17 Comments

  1. Gabriel's Angels
    May 4, 2015 @ 1:12 pm

    What an awesome blog post, as always! I struggle with the Blame Game every day – and it is always aimed at myself – by myself. So glad you found some blue cake mix :).

    Reply

  2. Jennifer
    May 4, 2015 @ 1:29 pm

    Thank you for writing this. I read this as well when my son was diagnosed and even though in my gut I know my sons autism is genetic, I can’t help but beat myself up for hearing gestational diabetes could be a cause just a little. I feel like I would have liked a heads up from my dr atleast when I was sitting there injecting myself with insulin every day for 4 mos. Not to say that I had a choice, but a heads up would have been nice. Still, like you I wouldn’t take my son any other way. He is the most rewarding and amazing thing I’ve ever done in my life but when your trying to protect your child from everything when you are pregnant then you hear something like this, it’s a hard one to digest just a little. Thank you for always bringing truth to the subject and tears to my eyes.

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  3. Scott Wilcox
    May 4, 2015 @ 1:58 pm

    Carrie, as usual, you hit the nail on the head.
    The guilt feeling was there in us for almost 5 years, before we found a doctor who didn’t want to give up either, followed yet another hunch, did the right specific test, and discovered the correct diagnosis for my daughter’s rare condition. Mother had been a heavy smoker, very light drinker before the fact. But worst of all she suffered a severe back injury from a fall just a few weeks after conception, before we knew of the pregnancy, and she took heavy narcotics while hospitalized, and continued the gestation in bed.
    There were so many symptoms, we had so many questions and none of the answers fit what we were observing. When we found out is was a faulty egg, a bad chromosome that could not have been predicted, a faulty UBE3A gene, didn’t run in the family, and we didn’t DO anything wrong nor could have prevented or predicted it, we got that GUILT MONKEY off our back.
    But she still has Angleman Syndrome, just having turned 30 in March.
    Research is on-going into possible prevention or prediction, but that has become secondary to the studies being done to find ways to relieve the mental delays, absence of speech, poor muscle control, seizures and tremors/dystonia.
    But like Jack, Heather learns, although in her case very slowly, from those of us who love her as I try ideas taken from some professionals, but mostly peer families.
    We in turn, learn unconditional love and trust from her.
    What a blessing she has been to me.

    Reply

  4. Carolyn
    May 4, 2015 @ 4:49 pm

    Hello Carrie,
    I knew early on my son was different too. I know that no matter what any expert tells me, I know my son better than they do. As an infant he was slow in motion but very early in speaking. I talked to him and played with him all day, every day and he responded in so many loving ways but was delayed in fine motor and gross motor skills. I had him take piano and gymnastics for 5 years and it kept him busy. He was always loving and brilliant but physically developmentally delayed. He is so high functioning that his diagnosis was difficult at best and I kept searching for 6-7 years before we finally did get the Aspergers diagnosis. Today he is a high functioning 20 year old going to college 2 hours away.
    I love reading about your special son Jack and your family. Our son had many fears and anxieties and it seems to me that with love and guidance somehow they come through the tramau of childhood and all of its’ complexities, that are so difficult to explain to children with autism. My son takes everything so literally but as he is getting older he is able to see some of the gray areas in life. Jack is one lucky young man to have such a big family and such a loving one at that. My son is an only child and I do worry about him, when I am gone. I hope that Jack is blessed with peace and contentment as he grows up. He certainly deserves it.
    Thank you for sharing your story in such a beautiful and insightful way. I hope that your writings help educate those that are not as patient and kind, and may all mothers who fit in your shoes be blessed with tolerance, forgiveness and understanding for those that just don’t get it.
    Warm regards, Carolyn and family.

    Reply

  5. susie
    May 4, 2015 @ 6:49 pm

    Thank you for yet again, helping me to see that there is nothing to blame, and how painful it was to hear friends, good friends, offer up their reasons for my son’s ASD…..ahhhh, as my eyes stung with tears yet again at your posts, my heart grows more strong and able to be even stronger for my son!

    Thanks!

    Reply

  6. Janet Hannam
    May 4, 2015 @ 9:55 pm

    I fully support the idea of genetics because of my husbands family. My wonder mother-in-law, a kindred soul, was married twice . She was a “floppy ” baby she says. She had two boys with her first husband, and a girl and boy with her second. The two oldest were raised by their father and she and her husband raised the next two in two very separate parts of Canada.
    After 38 yrs the children and mom were all reunited.
    Of the 4 siblings, 3 have Autism on various scales of the spectum.

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  7. Ann Kilter
    May 4, 2015 @ 10:00 pm

    I thought the same thing when I came across that study on facebook. I wrote something to the tune of it’s always something. Another cause for autism. Our blameworthy event was having a third child when others were starting to say something was different about our older two. It’s genetics here, too. Not vaccines or gestational diabetes. Fevers. Antiniotics during pregnancy. Well that tjird child isvgetting ready for grad school this fall.

    Reply

  8. Elle
    May 4, 2015 @ 10:03 pm

    Thank you for this poignant post. The overarching love and hope you have for your son and your family is familiar to me. It is very, very hard some moments, and the next are simply amazing. Your writing shares a sense of hope and peace that is chosen and fought for, it doesn’t simply appear. Thank you.

    Reply

  9. Amanda E
    May 4, 2015 @ 11:20 pm

    Your posts always leave me teary eyed!

    Reply

  10. Tammy
    May 5, 2015 @ 1:15 am

    Your topics are always so timely. Today I was telling a client that sometimes autism is a positive…he looked back at me and said really? yes, really. When we go to the pool to swim…Nash goes about the business of jumping, diving down and doing what he does and I go about my business. But, about midway…I tell him that we have 15 minutes or whatever minutes we need to until its time to go. At that time…we leave. No questions, no whining….Nash gets out of the pool and we go. I have parents come up to or yell across the pool…how do you do that? How can I get my kid out of the pool without a fight or whining? I tell them…its autism 🙂 My kid is obsessed with time, lateness and calendars….and that is because of autism. You gotta use what God gave ya!

    Reply

  11. oshrivastava
    May 5, 2015 @ 5:12 am

    Reblogged this on oshriradhekrishnabole.

    Reply

  12. Deb
    May 5, 2015 @ 8:11 am

    We all want a reason something happens. We don’t want to believe that it is random because random can’t be avoided or planned for. After my daughter was diagnosed I spent years trying to figure out what caused her disability until one day I realized it didn’t matter anymore, nothing would change even if I knew the cause. Jack is lucky to have you as his mother

    Reply

  13. Ellen Walker
    May 5, 2015 @ 8:54 am

    Isn’t it interesting that many people have to blame someone for everything? I was at the gas station the other day when the attendant saw my autism bumper stickers and struck up a conversation. He told me that he thought his step-son’s father was to blame for his autism. I quickly explained to him that no one is to blame, this is the way people with autism are born. It is how they are wired. I have had to explain this and many other details of autism over the last 35 years of my son’s life, including why John takes anti-anxiety medicine and sees a therapist. These are things he needs to be able to function in a world that is overwhelming for him. I appreciate your blog entries that help with much-needed education on the many aspects of autism. Thank you for pouring your heart out on a weekly basis in the spirit of autism awareness.

    Reply

  14. Amy Richardson
    May 5, 2015 @ 10:40 am

    Once again, an amazing post!! I believe you and I would be the best of friends if we ever met and I know our Jack’s would too!! Thank you for sharing your heart the way you do. I look forward to your Monday posts SO much!!

    Reply

  15. openyoureyes145
    May 6, 2015 @ 10:14 pm

    ahhh the world needs more people like you, jack, his family, and friends! what a wonderful support system you all have in place. amazing!

    Reply

    • Jennifer
      May 6, 2015 @ 10:16 pm

      Your inspiring me to write a blog

      Reply

  16. Jessica Ann Doerfler
    July 23, 2016 @ 9:47 pm

    I blame God for my autism.

    Reply

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