone needs me for something. I don’t have my special place to write anymore because of Covid. But now I’m making excuses…

    Hoping your day gets better by the minute.



  6. Wilson's Climb
    August 25, 2020 @ 2:29 pm

    I so needed to hear this. The “why” we work so hard on certain things can be so hard to explain to those that don’t have to. Why we cannot chew on our feet, when to keep our clothes on and not screaming bloody murder when something changes. My son would be happy if we just left him alone to script and stim the day away, but we must work on all these things and so much more. Sometimes we need our fire relit- thank you for doing that, and sending extra autism-mama strength to us all. xo


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