We Will Come Back to You
Hello everybody, I’m Joey Cariello. I am the oldest of five siblings, and my brother Jack has autism.
Originally, I planned to write this post as a Mother’s Day gift, and center the piece around my relationship with my brother. However, when I sat down at my desk, a different narrative came to mind.
Right now, we’re all focused on one thing. It’s all over the news. It’s all people talk about. How we work, how we shop, how we eat and sleep and breathe has been affected by this phenomenon.
I haven’t even mentioned it by name, and you already know what it is. And in this time of infection and isolation, it’s easy to feel angry at those we see on the news, protesting and denouncing the uphill climb the world faces.
I know that the advice of “treat others how you want to be treated” seems tired and childlike, but in the face of a widespread socio-economic crisis, I think it’s best to remember that everyone goes through this a little differently. Take where I, 17 year old Joey Cariello am, for example.
As a high school student ending his Junior year, I should be breezing through life. I have no bills to pay, no unemployment money to apply for, no mouths to feed. I could cheat on every online test that gets thrown at me. Who would know? I could Google every question on the assignments I get, collect my barely-earned 100 and be on my merry way.
I haven’t done this though. In fact, I am barely doing my assignments at all.
Most adults would agree that there is no excuse to become negligent about what little students have on their plate right now. But a lot of teens are becoming negligent. Why?
Sans-health crisis, many students like myself would be focused on one thing: the future. We would be looking at colleges and trying to decide if we want to move far away, or stick closer to home.
I miss my friends. I miss my teachers. Their approval meant a lot to me, and inspired me to stay focused. I even miss the food in the cafeteria.
Instead of walking to the next room to take a class, I just click on another tab on my Chromebook.
I keep asking myself, now what?
As if trying to brainstorm ideas for a college major and an occupation to follow weren’t hard enough. Without the standardized tests, school counselor meetings, and bond of uncertainty found amongst most students, individuals like myself feel like we’ve lost the “tried and true’” system we thought was going to help us find a career we would enjoy.
For the most part, I have stopped thinking about this stuff altogether.
When my mother asks me about college, I get a pit in my stomach. I can’t picture it for myself. I can’t figure out how I will put all the pieces together in order to get there. SAT’s, ACT’s, teacher recommendations, admission forms.
My mother and father ask and ask what is wrong. They demand to know why my grades have dropped, and I don’t have an answer.
I don’t want to do my work. I don’t see the point, and that is the truth. I feel empty about it all. I’m not sure how to explain it.
I don’t know what I want to do for the rest of my life. I don’t know who to be. It’s as though I am staring at a great big white canvas, but I’ve lost my paintbrush.
Maybe you’re wondering why I am telling you this. I guess I want you to know, in the time of this pandemic, it’s important to be patient with those around us, but I think it’s especially important to be patient with your teenagers.
We are a little lost right now, but we will come back to you. We may not return the same way in which we left, but it will be okay.
May 25, 2020 @ 10:00 am
I really liked this Joey. You sound like you have perspective on life to me. My youngest son is autistic and my oldest son sounds a lot like you. He is kind and smart but lacks motivation. You understand life more than many adults growing up in a special needs family. I just want both of my sons to be happy. Life can be too stressful and you will find your way. It is ok to feel lost and unmotivated. Adults do to at times too. You are great and enjoy your summer.
May 25, 2020 @ 10:10 am
You can are at great writer like your mother. I think your voice is important as a sibling of a special needs kid. Keep expressing yourself!
May 25, 2020 @ 10:12 am
What a beautiful and insightful essay, Joey. I appreciate it as a parent, a mother of a teenager on the spectrum and — with odd specificity — as a college essay coach, who works with students exactly your age. Although a lot of kids procrastinate writing their essays because they just don’t love to write, I’ve never before had to motivate a student in a more global way. But I’m pretty sure the anxiety and dislocation you describe will emerge with this year’s group of rising seniors, so your insights are incredibly helpful. (Did you know there’s a new optional section on the Common App about Covid-19?) I hope that although your canvas seems blank and endless right now, you understand that these intertwined emergencies will end — they always do — and life will go on. That canvas will fill to bursting with color and noise and mysteries to unfold. This is your generation’s story to tell, and a writer as gifted as you are will find the right words. Best of luck to you as you conclude a tough junior year and tilt toward “what’s next.” I promise you will get there.
May 25, 2020 @ 10:24 am
Thank you for sharing. It helps to understand a different perspective.
May 25, 2020 @ 12:53 pm
Thanks, Joey
May 25, 2020 @ 2:11 pm
You don’t have anything to stress about in regards to your future. You’re clearly an intelligent, insightful, empathetic young man who has an incredible ability to express yourself. This is not necessarily something you learn in school but through life experiences like now.
It’s okay not to know what you want to be or what major you want to pursue in college, it will present itself in time.
You have a gift as a writer. Keep jotting your thoughts down even if you don’t publish them and who knows you may discover your true passion.
P.S. I for one would love to read your experience growing up as the eldest of five and older brother of Jack.
May 25, 2020 @ 2:14 pm
Beautiful post by a beautifully perceptive teenager written to a special mother.
May 26, 2020 @ 6:26 am
Just beautiful. Thanks for your willingness to be vulnerable, and open a question window into the silence.
May 26, 2020 @ 6:45 am
Ugh… “open a window”
May 26, 2020 @ 11:31 am
Well written, a very good insight into what you are feeling through all of this.
May 26, 2020 @ 12:59 pm
Joey…I hope you continue writing when you come back. Your words of wisdom are powerful, inspiring and profound. You have a gift.
May 28, 2020 @ 11:00 pm
I appreciate your perspective more than you will ever know….
May 29, 2020 @ 5:29 pm
Joey you have a gift for writing. Thank you for putting words to what so many are experiencing. I have shared this with all my colleagues and my students- and my friends who have teens. Hang in there. It will get better and when we are all back, it will be bright minds and strong spirits like your who will lead the way.
May 29, 2020 @ 7:28 pm
This really touched me Joey. Well done. I appreciate how truthful your voice was. It helped me understand what might be happening for my 16 year old son. Thank you!