I Am Jack’s Sister
I have a son named Jack, and a daughter named Rose.
Although Jack and Rose are three years apart, they have a close relationship.
They sit at the kitchen counter in the morning and munch on their cereal. She asks about his school, and he tells her bits and pieces. Every few minutes she places her fingers on his hand to remind him to use his spoon instead of fishing around in his bowl of milk for the Cheerios.
None of this is particularly unusual. Plenty of families have kids who eat breakfast together, and talk about school.
Yet at the same time, it is unusual, because Jack has autism. He is older than her in birth order but younger than her emotionally. He doesn’t like to answer questions. He doesn’t like to make conversation. He especially does not like to use his spoon. But for his sister, he will.
She gets him. I don’t know how else to explain it. She has mastered the art of waiting for him–of listening through the long pauses to hear what he has to say. She doesn’t seem to mind the waiting.
And in the eye of the hurricane—when the sour cream isn’t right or the lights are too bright or the line for Redbox is too long, it is often she who calms him.
She asked to write about him this week. I asked her some questions and she typed her answers, and when she finished, she stood over my shoulder and we edited it together.
In her words, I understood her tender, tenuous balance—on one hand, an uncertain fifth grader who is trying to figure out who she is and where she belongs. On the other hand, a sister who holds a magic sister-key to her brother’s complicated mind. And all the while, she believes the world is good.
It reminded me of something I once read.
“Validate my existence with your words, and I will speak to you all the day long.”
― Richelle E. Goodrich
My name is Rose. I am ten years old. I have four brothers. I am surrounded by all boys because even my dog, Wolfie, is a boy.
I am in fifth grade. I go to a nice school and I have wonderful teachers. But I don’t always fit right in like I should. Other girls make me feel nervous. People can be mean and I try not to care what they say.
I like the color blue and dark green. I’m not the best with dresses. If I had to pick it would be pants and a t-shirt. I also have short hair and I am pretty tall for my age. I want to be a primatologist when I grow up. A primatologist is someone who studies apes like Jane Goodall.
One of my favorite things to do is something our family calls Adventure Sunday. We make a plan in the morning of what to do, like a movie or to visit somewhere together. I think the best one was when we went tubing down this big river. I flipped out of my tube and we laughed so hard.
That was a good time except my older brother Jack kept trying to jump off this rope swing but he kept getting scared to do it. There was a line behind him and at first people didn’t mind, but the longer he took they got mad, and they shouted some things at him that didn’t sound nice. I felt sad and mad at the same time.
Jack has autism. He was born with it, and he’s the only one in our family who has it. I think that makes him feel lonely.
He likes cars, music, and how funny Mickey Mouse can be.
I baked him a whole cake when he had to go to summer school. He cried on my shoulder before the bus came in the morning, and I thought about him all day I decided a cake would make him feel better. It was vanilla with blue frosting and he ate a big piece of it when he got home.
I worry that people might think he’s dumb, but he isn’t.
I worry he’ll feel alone for a lot of his life because he doesn’t really have any friends. People don’t know him like I do. I try to listen to him, and help him if he has a problem.
Like one time in a restaurant, his food didn’t come out right and he got very, very mad. I gave him some of my food while he waited. It was easy to make him happy and calm. We’d ordered the same thing anyway, chicken fingers with French fries.
I don’t want to say I study him, but in a way I watch him closely to see his moods and the way they change. I watch him carefully to see the things he likes. I try to put on a kind smile every time he’s in the room, even if I’m sad. This way he’ll stay happy too.
I don’t like when people say he has special-needs. I know he has needs, but we all have needs.
People say I have a nice way with Jack, but I think if you knew him you would do the same. When things get tough you have to stick with him.

November 27, 2017 @ 8:38 am
Rose, this is wonderful and you are a beautiful person. Thank you.
November 27, 2017 @ 8:38 am
What a darling girl. You must be so proud of how she is with Jack.
November 27, 2017 @ 9:30 am
There are angels on earth.
November 27, 2017 @ 9:38 am
Rose,
I’m 28 – I, too, prefer pants and t-shirts to dresses, and I also have a brother who is a little more than 3 years older than me. In the 1980s, they weren’t as good at diagnosing autism in kids – my brother was diagnosed with a genetic disorder as a baby, and ADHD as a kid, but never autism, though he definitely displays some of the traits. We worry about our brothers because we love them and want them to be the happiest they can be, but I want to let you know that things will work out. My brother still lives with my parents right now, but he works at a job he likes, volunteers at an animal shelter, and takes my grandmother, who is 92, grocery shopping. They also like to watch TV together. I’m afraid that people judge him for the way he looks and acts, because people tend to do that. We can’t control those people, though. We can only control what we do. We can love, and be kind and patient. I admit that it’s not always easy, but you seem to be on the right path. Take care, we are rooting for you and Jack always.
December 1, 2017 @ 5:27 am
I love your comment! Thank you for posting this, Kay 🙂 And thank you for being the wonderful human being that you are Rose! <3
November 27, 2017 @ 9:53 am
I admire you, Rose, because you’re kind and have a really beautiful way of seeing deeply into others’ hearts. I appreciate that you’ve shared these thoughts with us today.
November 27, 2017 @ 10:28 am
Dear sweet Rose, you have a beautiful soul. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with us. If only all the Jacks of this world had a sister like you. Sending love xxx
November 27, 2017 @ 11:10 am
Rose, You are as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside! What an awesome sister you are! I have a 13 year old grandson with autism and he is also blessed with a wonderful older sister. It’s as if you both can sense their needs and can “calm the storms”. God has blessed us all! Sending Love to you and your entire family!
November 27, 2017 @ 11:14 am
Rose, you are a wonderful sister. Carrie – you should be proud of your girl!
November 27, 2017 @ 1:04 pm
Rose – you are obviously a very bright sister. Thank you for giving me a view into Jack’s life. May we all be more observant and caring when we see other’s who have Jack’s in their life. I actually have a friend who has a son Jack. He is like your brother Jack. May this the Christmas season bring your family many moments of Joy!
November 27, 2017 @ 1:08 pm
Love reading about your brother Jack from your perspective Rose. You are a very bright and loving sister.
November 27, 2017 @ 2:42 pm
Hooray for you Rose. You have an insight into your brother that no one else is able to access. And you have chosen to use it in a way that promotes Jack and helps you both to be a blessing to this world. I pray that you can continue to assist Jack in his very unusual journey that he faces in the future. God only gives these difficult tasks to those He knows will handle it, with the help of Jesus, and your family walking along side.
November 28, 2017 @ 6:21 pm
May I add to your beautiful comments? God and his Son Jesus keeps a watch over all of us, as he sees beauty and wholeness in each person he created. Nothing is too difficult for God to handle. How blessed we are to have Jack and Rose to teach us God loves everyone. Wishing you all a Very Holy and Happy Christmas.
November 27, 2017 @ 10:19 pm
God bless you Rose
November 27, 2017 @ 10:24 pm
What a beautiful soul she is.
November 27, 2017 @ 11:34 pm
Dear Rose, you have found the gift God gave you to use….a gift of such blessing which many fail to even look for….,that of a loving, kind, patient, persevering and understanding sister to the brother who needs it most, Jackaboo. I am sure this beautiful gift, albeit often challenging, extends to all your loving family and others who meet you along the way. Keep following that path Rosie, Jesus will be right beside you to help guide you and keep you strong, and Jack will never be lonely….like you say, “he has needs like we all do” and you are there with mum, dad and you brothers to help his.
November 28, 2017 @ 12:31 am
Rose, my two daughters also have a brother who has autism. They are also his best supporters and best friends. Thank you for sharing your love for your brother–as a mom, it makes me feel better knowing that my boy will always have his sisters to care about him and know him deeply. I bet you make your mom feel better too. xo
November 29, 2017 @ 6:11 am
Rose is perfectly named, beautiful with a lovely scent of love. She gives and has the greatest of gifts: love.
Love is always patient and kind; love is never jealous; love is not boastful or conceited,
5 it is never rude and never seeks its own advantage, it does not take offence or store up grievances.
6 Love does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but finds its joy in the truth.
7 It is always ready to make allowances, to trust, to hope and to endure whatever comes.I Corinthians vs. 4-7
December 2, 2017 @ 9:33 pm
Rose, you are a wonderful sister and friend. What a gift you give to Jack just by your gentle way with him. I am a mom of two boys. The younger one has similar needs as your brother and his older brother doesn’t speak to him at all, he thinks his younger brother is weird and difficult. It breaks my heart. You are going to make a big difference in this world somehow, just with your kindness.
December 4, 2017 @ 5:23 pm
Rose if my jacklynn is half a good a sister as you my son ray is VERY lucky
December 6, 2017 @ 2:37 am
Dear Rose,
Thank you for your beautiful essay, and for sharing about your brother. You are very wise and very observant. I had a little girl and she struggled with many things. People called her different, but we are all different. I always said she was unique, and that God knew what He was doing when He created her.
She is an adult now, and even though life was a challenge for her, she worked hard, did her best, and now she is a wife and has a good job. One day she wants to be a mom, and she has told me she hopes she has a little girl who is unique, too.
I’m so glad your brother has a sister like you.