318 Comments

  1. oshrivastava
    January 19, 2015 @ 8:17 am

    Reblogged this on oshriradhekrishnabole.

    Reply

    • Alicia
      January 22, 2015 @ 10:33 am

      My son is 20 going on 21. 🙂 I have had all of those thoughts! LOVE – Unconditional LOVE ALWAYS, and your son will be just fine!!! I really enjoyed reading this. Thank you!

      Reply

      • Joyce
        February 9, 2015 @ 11:12 am

        Like Alicia I have a 22 year old son and I was glad to read this. Thanks for putting it to words.

        Reply

    • Noelle
      February 5, 2015 @ 11:39 pm

      My Husband works a company called Brain Highways. They get it amazing results. It is hard work but totally worth it. I get no money for saying or my husband just a caring former preschool teacher. Their website is brainhighways.com Best wishes for you and your family ?

      Reply

    • Lee
      March 9, 2016 @ 12:24 am

      This was absolutely beautiful. I love Jack. Stay strong like the super mom you are!

      Reply

  2. soletusknow
    January 19, 2015 @ 8:38 am

    Love this. As a teacher with some little guys who are finding their way, I so appreciate you sharing your humor, wisdom, and beautiful perspective. Yes, I’m thinking Jack was just “bornd-ed” this way for a reason….

    Reply

  3. Mark kent
    January 19, 2015 @ 9:56 am

    www.http://mark-kent.webs.com ________________________________ > Date: Mon, 19 Jan 2015 13:16:59 +0000 > To: mkentdad12@outlook.com >

    Reply

  4. Vera Volodin
    January 19, 2015 @ 10:31 am

    Thank you Carrie, your weekly posts are the boost I need to make it through another day with Daniel!

    Reply

  5. Karen
    January 19, 2015 @ 2:02 pm

    Carrie, I have to take issue with one sentence here: “I am not smart enough for that.” Anyone who can take the scope of human experience and insert it into an analogy of creating colored paint strokes between the absence of color and the totality of color is BEYOND brilliant. You do more to raise our awareness of autism than you know. THANK YOU!!
    Karen Maitland (retired teacher)

    Reply

    • Grandma RosieMerry
      January 22, 2015 @ 8:56 pm

      Thank you Carrie, and Karen for sharing your wisdom. I am a retired middle school English teacher, who before I retired, taught children who were categorized ‘autism spectrum’ and mainstreamed into my all abilities classroom. Each student was uniquely different from others in the spectrum as were as of all the other students in the classroom. We celebrated differences consistently and constantly in our learning activities via video projects, literature, written compositions, panel discussions, guest speakers, thank you notes to guest speakers, creative writing, etc…. Both the physical and emotional classroom ambiance was filled to the brim and overflowing with positive awareness and appreciation growth of different talents, personalities, cultures, strengths, and weaknesses. “We are all smart enough to be who we are meant to be.” My now 17 year-old senior grandson, Nolan, lives within the ‘autism spectrum’. He has had joys and sorrows with that diagnosis; however, these last four years in the positive environment of a YES I CAN Program, he has grown into a healthy comfortableness with who he is becoming. Next fall he heads into a community college program where our entire extended family is positive that he will continue to learn and grow uniquely, just like the rest of us. <3

      Reply

  6. Ann Kilter
    January 19, 2015 @ 7:12 pm

    I don’t know what causes autism for others, but in our house it is definitely genetic. However, perhaps genetics also has something to do with the variety ofvtalents in our family…a computer programmer (Will), a newly minted computer technician, and a budding historian. Perhaps Jack’s ability to remember all those types of gum at Wal-Mart is an indication of his talents.

    Reply

  7. HighFunctioningMomism
    January 19, 2015 @ 10:48 pm

    love, love, love! I, too, don’t know or care what causes autism. I fear the future of genetic testing will bring parents to terminate pregnancies at risk of the (dreaded) autism gene and they (and the world) would miss out oon wonderful little guys like your Jack and my Finn.

    Reply

  8. Wendy
    January 20, 2015 @ 3:15 pm

    Thanks you for this post! My boy doesn’t have autism, my boy has RADS. Rads isn’t like autism, we know exactly what, and WHO, caused it. But some things are mutual between yours and mine. They’re both classified as “broken” by the world around them, they’re both going to have life-long struggles that we as moms can only sit back and watch them go through with breaking hearts, and they’re both born the way they were for a reason that only the Good Lord knows. Thanks for seeing the color behind the black and white and loving him anyway, just the way his is!

    Reply

  9. Brittany Weatherbie
    January 20, 2015 @ 10:47 pm

    I have two boys with autism, a 6 year old and a 5 year old. When I say they are worlds apart, I mean it. Handling the careful balance of raising precious boys with autism is a daily battle. Full of up’s and down’s and diagonal’s in our case. My heart always has an easy smile when I stumble across articles or blog’s like yours. Thank you for this. You have a wonderful gift with words and I hope you always share your heart with others. ?

    Reply

  10. Cai
    January 21, 2015 @ 12:29 am

    As a trans man, there are studies to show we have a much higher-than-average rate of having autism, compared to almost any other demographic. I have been asked constantly in rhe last few years if I have it because I show “signs”. Yes, just like when I was a kid and my school kept trying to diagnose me with “ADHD” and “speech issues”. I know I am not neuro-typical, but I don’t need meds to “help” or “cure” me.

    But man do people come up with some crazy ideas of where stuff comes from.

    Reply

  11. Jason
    January 21, 2015 @ 12:50 am

    One other thing to note about all these supposed causes of autism is the other side effects…i.e. People aren’t getting their kids immunized because of this fear and that IS causing problems like this measle outbreak.

    Reply

    • Bridget
      January 21, 2015 @ 2:12 pm

      Oh lord not the horrible measles! An itchy rash with a fever that keeps you inside for a week in contrast to autism which lasts a lifetime…

      Reply

      • SleepyMom
        January 21, 2015 @ 4:36 pm

        Bridget, your comment is flippant. Just like you have a genuine concern about autism others may have a genuine concern about outbreaks of measles (or whooping cough or polio as many parents are forgoing all vaccinations). I think the point is that all of these “causes of autism” haven’t been proven and sometimes they lead to devastating consequences like deaths from vaccine-preventable diseases even if it’s only in a small percentage of people. It would be heartbreaking to have your child in that small percentage only to find out that vaccines have nothing to do with autism. The study that started the belief in a link between the two was retracted and the doctor who falsified the data lost his medical license. I hope all the people that suffered from vaccine-preventable diseases and even died of them did not do it for nothing but that may very well be the case. Either way I don’t think rude sarcasm has its place in this discussion.

        Reply

      • Derrik
        January 22, 2015 @ 2:36 pm

        Failure to immunize (an exercise that has saved millions of lives since its inception and exhausting research has proven has absolutely NOTHING to do with Autism) leads to dead people. I’d rather have a child with Autism who is loved and appreciated than a child whose gravesite we visit every Saturday afternoon.

        Reply

      • Terence
        January 24, 2015 @ 9:18 am

        People die from measles. People are disfigured by measles.

        On the other hand, there is absolutely no proof whatsoever that vaccines cause autism. None.

        Reply

        • cabrogal
          January 24, 2015 @ 10:09 am

          In fact there’s overwhelming epidemiological evidence that they don’t. Or, to be more accurate, if they do the incidence is so vanishingly tiny it can’t even be detected with some of the largest epidemiological studies ever carried out.

          Reply

        • Barbara
          January 24, 2015 @ 10:13 am

          Google Dr Stephanie Seneff. She has researched autism fir last 7 years and found Gmo’s cause it and vaccines kick start it.

          Reply

      • Chris
        January 29, 2015 @ 3:42 pm

        Measles has many side-effects which last a lifetime. My mom has been totally blind her whole life from having had measles as a child. I believe it can also cause deafness and heart problems. And oh yes, a few people have died from it. And they sure have a lifetime problem.

        Reply

      • Jane
        February 2, 2015 @ 1:23 pm

        Measles is a horrible disease, and pregnant women should not be exposed to it as it harms babies. Do not be so flippant about the measles, they vaccinate against it for a very good reason.

        Reply

      • Susan Goewey
        February 2, 2015 @ 5:17 pm

        (Sarcasm aside…) The case of measles I had as a kid was not horrifying… my son’s descent into autism WAS horrifying. And it happened right after his MMR which caused him to get very sick, spike a high fever and suddenly become dull, listless, get night terrors (which I’m told can be seizures), start toe walking, red rash on cheeks, etc. It’s really maddening to be told “definitely” there was no connection to the MMR with his regression. Measles is bad, autism (at least the degree that my son has) is far worse (than a typical case of measles)…Measles wasn’t a huge fear in our childhood…at least not until vaccine makers told us it was in order to market their combo shot. https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=1036493376365849

        Reply

        • cabrogal
          February 5, 2015 @ 7:23 am

          No compassionate person would belittle the suffering you have apparently undergone due to your child’s condition. Just as no compassionate person would belittle the suffering of the families of the 500+ kids who died in the US every year from measles before vaccination was implemented or the suffering of children’s author Roald Dahl who lost his daughter to measles.

          Perhaps you should look into your own suffering and consider the potential consequences to others of the anti-vaccine nonsense you are promoting.

          It’s really maddening to be told “definitely” there was no connection to the MMR with his regression.

          Yes, the pro-vaccination lobby lies too – though nowhere near as much or as seriously as the anti-vaxxers.

          No-one can honestly say there was definitely no link between MMR and your child’s autism. Just like no-one can say there was definitely no link between his breakfast cereal and his autism. But what can be said with great certainty, thanks to some massive epidemiological studies carried out in multiple countries, is that the chance that MMR might trigger autism in some individuals is several orders of magnitude lower than the chance that a child who contracts measles could die of it. And the chance that a measles patient will suffer permanent brain damage is several times higher again.

          Life isn’t about certainties, Ms Goewey, it’s about balancing risks. The risks that MMR vaccines might cause harm is not zero but it is absolutely miniscule. The chance that measles can cause harm is many, many times higher. And there is no evidence supporting the claim that MMR has ever caused autism, despite many researchers looking for such a link.

          Reply

      • Rhonda
        February 5, 2015 @ 4:46 pm

        Some children/adults die from measles in contrast to autism. There is no lifetime with dying.

        Reply

      • Elayne
        February 8, 2015 @ 9:44 am

        Actually, exposure to measles within the first 16 weeks of pregnancy can cause, death and serious birth defects so maybe poopooing it should be re-thought.

        Reply

      • Me
        April 2, 2015 @ 10:59 pm

        To all the people that say there is no evidence that autism is caused by vaccines, there is also no proof that vaccines don’t cause autism. I’m not saying they do because I don’t know, I’m just saying… I’ve done my research.

        Reply

  12. Tracy
    January 21, 2015 @ 2:06 am

    THANK YOU FOR SHARING SUCH A HEARTFELT & INSIGHTFUL ARTICLE. My step-son, Lance, was diagnosed this summer of being “within the spectrum of Autism” at the age of thirteen. His primary issues are lack of socialization skills w/his peers, intense concentration/fixations and lack of impulse control. While I don’t think of him any differently, (nor does his Dad), sadly his Mother is using this diagnosis to excuse everything from his bad behavior to having failed 7th Grade.
    My Stepson now uses the “Well, I am in the Autism Spectrum…” as an excuse for not turning in homework, not completing his chores, to being downright disrespectful – (Classic Teenager rebellion, in my opinion, went through similar issues with my now 19 year-old daughter) – but his therapist says absolutely not – it’s b/c he’s in the spectrum!)
    My point is, is that the folks who diagnosed him have never said exactly what it means to just be “in the spectrum.” I think it’s because they don’t really know. My Stepson is no doubt “different” in many ways, but I don’t believe that his diagnosis (if it is, in fact, accurate) should prevent him from being the ABSOLUTE BEST PERSON HE CAN BE!!
    His Mother, not surprisingly, is convinced that Lance “caught it” from his Father (because his Dad was diagnosed w/ADHD in his mid twenties)and that his school & therapist should be able to get him straightened out, when the truth is it takes ALL of us to work with him. I love my Stepson with all my heart as does his Father. We don’t care why he has it. We just wish we could get a more definitive definition so as to know how to be the best parents we can be for Lance.
    We love him as he is. Which is why your article touched me so.
    Admittedly, it is more challenging when you have an uncooperative ex-spouse involved who has an entirely different view on the matter and how things should be handled.
    But God will ultimately lead us through this and we will continue to love Lance, Autistic, at whatever level he is or is not, as that is what parenting is all about – as you clearly already know!
    God Bless you & your family.

    Reply

  13. Stacie Lewin
    January 21, 2015 @ 8:14 am

    You really hit the nail on the head with this post. I have two kiddos on the spectrum. I always am saying for now…. I thought that was really sweet what Lily had said. For a while I thought it was my fault and have moved passed that. I don’t even think about the what, when, or where anymore either. It’s about the hear and now. Yes I would someday like to know the cause. However, there are a million different theories out there. How to choose just one is a mystery. I really enjoyed reading this!

    Reply

  14. Kiki Leman
    January 21, 2015 @ 12:02 pm

    The day my daughter and I where told she has asperger’s, she looked at me and said so its not my fault. I wanted to cry. I told her no you are just made different for a special reason. She now will fight for those who cant, she hate the groups that use people with Autism and LOVES who she is and would not want to fix it.

    Reply

  15. Mac Sherbert
    January 21, 2015 @ 12:09 pm

    “Maybe I should have loved him harder, deeper, more when he was a tiny swaddled baby squirming in my arms.” — No not this. The theory of poor parenting never had any merit. My mom always says parents respond to the child. Meaning every child is different, has different needs and different personalities and parents only naturally respond to each child in a different way. You had trouble “bonding” that first year because he had different needs than your first son and was more demanding I would imagine in every way. You learned overtime how to effectively respond to him and when you did you bonded. The fact that you didn’t give up and did eventually bond only shows that you are an awesome mommy.

    Reply

  16. vinsgraphics
    January 21, 2015 @ 12:10 pm

    My two sons are autistic (one mild, one Aspie), I’m an Aspie, so was my dad. Dad and I were born in Australia, my sons born in Orange County, California. I do believe it’s genetic, even hereditary. Growing up in different places with different immunization protocols eliminate likelihood of environmental or injected causes. It’s got nothing to do with materials, bonding issues, what’s in the water, etc. It’s simply a difference in development, how the wiring was done vs. someone else. Nothing to cure, remove, medicate, etc. It’s what it is, period. We’re knowing more, accepting more, growing through it with time, dealing one day to the next. None of us are identical in symptoms, traits, what-have-you. The NT world needs to accept that we’re out there and they don’t need to fix us. Just listen, talk to us. When we’re up for it, there’s a lot to share.

    Reply

    • Paula Taylor, retired school psychologist
      January 29, 2015 @ 11:14 am

      You are a courageous, realistic woman who obviously has read and observed a great deal about autism.. I wish that more people could be like you as it would be helpful for all of the people who have children with autism, and, most especially, helpful for the men and women who are also dealing with the different type of “wiring” they themselves possess..

      Reply

  17. Kathleen Stuart
    January 21, 2015 @ 2:02 pm

    Carrie,

    Your post is so beautifully written! As a mother to an autistic son, I applaud you! James hated being different and I would remind him of all the wonderful things that he could do (and none of the rest of us could). As one of my favorite teachers (James’ special ed teacher from elementary school) said “Different is okay” and it is. It isn’t easy, but it is okay.

    Reply

  18. Marcia
    January 21, 2015 @ 2:03 pm

    I love that you mention looking around at your own family during the funeral and realizing “it’s” (ASD) in the room. The thing that always has stood out to me in the years that I’ve spoken to people who have kids on the spectrum is that if you start speaking to them about their family casually, at some point you start finding the relatives who also are expressing the genetic information – the uncle that only speaks to close family members, the aunt who is ” a character”, the grandma that happily over shares everything, the grandad that wouldn’t crawl because he didn’t like the feel of carpet/tile/grass/anything under his hands or knees. It’s all there, but people want to see it (ASD) as being something outside and foreign. On a forum I was reading, I read someone with ASD saying that we could thank people with ASD for a laundry list of innovations, and it’s true. If you think about it, that fixation that is characteristic of ASD is probably what’s lead to us knowing so much more about the world – what plants we can eat, how weather works, how to get energy from the sun. If you’ve ever worked in the tech field especially , THEY (ASD folks) ARE EVERYWHERE and they outnumber the “neuro typicals” 5:1. It’s always been with us, we just “see” it now… And that good and bad.

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  19. Mary
    January 21, 2015 @ 2:20 pm

    I have to say, I don’t know what causes it either, but if it’s lack of strawberries, then why is my son in there? We actually have a strawberry budget and have to lock the refrigerator when we have them in our house. He eats pounds in one sitting and they are usually gone before we even get home from the grocery store. So the strawberry idea is hilarious to me…
    ?

    Reply

    • Lisa R
      February 5, 2015 @ 7:24 pm

      I agree my daughter loves strawberries! This article was good however it breaks my heart at the same time. My daughter is in a residential and is low functioning and agressive. I agree she should be accepted in society but she isn’t capable of ever mainstreaming into what some higher functioning children can do!

      Reply

  20. Shanan Winters
    January 21, 2015 @ 3:05 pm

    I had to laugh about your son talking so much about the gum that WalMart sells. Every single time we drive past our local Red Robin, we get a diatribe about how they redecorated, and took out the claw machine… and then what was in the claw machine… and the other games (this Red Robin is on the way to hockey practice)… and why they shouldn’t have redecorated. LOL So, a couple weeks ago, I said, “Hey, did you realize you tell us that every single time we drive by?” And he goes, “I do?” Then on the way home, we get past the restaurant, and he goes, “Mom, I didn’t say anything about how they redecorated, or about the games, or about…” And that’s the NEW routine! LOL When you’re an aspie mommy, you learn to smile and nod a whole lot.

    Reply

  21. Marie Keates
    January 21, 2015 @ 6:25 pm

    I should think the problem with bonding is more to do with the spectrum than the mother. There is such a culture of blame in our society and, with autism, I doubt if anyone is to blame. It just is and maybe it is meant to be.

    Reply

  22. Christine
    January 21, 2015 @ 8:50 pm

    Please tell Jack, Mondays are blue. 🙂

    Reply

  23. Natalie
    January 21, 2015 @ 9:06 pm

    I would love to believe it was genetic since that would mean it wasn’t the vaccines that I chose to give him that caused his regression. Sadly $30,000 worth of genetic tests showed no genetic cause for my son. For him it was toxic overload from his 15 month vaccines. Here is a 3 minute video of him before and after his shots https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=at7W6yuezlM

    Reply

    • Jonathon Mathew
      January 22, 2015 @ 8:03 am

      I know of ONE other person whose son had an allergic reaction to an overload of vaccines (they accidently double dosed him), but there is still a probability that he had a “design” that lead him to convert to an autistic processor. There are cases where people become autistic after they are born (usually an accident of some sorts), but there is usually reason to believe that the autistic design is already prevalent in them (the frontal lobe is suppressed and the signals are rerouted). needless to say, if your son did not have the misfortune of “regressing” to an autistic state, it could have been much worse. Allergic reactions do happen with vaccines, as do accidental overdosing.

      Reply

  24. Lizzy
    January 21, 2015 @ 9:33 pm

    My boy wears glasses and doesn’t like strawberries either… hmmm could be a clue there? Maybe? Or not. Love your perspective here. You have explained it perfectly. Thank you!

    Reply

  25. Ramona
    January 21, 2015 @ 9:44 pm

    I just finished your post and im sitting here with tears pouring. Parts of your post really hit close to home. My 7 year old son was diagnosed with asd a little over a month ago, although it wasn’t a total surprise. It’s been kind of (very) overwhelming, but I’m pushing foward and trying to stay strong. This is the first time I’ve really cried. I’m not feeling sorry for myself, or Jack (I’ve got one, too!) He’s amazing. I think I really just needed a moment to release all the emotions I’ve been holding in, and to be reminded again that it wasnt my fault. I am a little sad, but I’m also happy, and strangely relieved. Because I’m learning about things that can really help my boy. Reading your post and all the comments reminds me that Jack and I are not alone. Thank you for sharing your story, and to everyone who comments and offers eachother support. You’re all special.

    Reply

  26. y2advisors
    January 21, 2015 @ 10:52 pm

    Reblogged this on Unwed Not Dead and commented:
    Putting Autism in Perspective…

    Reply

  27. Carrie
    January 21, 2015 @ 11:28 pm

    I love this. Such a real look from the inside of parenting a child with autism. Thank you so much.

    Reply

  28. jennyjohns08
    January 22, 2015 @ 3:23 am

    I love Lily’s reply, that he is the way is meant to be! My mom used to tell me that she loves me just the way I am, but she loves me enough not to want to me to stay that way. I think that can apply to all of our children.

    I am a speech therapist, and I have a little boy with sensory processing disorder and the resulting developmental delay. I definitely hate it, and I wish I knew why, and I had a hard time bonding with him during the 18 months of nearly non-stop screaming, but I love the boy inside of there! I see him every now and then, like the Wizard of Oz coming out from behind the curtain, and it always makes my heart soar!

    I have had a theory about autism for many years, though. I think the scientists are barking up the wrong tree, trying to find a single cause for all the kids who have these symptoms that we call “Autism”. Even if you stick with the strictest definition of the disorder, one study shows a genetic link, another shows an envionmental link but no genetic link, another shows hereditary traits without a genetic marker; they are all over the place. That doesn’t include the “spectrum” either! Then you get to the narrative evidence, which I don’t think should be overlooked. Too many people’s lives are changed by diet changes to rule out digestive issues. So in case you haven’t figured it out by now, my theory is that autism isn’t one thing. I believe that what the scientists are viewing as a single disorder actually is a syndrome–a collection of symptoms–with multiple causes. I don’t believe they will ever find a single cause, because there are many, and that is precisely so many different things seem to exacerbate it or improve it in different people.

    But, I’m just funny that way. Instead of choosing camps, I’ve found a way to say, “maybe you’re both right.” It’s just a thought.

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  29. Rego
    January 22, 2015 @ 3:43 am

    Genital mutilation! Hahaha! What a ridiculous notion that this could ever have any harmful effects, on brain development or on anything at all.

    Reply

  30. marytormey
    January 22, 2015 @ 3:51 am

    It seems to be an issues with protein digestion. Like my immune system attacks corn products making my joints flexible and causing excessive brain growth along with the allergic reaction. I notice other people who immune systems seem to function similarly, but with a reactions to different substances.

    Reply

  31. Peter
    January 22, 2015 @ 5:08 am

    As someone on the shallow end of the spectrum (mild Asperger’s), I know that it’s a balancing act. I don’t want to be treated differently because of my AS, but I also need people to understand what they can and can’t expect from me—the way that some social situations can seem like the psychic equivalent of a mugging (anxiety-inducing, exhausting, utterly unpleasant), the way my action paralysis can turn simple tasks into ordeals. I never managed to convince my one of my music teachers that I wasn’t lazy; I just could not get myself to practice. Maybe that was because at the time, I also thought that if I worked just a little harder, I could do it.

    I think that Jeffrey R. Holland, one of the leaders in my faith, put it best: “there should be no more shame in acknowledging [mental or emotional disorders] than in acknowledging a battle with high blood pressure or the sudden appearance of a malignant tumor.” Because the effects of Autism, Asperger’s, etc. are so pervasive and have such a dramatic impact on one’s personality, it’s easy to confuse the effects of the condition with the person inside. There’s a danger of feeling so disconnected that you think you’re on the “spectrum” first and a human being second. Not true.

    My Asperger’s is, has been, and probably will be (as long as this life lasts) both a blessing and a challenge, and I’m slowly learning to be grateful for it.

    Reply

  32. Melissa
    January 22, 2015 @ 5:12 am

    As another mother, who has been there, I first want to say thank you! I don’t care why he’s different. I just want to help him overcome his obstacles to become the best he can be. My aspie was a first born. He was a joy to have as a baby. We bonded well. That didn’t stop him from having autism. We heard that geniuses typically produce autistic children, so we liked that reasoning. But yes, perhaps vaccines did it. And perhaps removing food from his already self imposed limited diet would have helped. We didn’t, and we have been through many a fixation. At 22, our son drives, holds down a job, and most importantly to me, has friends. Our younger son said it best, tonight, “When he’s not in a rage, he’s a great guy to be around!” Thankfully, those are few and far between. I wouldn’t change him,

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  33. Jonathon Mathew
    January 22, 2015 @ 7:55 am

    shared on https://www.facebook.com/ParenthoodMaxandHank – a page dedicated to Hank and Max of Parenthood and their relationship to the autism community.

    Reply

  34. Violet cline
    January 22, 2015 @ 8:19 am

    I have a granddaughter who is autistic adhd. MR ocd and now pdd. She was diagnosed at 3 but I knew their was something wrong. Before that. Her ears would be infected they had her ears pierced at 6 months old not good at all we took them out her ears would be ok. So the lead in earrings yes plus immunuaction the m m r plus other factors. Mom didn’t take care of herself either in my case she drank lots of coffee. Smoked. Plus did methadone treatments while pregnant so my factors was related plus now if I had my son checked with his wife’s DNA well they may too have matched but now we have to help the child now. She was not verbal due to infections with the ears. NOW she has past the five year of withdraw from the meth. Now she is talking now but got lots of other problems we can handle it with meds. It’s an on going process ..each day is a blessing with the excitement of her learning she is now 7 going on 8 with so much to give now talking understanding things …I am a grandmas of a child who has difficulties but shall overcome some day.

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  35. Debra Daigle
    January 22, 2015 @ 8:39 am

    Our Deven is autistic and I agree with the “For now”. Beautiful post!

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  36. Suzanne Pringle
    January 22, 2015 @ 9:34 am

    As the mother of an adult autistic DAUGHTER. Yes. Girls can be autistic, too. Thank you for reminding me that she is who she is and if she wants to shop at the circle store on green I am happy to take her.

    Reply

  37. healthyeverafters
    January 22, 2015 @ 10:11 am

    Beautiful! Strawberries? I agree wholeheartedly with your perspective. He sounds like a wonderful boy. Just the way he’s supposed to be. Life gets much better when we decide to embrace our children for who they are rather than fuss over what they aren’t.

    Reply

  38. Dr. Nambudripad
    January 22, 2015 @ 10:15 am

    There is a treatment for Autism and allergy related health problems which are many! Have any of you heard of NAET. Look it up on youtube! “NAET” is an acupressure, muscle testing way of treating allergies! Check it out!

    Reply

  39. Barbara
    January 22, 2015 @ 10:19 am

    I have a 3 year old autistic boy. I found Dr. Stephanie Seneff on youtube. Please watch. She has been researching autism for over 5 years and she has the answers on the why our children have it. It is GMO, and the vaccines bring it out even more. Please look for her. She has a webpage with documentation showing the similarities between autism, dementia, and alzheimers. They all increased with the increase of Monsoto’s putting roundup in our seeds that is causing all kinds of problems with our insides. Please look into….their is a way to recover our children. I am doing it. Look for Kerri Rivera’s book “Curing the Known Symptoms Known as Autism”. When I first started reading her book 95 kids had recovered from the spectrum and since then it is 162 recovered. It works.

    Reply

  40. Kristin Whitehead
    January 22, 2015 @ 10:30 am

    This is amazing. I love everything you said in this. My son Bentley is 3-years-old. Next month we are beginning appointments for speech therapy and seeing a specialist for some developmental delay and are even having an autism screening done. This has made me more aware of autism and I really appreciate the way you put everything in here. I came across this article from a friend who shared it on Facebook. I know my son is different from his cousins who are close in age, because instead of saying “I love you mama”, he just looks at me and makes car noises. I’m ok with that right now…I’m not ok with my family telling me how he “should” be. I think he is the way he “should” be. I guess once we find out more from his doctors then I will know better what to do in our situation, but really, like you said, we know this is how they are supposed to be. 🙂

    Reply

  41. Sherry
    January 22, 2015 @ 12:06 pm

    Thank you for this! You put into words the things I think everyday.

    Reply

  42. Amy Sawaya
    January 22, 2015 @ 12:55 pm

    Love this. My sweet little niece is autistic. She definitely has her set of struggles, but she is so, so wonderful. You’ve put into words how I think a lot of us feel. Thank you so much for sharing!

    Reply

    • Copymensch
      January 22, 2015 @ 2:37 pm

      If you will permit an extended comment from someone who has autism—

      It’s made my life a living hell, because social skills glue the human community together and make everything possible. If I didn’t have it, I’d still have an IQ of 130, and be either a retired colonel, and/or a court judge. It’s been the ball-and-chain of my life.
      I didn’t hear of Asperger’s until the late 1990’s when I was almost 40 years old. By then, it almost didn’t matter; I had studied my own thoughts and behavior so long that the term “Asperger’s” simply gave a name to what I already knew.
      People sometimes ask what it’s like having Asperger’s. I tell them it’s like being in a three dimensional movie, in it but not part of it. We see the action going on around us, but we don’t feel part of it, kind of like it’s in a foreign language. We hear the words but they don’t tell us anything. What do they mean? So we comment on the movie and are shocked when the actors turn around and take exception to what we just said.
      Or being in it but not part of it, we ignore peoples’ comments because we don’t realize a response is required.
      A few years ago I crossed some kind of threshold where I began to pick up people’s social cues, and I finally felt like I was part of the movie instead of just an observer. I’ve seen the autistic world, and I’ve seen the real world, and the real world is much better.
      We can learn to read social cues, maybe not as well as neuronormal people, but well enough to function. I had some supposed “expert” on Asperger’s tell me in all seriousness that Aspies can’t develop empathy, they just think they do. My opinion was that it could be learned, and whether learned or natural, empathy is empathy. He assured me it was all a self delusion, I just thought I had empathy but I was just fooling myself. My response, in my head, was: “If I didn’t have empathy, I’d hurt your feelings by telling you how stupid I think that opinion is.”
      I had a lot of strikes against me as a kid. I was autistic, severely depressed, and at the bottom of the social ladder in our family. Plus I was pudgy, unathletic and did not have an appealing personality. By the time I was ten I was so depressed and alone that I just wanted to wither up and disappear.
      You have to recall that I was doing everything by myself, I didn’t have mentoring or scholarly literature available. Something (God?) told me that I needed to get involved in the real world, I couldn’t remain isolated. I’ve spent much of my life doing things completely at odds with an autistic personality:
      I went to college and got a degree. Went on to graduate from law school and passed the bar exam. Got a commission in the Army Reserve and served eight years. And flopped at all of them, on account of my Asperger’s. Got fired from almost every job I had. It was a case of losing the battles and winning the war. I learned something from every setback, and applied the lessons to the next project. Wars are won by campaigns, not by battles, and I was winning the war against my own limitations.
      I met my wife in 1992, but didn’t start dating until 1997. By then I’d learned enough social skills to make a relationship possible. We got married in 1998, and have been together seventeen years now. It’s about the only job I haven’t been fired from.
      I’ve pushed back the worst of it, the disconnection from the real world. There are parts I will never overcome, I’m still easily distracted, easily overloaded, and find my favorite obessions much more interesting than the real world.

      Reply

      • Copymensch
        January 22, 2015 @ 2:42 pm

        And yes, I think it’s genetic. Half a dozen of my cousins and two of my siblings have it. My great aunt, born 1907, probably had it, based on descriptions of her behavior.

        Reply

      • flippersandsnorkles
        January 28, 2015 @ 10:50 am

        I would so love to hear more of your story. Have you thought about writing a book?

        Reply

      • Tom Huntford
        February 13, 2015 @ 4:50 am

        Wow. Thank you for sharing that. I had no idea. I wish every parent and every person who has autism/Asperger’s could read this. I don’t think I have it, but I certainly can relate to some of the feelings Maybe introversion shades into autism? Any way, my hat’s off to you, and you have taught me and encouraged me. It may have been God–I hope you know Him directly, through Jesus. God bless you!

        Reply

  43. Micheal Ann Hodge
    January 22, 2015 @ 2:14 pm

    Hello Carrie, I cried as I read your blog post…I’m the Auntie of a totally awesome, exasperating, and beautiful 11yr old boy named Morgan. I get to see him almost every weekend during the school year and each weekend it’s like starting over. We (his Grandma and I) try to instill boundaries and celebrate his idiosyncrasies like shutting doors over and over again and knowing every kind of every sprinkler head and drain!! 🙂 His Mother does almost nothing to guide her son thru this life of Autism. So my Mother and I do the best we can to help him along. It’s a lonely road when we really have no say about what goes on in his life. Our lifeline had been our Faith in the power of our Father God! May your family be blessed along your journey!
    Sincerely,
    Auntie Micheal 🙂

    Reply

  44. Lalani
    January 22, 2015 @ 2:39 pm

    That was beautiful and you are a strong example the kind of mother I want to be. Thank you.

    Reply

  45. Anne Worsham
    January 22, 2015 @ 3:33 pm

    I can understand how you feel. There were times, early on, when I wondered also about how my second son could have developed autism.
    And I also came to the conclusion that it has a genetic component.
    My autistic son was actually a wonderful baby – peaceful, serene, loving. And I nurtured him, read books to him, celebrated his growth and carried him around a lot. He was an active, sweet and impish toddler, highly social and happy. Then the autism kicked in, and he changed into a different child, who spoke little and often put his fingers over his ears to block out the incomprehensible world around him.
    So I know for a fact that autism has nothing to do with parenting, because I could see how well-adjusted my son was before his autism manifested itself.
    Be comforted. I believe that everything happens for a reason and perhaps our children’s autism occurred to help us grow to be better people.

    Reply

  46. mswordwizard
    January 22, 2015 @ 4:03 pm

    Reblogged this on Mommy's Not Right and commented:
    This, exactly. 🙂

    Reply

  47. Joan jakubowski
    January 22, 2015 @ 4:58 pm

    You are a wonderful mom

    Reply

  48. Melissa
    January 22, 2015 @ 6:25 pm

    Thank you so much for this wonderful post. I have so many of these same thoughts. Loved reading it and loved being able to relate…I don’t do that much.

    Reply

  49. Lisa Simmons
    January 22, 2015 @ 6:27 pm

    Great post. My son is 30 (on Saturday Jan 24). I’ve felt all of the things you’ve expressed here. I never looked for a “cure”, just tried to create opportunities for success. We have a plaque that says “If at first you don’t succeed…redefine success.” That’s been our motto. Daniel is now married to a young woman with aspergers. He is still autistic. http://www.lisadsimmons.com

    Reply

    • Marilea
      January 29, 2015 @ 7:36 am

      Even though it’s been 44 years since Jeff’s (our youngest son) diagnosis was “Autism vs. Mild retardation?,” I have felt so many feelings this mother has. They never go away. My problem when he was diagnosed, I’d been told in Child Development class in high school that it was from not being nurtured by the mother. He was our most planned child (we were ready) and he was so loved by all of us – his parents, his sister & brother and everyone who was around him. I didn’t want to believe that diagnosis, for that reason. So much guilt with that! Jeff was brilliant as a baby and very good. He was happy, interacted, and did everything developmentally very early – he sat up, crawled & pulled himself up on furniture at or before 6 months old. I never put it together at the time (since there was so little known about autism then – they also said they didn’t interact) but he started changing after his booster shots at a year old, and then his MMR at 18 months old (he was the first of my children to get that, with the higher mercury). He went from a normal, happy baby to slower development in speech (he’d said “dada” at 10 months and other words, then stopped) and other things. I also resisted retardation, because he’s always been the most curious child and was so bright in a lot of ways. We still don’t know what caused it, and I guess we never will, but it isn’t hereditary, because no one else in his family or any of our families has had autism. I pray for this mother – I pray for all mothers who are going through this. It can be isolating (he’s been called a brat at social functions as a small child) and people have said, “Why don’t you correct him” or trying to helpfully tell us how to make him behave “normally.” We lose patience, we still are exhausted with him, but we love him. I pray the schools will learn more than they did when he went (in special education classes where he didn’t feel he belonged) and people learn more tolerance, since now 1 out of 58 children have Autism. It’s the most difficult thing, when they’re perfect at birth and then change before your eyes. I pray for all parents of children with disabilities. It’s not an easy job – even when they’re driving us crazy, we have to just love them, even when they’re not very lovable. I just looked at pictures from the negatives I found recently and he was such a beautiful little boy! My heart breaks for him because he’s always wanted to be what people consider normal and relates to them better than his supposed type! God bless us all and give us all of your strength. I’ve prayed that since his first diagnosis at 3 year’s old – “minimal brain dysfunction They’ve come a long way since then, but not far enough! My thought is if they can spend millions on sending men to the moon, they could have used some of that money to find out more about it! I wish I’d been as informed as you young mothers. Another guilt, but the doctors didn’t know enough about it back then. Good luck to all of you and all of your children. My heart goes out to all of you.

      Reply

      • Marilea
        January 29, 2015 @ 7:47 am

        I also meant to say, even if it was from his vaccinations, I told my other 3 children to get their children vaccinated, for the same reason you other mothers have. I told them to just be aware of any reactions – Jeff had high fevers – I was just given liquid aspirin (liquiprin) and never told to call if he had a bad reaction! My other 3 kids (and all of my grandchildren & great-grandchildren) have been vaccinated and no problems. As Carrie said, I believe some children are born with brains that just can’t tolerate certain things. He’s had other things that could have contributed to his. Ear infections from the age of 10 months to 3 years, chicken pox at 4 years and had a very severe case (they again put him on liquiprin – that was 1970) and other factors. I never tried the diet because so little was known about that, and he was a very picky eater, as I know a lot of children with autism are. God bless all of you!

        Reply

      • Barbara
        January 29, 2015 @ 12:41 pm

        Google Dr Stephanie Seneff. S he has researched autism for 7 years. She sees a correlation between the increase in Gmo’s in our food to the increase in autism, alzhiemers and dementia. It all makes sense. It isnt our fault our children got this awful thing. She also has a website that has shows all her findings. Google Keri Rivera too. Her boy recovered from the spectrum. Her book tells u how. kids who have recovered have gone from 95 to 156. My sons atec score is dropping from doing what her book says. It is never too late to recover.

        Reply

  50. saddlechariot
    January 22, 2015 @ 6:28 pm

    Beautifully written. I work with ponies, and Temple Grandin’s books on animal behaviour are the nearest thing I have to a bible. I know this doesn’t make the tough times any easier, but without Temple Grandin’s autism, Pony Access wouldn’t exist. http://ponyaccess.com/old-website/pony-access-what-we-do/therapeutic-ponies/

    Reply

  51. jan
    January 22, 2015 @ 8:32 pm

    Tears are flowing after reading about Jack. I , too, have a “Jack”. He is now an adult, but I remember the 3 years of night terrors & lack of sleep. I remember him being the odd kid, the one never invited to parties, the one for whom we hired a lawyer & fought the school district for appropriate placement. Now, this young man functions pretty well in the world: taking one college class per term, genius with computers, using public transportation, living in his own apartment. He has anxiety & panic attacks sometimes. He can make me crazy. I love him more than I can say. He IS exactly who he’s supposed to be! Thank you!

    Reply

  52. peggie paulus
    January 22, 2015 @ 9:09 pm

    Love this!! As a mom of three amazing boys two with autism (mild and aspie) i have said so many of these same things and i have felt so many ways about their diagnosis and what may cause it….but i most certainly agree that they are just how they are supposed to be.

    Reply

    • berval2014
      January 23, 2015 @ 9:11 am

      well said!

      Reply

  53. Jessica
    January 22, 2015 @ 9:27 pm

    Wow, I cannot stop crying. You spoke my heart. My son is in 4th grade and sounds so much like Jack. Actually, your life sounds like mine and it is encouraging to not feel alone. Thank you.

    Reply

  54. Wilma Howard
    January 22, 2015 @ 9:29 pm

    Thank you for that! My son was diagnosed with Autism when he was 11. I’ve always know he was Quirky. He has always had an IEP. Hearing it was still hard. It was all the people who know him and love him that said to me at different times “He’s just Andrew” that has always brought me full circle. He is going to grow up and be the best Andrew he can be!

    Reply

  55. Charlie Harper
    January 22, 2015 @ 9:58 pm

    Thank you.

    Reply

  56. Karen Robinson
    January 22, 2015 @ 10:06 pm

    I loved it and couldn’t agree more I have two boys three and five both with autism and although they take every ounce of energy I have I love them just the way they are I at first thought my age was the reason since I’m in my forty’s but don’t know doctor recommended genetic testing another six months before we see him. I will follow Miss Carrie.Unable to join support group at this time I love to hear other families experiences. Thanks for sharing

    Reply

  57. Laura Oliver
    January 22, 2015 @ 10:12 pm

    Thank you! This article reflects the way I view Autism. I have an 8-year HFA daughter

    Reply

  58. Sandy
    January 22, 2015 @ 10:22 pm

    I really love your article…I have worked w children for 24 years and know you are a blessing to many parents! God bless Jack! I know he blesses many people, too!….:)hugs to you both!

    Reply

  59. Sara
    January 22, 2015 @ 10:37 pm

    My daughter has Type 1 Diabetes, and Celiac Disease (as do I), and Hypothyroidism, and some unnamed social emotional issues. This completely sums up how I feel every. single. day. You’ve put into words what I have been feeling with my heart. Thank you!

    Reply

  60. Chella Rivers
    January 22, 2015 @ 10:59 pm

    I have 3 children on the spectrum (2 with Autism and 1 with PDD-NOS) They are 6,5 and 3. They were all born with it. I loved your back and forth section that was so much like me everyday…I’m okay with it…I’m not okay with it. I think guilt is our worst enemy. I never think I am to blame for the Autism…but I do blame myself if I don’t keep things in the right perspective, if I don’t accept, if I do or don’t advocate for mainstreaming etc. This journey is a nightmare and a fantasy. A trial and a victory. Keep your chin up mama. Here is my blog if you are interested in another Moms journey. http://chellasworld.blogspot.com/?m=1

    Reply

  61. This just made my day a little | julie42a
    January 22, 2015 @ 11:02 pm

    […] So I am still engaged in an epic battle of wills with my son’s school over what “transition” is supposed to be, and what his education is supposed to be accomplishing at this point. We’re at a bit of a stalemate, because I’ve called for reinforcements and they’re desperately trying to get me sign something before those reinforcements take over. A bit shady, but that’s how the game is played. No one wants to get caught being non-compliant with IDEA. It’s mentally exhausting. It shouldn’t be, I am not new to the autism spectrum after all, my son is 18. But it’s wearing me down anyway. I guess I thought by this point it would be easier, and I would know where we were headed. But nothing is ever that simple, is it? Anyway, today I found this piece, and it was uplifting. http://carriecariello.com/2015/01/19/i-know-what-causes-autism/ […]

    Reply

  62. Melodie
    January 22, 2015 @ 11:05 pm

    I so loved this and being a mom of a 31 year old with Autism, I can truly say my son is who he is supposed to be. I love my son just the way he is and would Not change a thing!!! ❤️

    Reply

    • Noreen
      January 31, 2015 @ 11:49 pm

      My daughter Natasha has autism.. She just turned 28 on December the 12th 2014 .. While she can somewhat function on her own . By that I mean take a bath alone , and do some personal things alone.. Still I know there is no way she could ever make it on her own. Do I wish my daughter didn’t have autism (Of course I do ) can I imagine my life without her the way she is ? No way.. she is my only reason for living and absolutely the most loving soul I know.. Long story short I don’t have any friends in our situation .. I would Love a friend ,,

      Reply

  63. Kim
    January 22, 2015 @ 11:07 pm

    I want to THANK YOU-As a counselor working with children, teens and young adults with Autism coming from a development perspective. I witness on an on going basis the mixed bag of emotions that comes with having a neurodiverse family. I will be sharing your story in the hopes that it will open the door for recognizing that there are no easy answers. Autism acceptance is the key-to understanding, to connecting, to growing. You’re children are blessed to have you as their Mom!

    Reply

  64. Gwenn
    January 22, 2015 @ 11:31 pm

    This is such a beautiful piece. You’re love for your son, your strength and joy are so precious I want to hold your words to my heart and give thanks. You are the best of what humanity has to offer. Thank you for this. Thank you.

    Reply

  65. TMS
    January 22, 2015 @ 11:46 pm

    This is gorgeous, beautifully put

    Reply

  66. Bonnie
    January 22, 2015 @ 11:47 pm

    Synethesia. I don’t have autism, but i have synesthesia. Wednesday is actually blue for me. Monday is red…We all have different things that make us unique.

    Reply

  67. Corie Skolnick
    January 22, 2015 @ 11:54 pm

    This. Is. Simply. Wonderful.

    Reply

  68. Jess
    January 23, 2015 @ 12:10 am

    I love what you wrote. My son doesn’t have autism. Maybe he had inattentive ADHD, maybe auditory processing disorder, maybe both (he has been diagnosed with both by professionals that claim he in no way has the other). I have three other kids who coast through school life while he works twice as hard even though he is equally smart. I read the possible causes (I was so excited when he lost his last tooth that had a silver filling). I have experimented with his diet. He is Ryan. He is Ryan. All the greatness and all the frustration.

    Reply

  69. sharon
    January 23, 2015 @ 12:11 am

    thank you

    Reply

  70. Kellie
    January 23, 2015 @ 12:23 am

    Bravo?? well said.. You had me at Wed is the color orange and then talking about the gum at Walmart.. You hit it in all relatable areas.. And yes they’re the way they’re suppose to be.. My son Mason has taught me so much and I’m thankful truly blessed and tired too!!?

    Reply

  71. amanda
    January 23, 2015 @ 2:24 am

    I have a 7 year old daughter on the spectrum. You said exactly what I feel. Thank you for this. 🙂

    Reply

  72. Stacie
    January 23, 2015 @ 2:30 am

    You took my thoughts and feelings and put them into words. Made me cry….

    Reply

  73. hadassah miriam - המל
    January 23, 2015 @ 2:41 am

    I was excited to read your blog as you excitedly talked about Jack and you can tell you love him and your husband very much. I have autism close in my daughter-in-laws side. I, too, thought it was genetic. But,….it’s a long story and would take a phone call…it’s late at night and I’m just establishing my blog yhebrew.com. We know of doctors who have helped these children. Epigenetics is a book (572 pages) you should read by Dr. Wallach that will prove that disease is not genetic. I know this is hard to believe, but another one of his books is a treasure in the Smithsonian, ‘Diseases of Exotic Animals.’ It all comes down to the absorption of minerals and nutrients in the womb. In the first three months if there is a break in nutrition to the baby, that is where deformity shows up. He says there is a window that is so key before that egg ‘zips up’ you might say. He has seen downs syndrome reversed in that time period with the mother getting on the 60 minerals, 14 vitamins, 12 amino acids and 2-3 essential fatty acids 3-6-9. But……the key to this is absorption. It is not what you eat, but what you absorb. So gluten can be critical. During pregnancy mothers should avoid wheat, rye, barley or oats. They can damage the villi which in turns stops proper absorption of foods and even supplements. My niece died at age 38 two years ago and I did NOT realize the seriousness of what gluten does to people. We are a sick nation and like a frog in a pot not wanting to face the problems of poor soil. I had five funerals (38-65) in 2012. My niece was one of them as she left three children behind after dying from an anorism to the lung. Their entire family showed signs of gluten intolerance and here I didn’t understand it. She had a 7 week old little boy. I tell you…my heart goes to all these troubles. Dr Wallach tells us that we are burying our children. My uncle Norbert, now 101, walked up to gravesite without a walker. He had minerals thrown on his garden from the wood burning stove in Iowa. It’s late… but I can not let people think there is NO hope. The Amish in the midwest are changing and producting food now with these minerals in the soil…we are too. I had one jalapeno plant produce 153 peppers….and it was still blooming when the frost got it. Healthy plants keep producing. I hope I hear from you. Our Brandon is a very smart A student at Iowa State. But, will he ever marry? Not sure….. His mother has stopped gluten from all her four children. They all have improved. You can hardly tell Brandon has a problem. We will tell in the future as his brother and he separate now that college is done for Nick. They are close, but Brandon’s confidence has come from his brother. I’ll pray for little Jack…..stop gluten now and listen to please. You sound and look like a great mother.
    Bonnie – Grandmother to almost 11.

    Reply

    • Shannon Rolland
      January 23, 2015 @ 9:39 am

      Please call me at 504-905-8403. I would like to hear more. Thank you Shannon Rolland

      Reply

  74. Brittany
    January 23, 2015 @ 3:07 am

    Thank you. This is exactly what I say about my sweet Lincoln.

    Reply

  75. Autumn Fury
    January 23, 2015 @ 3:23 am

    This is beautifully written, and so very true! I have two boys; my oldest, Jackson, is 15, and is “normal” (if there is such a thing!) and smart and athletic and handsome…shall I go on, hahaha? While my baby, Jay, is 9, and was diagnosed with Asperger’s when he was 5. We knew when he was 3, he had some form of Autism, because, amongst other clues, his favorite way to “play cars” was to categorize them by style and color. And, you know what? He is handsome and athletic and smart…sure, he struggles with reading, but there is not one thing about a dinosaur he can’t tell you!

    I am an educator, and have seen various forms of Autism over the years, and have found one constant that is true of Autistic kids and so called “normal” kids: every single one of them is different, but every single one of them is EXACTLY THE WAY HE’S SUPPOSED TO BE!! God doesn’t make mistakes. Who cares what causes Autism? Just care about the kids, period! 🙂

    Reply

  76. Melanie
    January 23, 2015 @ 7:05 am

    Wow!! Thank you..

    Reply

  77. Karin
    January 23, 2015 @ 7:19 am

    Thank you for putting into words EXACTLY my thoughts over the last 17 years. I have two sons on the spectrum – one Aspie and one high functioning, mild autism with a boatload of coexisting, overlapping issues. Some days feel hopeless, other days are triumphant. And the boys are exactly how they are supposed to be. How I wish everyone could think that way.

    Reply

  78. Stacy
    January 23, 2015 @ 8:27 am

    Truer words have not been spoken. They are exactly how they should be. My kids volunteer with and babysit autistic kids every day. Because of them I’ve had the privilege of having a house full of autistic kids daily. While all of these kids have been labeled autistic, they are so very different. And we love each of these kids because of their differences and the unique characteristic they bring. Zach who can copy from memory credits to movies perfectly, down to the punctuation and capitalizations. Ty who loves to clean and sing carpenter songs while he vacuums and cleans all my windows then tells us “no singing” if we join in. Markus who is never without a pair of headphones. Esteban who likes to break Markus’ headphones just to make him angry. Peter who knows every my little pony, monster truck and planet and then creates his own planets that have the same characteristics as marvel super heroes. Hunter who has the biggest smile I’ve ever seen and laughs at everything we say.
    Our lives are so much more beautiful, better and blessed because of these kids.

    Reply

  79. Jon Gilbert
    January 23, 2015 @ 8:41 am

    I agree! I have two children on the spectrum (a daughter who is 11 and a son who is 9) and always get a good laugh when the next article comes out saying this is what causes or may cause autism. I tend to tear those articles apart because they miss key points–such as the article on circumcisions being linked to autism. If circumcisions are linked to autism–why do girls have it?? This article nearly made me cry because I understand where this mom is coming from. I too, have had similar types of wonders. The most important thing is that no matter the cause or how hard it gets–loving our children for who they are is the best thing, in my opinion. I really enjoyed this article!

    Reply

  80. Lynn Jackson
    January 23, 2015 @ 9:21 am

    I hear you and I completely understand, but please look into Brain Balance therapies. My son is still very special, but he has come so far with just the home version of this therapy. In fact, the first question I asked is if his delightful parts would stay or go away with treatment. ( Abraham Lincoln is a cool person to be obsessed with). Brainbalancecenters.com. Believe all of the good stuff you read about it.

    Reply

  81. Kelly
    January 23, 2015 @ 9:58 am

    Thank you so much. As a mother to a 3 year old precious little girl, newly diagnosed with autism, you summarize all of my feelings. My sweet Maris is who she is supposed to be! Thank you again!

    Reply

  82. Alisa
    January 23, 2015 @ 10:22 am

    This is pretty much exactly how I feel. My daughter is just the way she is because that is the way God made her and she is perfectly her!

    I don’t let myself get to wrapped up in the why anymore – it’s just wasted energy!

    Reply

  83. Chelle
    January 23, 2015 @ 10:23 am

    I was diagnosed with Asperger’s, (high functioning form of Autism), along with a lifelong pervasive, (meaning it affects me in all areas of life, far beyond just academic and / or social), learning disability, (along with several less significant LDs I mostly grew out of by the end of high school), when I was seven, (1999).

    Before that my Autism appeared to manifest more extreme, including not speaking until I was about to turn four, and speaking almost only in recited The Lion King lines, with little speech comprehension, until between ages five and six.

    My first symptom, (severe sleep problems), manifested since birth and the rest started surfacing exactly when I turned one.

    That’s when it became apparent there was more going on than just me being severely asthmatic, (which I was from birth to early elementary school).

    I found out shortly following my diagnosis, and as a seven / eight year old having very little understanding my first thought was “Hey cool! I get something that makes me different, and someday God’s going to use it for something.”

    In the sixteen years since then I’ve seen ways my condition both is cool, and isn’t cool, ways it advances me, ways it makes things more difficult.

    I’ve had days I love being alternatively wired, and days I wish it would go bother someone else for a change.

    But in a general sense, if someone were to ask me if “I could be cured I would,” or if “I could go back and change it I would,” the ultimate answer is no.

    I’ve come a very long way yes. I believe in progress, yes.

    But I also believe in Neuro-diversity, this crazy idea that maybe the world needs more than one neuro wiring system than just the neurotypicals, and that I hope the Autism spectrum wiring system, never does completely disappear from the planet.

    Even before my diagnosis, I somehow knew my life was going to be different in some ways, and I accepted that already by the time I was in first grade.

    Reply

  84. Nicole
    January 23, 2015 @ 10:28 am

    Well said!

    Reply

  85. Lang Sims
    January 23, 2015 @ 10:55 am

    Thank you! For putting the feelings that I have everyday for us all to read. Because while I am sitting in my office feeling a bit silly with tears streaming down my face for everyone here to see, for once I feel like all of my confused feelings aren’t so “weird” after all. Thank you!

    Reply

  86. thewildeman2
    January 23, 2015 @ 11:19 am

    Very well written and well thought out. Excellent views.

    Reply

  87. Dempsey
    January 23, 2015 @ 11:31 am

    I was scanning Facebook to start my dreary rainy Friday morning. A very good friend of mine shared the link to your Blog. As a parent of a child with a different but as equally puzzling disorder, I read your comments and only want to inject two points, if I may.

    #1. We understand and feel everything you said, feel it every day. It’s the first thing on our minds in the morning and the last thing we ponder as we drift off to sleep. You will never truly understand how unalone you will ever be.

    #2. GOD doesn’t make mistakes. And we are not intended to understand the why some things happen.

    Keep the faith and may God continue to bless you and your’s.

    Reply

  88. puzzledbythepieces
    January 23, 2015 @ 11:36 am

    Wonderfully written. Thanking for sharing your experience and thoughts.

    Reply

  89. Simon
    January 23, 2015 @ 11:54 am

    So much to relate to, wonderfully written. I read somewhere recently about a study that had been done on autism, maybe from the Queensland Uni, I’m not sure. Anyway the guy that wrote the paper said he believed that everyone is on the autism spectrum somewhere, that many autistic traits and markers are evident in so called “normal” people. It’s when you get certain traits mixed with others that the level of autism can increase. It was an interesting theory on the genetic make-up of autistic people and makes quite a lot of sense. Certainly more than my baby caught autism from a vaccine.

    Thanks for sharing.

    PS. One quick question, how do you know Wednesday’s aren’t orange?

    Reply

  90. Jen Natzel
    January 23, 2015 @ 12:10 pm

    Wow! Made me cry. My son has epilepsy(and a host of diagnoses to go along with it) and we have many similar struggles. I don’t know why he was born that way but it was for a reason! He is a wonderful, remarkable, happy, loving (until his meds screw that up) child! And I adore him!

    Reply

  91. brennabombshell
    January 23, 2015 @ 12:13 pm

    This is really beautiful and heart-wrenching. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

    Reply

  92. Lisa
    January 23, 2015 @ 12:18 pm

    I love this article and your style of writing. My son is 8 and I never really think about the how or why anymore. I love him so much the way he is, I can’t imagine him being different. I do have moments where I wish things were less challenging. Lilly is correct – they are who they are supposed to be. Remember that they are in our lives for a reason.

    Reply

  93. Piao Xue
    January 23, 2015 @ 12:25 pm

    Autism ~ I don’t know where to start. I hate it; I like it
    I forced myself talking with my little one who was talking a topic I really did not like. I wanted to see what would happen if I did that. It went on a few hours, non-stopped! Got to find another way.
    Thank you for the article!
    I wonder if, let’s say if, anybody doesn’t act the way most people do or expect, he/she would put in the spectrum list?

    Reply

  94. objectsinculture
    January 23, 2015 @ 12:27 pm

    I do not cry when reading blog posts on autism very often, but I read them all the time. My son is five and diagnosed on the spectrum. This post made me cry so much. It is the ever-present battle within our minds about our children who are “just as they are supposed to be.” Thank you for writing this heartfelt and honest piece.

    Reply

  95. I Know What Causes Autism | Geeky Innovation
    January 23, 2015 @ 12:28 pm

    […] To read her article, visit I Know What Causes Autism. […]

    Reply

  96. Dave Branch
    January 23, 2015 @ 12:47 pm

    Not caring what caused this implies a callous indifference to plight of others who, however wonderful your child seems to you, might like to avoid this. Circumcision is linked by numerous studies to ADHD and PTSD-like symptoms, as well as difficulty with nursing and maternal bonding. Obviously, the terror inflicted on the newborn is a powerful insult to the sensory organization of the brain, as you are justifying his new suspicion and distrust. This cultural norm of circumcision is insane, propped up by centuries of greedy doctors and pious church-goers.

    Reply

  97. julielong03
    January 23, 2015 @ 1:53 pm

    I love this! My son does not have autism. But, he does have a genetic disorder that caused severe brain damage after birth resulting in severe developmental delays. I have had the same internal battles of loving who he is and wishing that some things could change. His sisters have said the same thing, and you are all right: He is exactly who he is supposed to be. He is our Matthew.

    Reply

  98. Richard Raynault
    January 23, 2015 @ 2:43 pm

    Love them, enjoy them, embrace them, help them!

    Reply

  99. Percy
    January 23, 2015 @ 3:04 pm

    This is a lovely reminder for those of us whose kids are a little different. After all, they are exactly as they are supposed to be. And the gum in the blue packet is, hands down, the best.

    Reply

  100. Debbie
    January 23, 2015 @ 3:30 pm

    So beautifully said, and so applicable to all of our children, with or without “problems”. Your comment on “failure to bond with the mother” made me sad, though. Your Jack was born with autism (I, too, firmly believe this), so I can’t help but believe that the autism made it difficult to bond. If he processes sensory stimuli differently because of his condition, then no matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t reach/bond with him as with his brother. Of all the possible “causes”, please cross this one off with a giant red X. You are obviously a loving mother, and Jack is blessed to have you.

    Reply

  101. Jan
    January 23, 2015 @ 4:04 pm

    I beg to differ – Wednesday is blue and always has been! lol Monday is red btw. 🙂

    Reply

  102. blackbeltoma
    January 23, 2015 @ 4:42 pm

    I don’t believe anyone with a disability is “the way s/he’s supposed to be” any more than someone with cancer or manic depression or cleft palate. Do we work with what we have, or don’t have, and give God the glory for how He brings joy out of sorrow? Yes. Is my son supposed to be unable to read other people, unable to comprehend language, or know how to have a conversation? No. And so we’ve taught him…me, my husband and a dozen therapists and teachers. Because, there is such a thing as “oughtness,” and my son, your son “ought” not be this way. If they are, why change them? Why therapy and ieps and meds and special diets?This is not an intelligence issue or a personality difference. This is a neurologist deficit.

    Reply

    • Barbara
      January 23, 2015 @ 9:11 pm

      I have a 3 year old autistic child. I found Dr. Stephanie Seneff. She has found some interesting information studying autism for the last 6 years. It seems to be tied to GMO and vaccines. She has a website and it has presentations showing how the rise in putting roundup in seeds is causing a rise in autism, alzhiemers and dementia. Please google and YouTube her. Very good information.

      Reply

      • maryjane41
        January 24, 2015 @ 3:30 am

        The issue of vaccines causing autism has been researched more thoroughly than any health issue in the world
        The myth has men debunked. Over and over.What we do know is that vaccine infants are causing an increase in deadly diseases. I’ve worked in counties that still have polio. It could happen here. Vaccines are safe and effective and don’t cause autism.

        Reply

      • B
        January 24, 2015 @ 1:45 pm

        The only important side effect of vaccines is life – the prevention of a spread of horrible diseases that would be eradicated right now if not for a red herring hysteria.

        Reply

      • Krista
        January 25, 2015 @ 12:18 am

        Get out of here with that fear-based nonsense. Vaccines and GMOs save lives. Science says so. End of story.

        Reply

      • vanman1973
        January 25, 2015 @ 9:32 pm

        The vaccine link has been debunked.

        Reply

      • Kat
        January 26, 2015 @ 4:53 pm

        Get another source of info. Don’t jjust believe the first person who tells you what you want to hear, never stop learning.

        Reply

      • Gaunt
        January 27, 2015 @ 8:12 am

        The rise in autism is also ‘linked’ to the rise in the Korean car industry. Seriously, put a graph side by side, and see how they are almost identical over the same period of time. Dont blame round-up, blame Kia.

        Correlation is not causation. Vaccines and ’round up’ (and Korean cars) have nothing to do with autism.

        Reply

    • kc
      January 23, 2015 @ 10:09 pm

      Your not changing them with iep and therapist. Your helping them understand and feel in a way you, already do, so easily. So that little girl was right, he’s just how he should be!

      Reply

    • Rachel D
      January 23, 2015 @ 11:33 pm

      I don’t believe Autism is necessarily a “disability.” Yes, some children are disabled from it while others are not. I love the way my child’s brain is different. It is so amazingly refreshing to hear about the world from such a different perspective. Is it maddening at times (like when the gum types are discussed for 45 minutes)? Of course. But my son is not disabled, and the world needs “different.” I believe people like my son do a lot of good in the world today and I fully expect he will too.

      Reply

      • A Cranky Spider
        January 24, 2015 @ 12:19 pm

        Gum is so gross. I hate that stuff. People make loud noises and get all STINKY with that stupid yucky substance. UGH!

        But the world needs to change and adapt to different people. It’s depressing because people aren’t used to different colours of people, different sexualities, different genders and expressing those in different ways. Dang it, society, catch up already!

        Reply

      • Robin Summers
        January 25, 2015 @ 6:00 pm

        AMEN! 🙂

        Reply

      • Robin Summers
        January 25, 2015 @ 6:02 pm

        Amen!

        Reply

    • Chaplain Deb
      January 24, 2015 @ 2:25 am

      We asked the same question (If they are, why change them??) but we answered it totally differently. Our answer was “We shouldn’t.” We decided that the oughtness is the thing that had to go; the idea that everyone needs to fit into the same little box, and that is the goal. Three of our six children have autsim (I myself am autistic). The oldest one had speech therapy for a year. Other than that…nothing. We decided to homeschool them. No IEPs. No meds. No special diets. Yes; it;s unconventional. And it was (and still is) really hard some days. It’s not for lack of ‘programming’ at the local school, and we’re not “anti-anything.” But we wanted to just work with them as they were and see how far they could go. They’re doing fine. The oldest autistic one couldn’t speak until he was four or read until he was ten. He’s now an English major and is in the honors fraternity at college; with no adaptations or accommodations. He still can’t read people or lie convincingly, or understand most jokes (except for the ones we tell – we roar with laughter over jokes no-one else understands), but this is turning out to be not such a big deal. The second one struggles in school but has an entrepeneurial gift (though she did dig up my garden and put dirt in bags to sell because she saw me buying potting soil). The littlest one is very smart but struggles with friends, so we’ve had to coach both him and his friends…and it’s made everyone a little bit better. Autistic sleepovers are a HOOT! I’m a chaplain and my kids serve with me in the nursing home, and my autistic kids will walk right up to someone and say “HI THERE! Who are you?” To them there are no black people or white people, old people or young people, disabled people or “normal” people. Just people who might like to hear your newest funny story or listen to your perseverative interest. They don’t even care if the person appears to be sleeping. The world needs people like that; people who “aren’t what they ought to be” and who make it OK that others aren’t who THEY “ought to be:.

      Reply

      • musingstranger
        January 24, 2015 @ 3:23 pm

        This has made my day. 🙂

        Reply

      • ariesprimrose
        January 25, 2015 @ 3:21 am

        I love you : )

        Reply

      • kneillbc
        January 25, 2015 @ 4:12 am

        Thank-you for your perspective. I think that as ‘non-autistics’ we can have a lot to learn about the potential of the ‘autistic mind’. You really are living the truth of being exactly who you are meant to be. You recognize that you want to be the best you can be- just like every other human being on the planet. People sometimes forget that MY best and YOUR best are going to be very, very different, but neither is better than the other! I would love to see how a ‘researcher’ would interpret your approach. Clearly, it has worked very well so far, and we all should be paying attention to that. Congratulations on finding your niche in the world, and in doing such a great job with your kids!

        Reply

      • shannonlaws
        January 25, 2015 @ 4:47 am

        I am so happy to hear it like this .. I agree this how the oughtness should be more of getting the world to understand not so much the ones whom have been diagnosed they know how it feels to live with autism every waking minute but why do they need to be like everyone eltes stuck in the box… I believe for the past five years I haven’t been able to crack a code neither… not that I would change my child he is very smart and his resilience is crazy at times he is the autism vigilante and do I think at times “what if he didn’t have autism… how would he react to things then ?”
        But, although I am proud of my child he has come such a long way to succeed in this life
        Damien is his name and he is 5yrs old … he has very limited speach…
        He likes mimicking the pledge of aligents and sounds of songs he is familiar with such as intsy wintsy spider or twinkle twinkle little star..
        Longest story short.. I am proud of my child as you are proud of yours but still at their age of 10 to 30.. dont you still have questions now that still didn’t get answered then?

        Reply

      • susan
        January 27, 2015 @ 2:35 am

        I loved the part about digging up your garden. I really had a good laugh out of that one.

        Reply

    • Adrienne Broomes
      January 24, 2015 @ 8:54 am

      Amen!!!!!! As a mom of a toddler with autism I agree- autism isn’t some cute personality quirk…. It’s a real issue-if like cancer people could die from it such opinions would not exist. It is imperative to find the cause of it- otherwise at the rate it’s rising the next generations will have serious problems because not all children/adults are high functioning or independent which is very heart breaking and costly for so many and I ache for answers to reverse this. People get touchy and say we need to be accepting- that’s not the point! We have to face we have a realistic epidemic that’s impacting our children’s future

      Reply

      • A Cranky Spider
        January 24, 2015 @ 12:21 pm

        Stop it. I had cancer as a toddler and could have died. And I have autism. I’m happy to be alive. Your child is a toddler now, but like most toddlers they will learn, they will develop and they will give a lot to the world! Just don’t think of them as having something “Wrong” with them. I would suggest reading Amy Sequenzia. She is a non-verbal autistic woman and BRILLIANT. It’s not an epidemic. It’s something we have to work with and we have to change attitudes and minds and make the world better for autistic people!

        Reply

    • A Cranky Spider
      January 24, 2015 @ 12:17 pm

      How old is he? A lot of autistic people can learn these skills over time. Or maybe even have conversations their own way?

      Reply

    • Jennifet
      January 24, 2015 @ 5:38 pm

      When my son was a baby he wiggled, fussed and cried when he was held. He didn’t like to be snuggled it was as if I was hurting him. No matter how gentle I caressed him. That was the beginning of his sensory issues, next came the language problems and lack of social skills. My son was diagnosed as having aspergers at 4. By 8 he no longer met the criteria. Beginning at age 3 we started working with him. He’s been in speech therapy, OT, behavioral therapy, with reading tutors, on a special diet, took probiotics and meds, and had two unrelenting parents that believed we could teach him. It was difficult, expensive and required great personal sacrifice. There were days I felt hopeless. I thought I failed him as a mother. How could I let this happen to my baby. But I’d cry myself to sleep and wake up ready to face it again. Today he is a different child, no one would ever know his struggle. He still has a few issues to address but we have seen unbelievable progress. Looking back I’m glad I never stopped believing and I’d do it all again and more! I think starting early made a difference.

      Reply

    • Dr. Gildersleeve
      January 24, 2015 @ 7:50 pm

      If what you say is true, then NONE of us are how we’re supposed to be. We ALL learn and change There’s a fine line between “disability” or “difference”. I prefer, like the author and mother, to embrace that grey line- to see myself and others (including the “disabled” people I work with) as both “how I’m supposed to be” AND growing to be a better me. It needs to be okay that sometimes, Wednesdays are orange.

      Reply

    • wilson496
      January 24, 2015 @ 8:44 pm

      The answer is simple….we don’t change them, we help and empower them.

      Reply

    • suekillmeyer6
      January 25, 2015 @ 8:09 pm

      ???? Intelligence, personality, and being human are all part of our neurology. What makes a “deficit” and who decides? I would hate to be the one to decide about how people ought to be, for sure. As far as change, I think we all help our kids to grow and acquire the skills they need to in the world they live in, on the spectrum or not…is it harder for some than others heck yeah.

      Reply

  103. journeywithjudah
    January 23, 2015 @ 4:55 pm

    I do not have a son with autism (he does, however, live with cognitive and developmental delays). However, I 100 percent agree with everything you said. What a wonderful post – and what a wonderful momma!

    Reply

    • Cheryl Brown
      January 25, 2015 @ 7:46 pm

      Our son does not have autism but like yours struggles daily with developmental and cognitive delays, seizure disorder, the list goes on. This mother so put into words our journey but I believe with my whole being that he is “just the way he is supposed to be”. For I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb!

      Reply

  104. Trisha
    January 23, 2015 @ 6:03 pm

    What a wonderful, well-written essay. I also have a child with a disability (though not autism) and you described the frustration and day-to-day difficulties so, so well. Thank you for sharing.

    Reply

  105. Ellie
    January 23, 2015 @ 6:18 pm

    “He’s exactly the way he’s supposed to be” is exactly right. We are all born with abilities and dis-abilities, different colored skin, eyes, hair, etc. It’s what we call diversity. Babies develop and grow. How parent’s, family, and society help them grow, maximize their abilities, and minimize their dis-abilities is what is important. It’s no different than treating a child, or even an adult for that matter, with a health condition. We treat to improve their life. As to causes of autism, I really don’t know. What I know for certain, is that in the last 40 years that I have worked in the human services field, there has been a fairly recent increase in the incidence of autism spectrum disorders. It is not all just better diagnostics. But I do believe that there is something in our environment that is changing our DNA. Whether it be toxic chemicals, drugs, etc.or some other unknown substance. Hopefully, improving our environment will lead to improving our lives.

    Reply

  106. Tara
    January 23, 2015 @ 6:27 pm

    My 6 year old boy with autism is high functioning. I could have written this post but not as beautifully or as elegantly as you. Spectacular work. Thank you for sharing.

    Reply

  107. Desiree
    January 23, 2015 @ 6:42 pm

    Thank you for this wonderful post. I am a Mom of high functioning Autisic identical twin 6 year old boys. I agree with all of the above & wish others would spend as much time embracing them as they are and focusing on what they can do instead of what they can’t do. Who cares where Autism comes from……honestly I think it’s here to stay unless a scientist comes up with a cause/cure. Until then, I’m not wasting my energy on the what if’s and why’s….I’m spending my time loving my only children just the way they are.

    Reply

  108. Laura Taylor
    January 23, 2015 @ 7:05 pm

    Thank you for your post. Our son is a 6th grader, but will be 13 this spring. Your right it would be nice to know what causes this, but it will never change what is right now and that is that you and I and everyone else here who has commented all have the children that we were ment to have and they are all exactly the way they are supposed to be. When kids in school tell my son that he’s weird, he says “Thanks, your kinda weird too”. The sooner we accept this, the sooner we will all be happier. I wouldn’t change a thing, except for the sleeping issue, as I haven’t slept through the night in like 13 years. 🙂

    Reply

    • Christie Cave
      January 23, 2015 @ 7:38 pm

      This is beautiful!!! So is your child. I am an elementary teacher and in the last ten years autism has definitely increased. I have had MANY autistic students. All of them are VERY special in their own way – not always easy – but so incredibly special. I have a student that I taught 1st and 2nd grade to ( I moved from 1st to 2nd grade for him) and he is now 16 getting his drivers license and we still keep in touch! Please have faith that your son will find his way in his own special way and always be proud of his accomplishments. God chose you for a reason. There is a reason for everything.

      Reply

    • Nelly
      January 24, 2015 @ 1:08 am

      I have a brother with Aspergers. These things help greatly. No guardian wants to accept this but marihuana is a mind blowing help to anger. Sleep disorder. Confusion. Etc. I couldn’t believe it until I seen the natural herb perform. Used properly of course

      Reply

  109. Pwayla
    January 23, 2015 @ 7:24 pm

    I feel like my pediatrician said it best — it’s a spectrum ….. Maybe we’re all on the spectrum ……somewhere. The more I learn about it, the more I believe it’s true.

    Reply

  110. Dee Schirm
    January 23, 2015 @ 9:06 pm

    I applaud you, You are an amazing mother who is supportive of her children. You Rock!

    Reply

  111. Jello Nice
    January 23, 2015 @ 9:28 pm

    I have nothing but my own understanding of the universe to back this but I believe that the sudden increase is evolution in action. Mitochondrial DNA, (M-DNA, not part of the double-helix in the nucleus DNA (DNA)) but code floating in the cytoplasm inherited only by the mother), I believe is similar to an Operations Control Language in a computer(OCL). OCL is a level lower than Programming Languages such as FORTRAN or BASIC, It controls what programs are run and what assets are made available to them. I believe that M-DNA is the OCL. It controls when and how genes are expressed. I also believe that M-DNA is sensitive to the environment. If you grandmother faced starvation as a child you are more likely to be heavy. Evolution is a long slow process but it is not a smooth arc, it moves forward in jerks and spasms. Environmental conditions seem to be the main factor that forces change. We are changing the world, and the world is changing us. We all have genes that are never expressed, within our DNA we hold the history of all our ancestors. We can trigger genes in chicken embryo and give them lizard teeth. There is an endless amount of directions the M-DNA can take the DNA. There is something about what is happening to the Earth that is driving the accelerated rates of Autism. Autism is not one thing or even a spectrum in the normal sense, it is a three dimensional spectrum. These dimensions you could tag X,Y and Z but I call them colors, flavors and degrees(CFD). Evolution is a shot-gun approach, wide-spread but only a few pellets have to hit the target. Most CFDs will fade out but there is something in the Autism Spectrum that will allow man-kind to survive.

    Reply

    • Jello Nice
      January 23, 2015 @ 9:34 pm

      I have nothing but my own understanding of the universe to back this but I believe that the sudden increase is evolution in action. Mitochondrial DNA, (M-DNA, not part of the double-helix in the nucleus DNA (DNA)) but code floating in the cytoplasm inherited only by the mother), I believe is similar to an Operations Control Language in a computer(OCL). OCL is a level lower than Programming Languages such as FORTRAN or BASIC, It controls what programs are run and what assets are made available to them. I believe that M-DNA is the OCL. It controls when and how genes are expressed. I also believe that M-DNA is sensitive to the environment. If you grandmother faced starvation as a child you are more likely to be heavy. Evolution is a long slow process but it is not a smooth arc, it moves forward in jerks and spasms. Environmental conditions seem to be the main factor that forces change. We are changing the world, and the world is changing us. We all have genes that are never expressed, within our DNA we hold the history of all our ancestors. We can trigger genes in chicken embryo and give them lizard teeth. There is an endless amount of directions the M-DNA can take the DNA. There is something about what is happening to the Earth that is driving the accelerated rates of Autism. Autism is not one thing or even a spectrum in the normal sense, it is a three dimensional spectrum. These dimensions you could tag X,Y and Z but I call them colors, flavors and degrees(CFD). Evolution is a shot-gun approach, wide-spread but only a few pellets have to hit the target. Most CFDs will fade out but there is something in the Autism Spectrum that will allow man-kind to survive.
      I apologize for such a wordy post but as someone who has checked out all these other theories, I would like to know what you think of mine. Please reply. Peace Jello

      Reply

      • tuacaa
        January 24, 2015 @ 12:10 pm

        I also believe the increase in some types of Autism and ADHD are tied to human evolution. The good news is that the changes I am seeing in educational instructional methods, use of technology, and increase in movement and exercise breaks, and overall teacher flexibility, at least in California, are benefiting these children. This should improve even more as the numbers of students with ADHD and Autism increase until we get to the point where strengths are the main focus and the word “disability” is changed to “difference.” That combined with diet and exercise will allow these students to reach their true potential.

        Reply

    • Barbara
      January 24, 2015 @ 10:49 am

      look for Dr. Stephanie Seneff. she has researched autism for 7yrs. she found the rise in our gmo food is the same as the rise in autism, alzhiemers and dementia. she works at MIT. google her and youtube. it all makes sense.

      Reply

      • Jonathon Mathew
        January 24, 2015 @ 11:57 am

        10931101_10155250240530647_4691965140116888349_n.jpg?oh=612e98bddda5bce7b5dd3837391db09c&oe=556CB312

        Reply

      • Jonathon Mathew
        January 24, 2015 @ 12:02 pm

        The rise in autism is primarily because of the re-definition. Autism has only been a “self-existing diagnosis” for just a few decades(originally it was lumped as a schizophrenic disease), and aspergers was not really diagnosed at all (they were just the troubled kids). I was never diagnosed, nor were any of my parents or grandparents, but there is reason to believe it is there, but my son is diagnosed, and my nephew has a spectrum like diagnosis, so that literally is a 200% growth in diagnosis in my family alone. but if everyone in my family who has spectrum traits had been diagnosed (at least pdd-nos), then there would be no “epidemic”, but simply a trend

        Reply

      • ukvillafan
        January 26, 2015 @ 5:39 pm

        Correlation, even if it exists, is not causation.

        Reply

      • Luna (@Heading_West)
        January 27, 2015 @ 3:41 pm

        Mathew: No. Not redefinition. Nope. Sure, that accounts for some of it, Asperger Syndrome, for example, but there is also a HUGE increase in so-called ‘low-functioning’ autism.

        Reply

  112. cabrogal
    January 23, 2015 @ 9:38 pm

    I love the sentiment of this post. In fact we are all exactly the way we are meant to be and that realisation is the key to accepting not only those who are ‘different’, but everyone else and, especially, ourselves.

    But I think you’re on the wrong track with the DNA thing.

    If it was one gene or any combination of up to a dozen or so it would already have been found. There’s been a lot of work in bioinformatics in the last 20 years and all of those big computers crunching all of those DNA databases would have spotted something by now.

    If it was a very complex interaction of many genes that result in many genetic pathways to autism the bioinformaticists may have missed it, but then you’d be hard pressed explaining the increase in recent decades. The average human genome just doesn’t change that rapidly.

    It could be epigenetic (i.e. to do with the switching of genes rather than which ones are present) but epigenetic changes are believed to have environmental triggers. So we’re back to square one. What is the environmental cause. Of course that cause may not have directly affected Jack at all. It could have happened to you, your partner or even one or more of Jack’s grandparents or great-grandparents.

    To me it seems most likely to be developmental in the womb. He was bornd-ed that way. There would have been some environmental cause but it’s likely very subtle and there are probably multiple factors involved.

    I wouldn’t stake too much on a cause ever being discovered. After over a century there’s still no broad agreement on causes of any of the mental illnesses, nor are there biological markers or agreed diagnostics, beyond fuzzy symptomology that is decided and periodically revised by a committee via the tried and true ‘scientific’ method of a vote. I don’t imagine autism is any simpler than schizophrenia or bipolar so I wouldn’t think it any more susceptible to analysis under current psychological and neurological paradigms.

    Reply

    • Barbara
      January 24, 2015 @ 10:50 am

      look for Dr. Stephanie Seneff. she has researchex autism for 7yrs. she found the rise in our gmo food is the same as the rise in autism, alzhiemers and dementia. she works at MIT. google her and youtube. it all makes sense.

      Reply

      • cabrogal
        January 24, 2015 @ 12:11 pm

        I did Google her Barbara. After your first comment.

        Stephanie Seneff is a computer scientist specialising in linguistic programming systems. Her 1960s Bachelors degree in biophysics in no way qualifies her to write the papers on GMOs, glyphosate and vaccines she submits to obscure journals without peer review. She does no research of her own but cites research from others that has been thoroughly debunked – such as Andrew Wakefield’s fraudulent Lancet paper. She makes up terms like “exogenous semiotic entropy” which have no scientific meaning and are merely intended to impress the scientifically illiterate. She makes nonsense claims such as “While it has been suggested that the observed increase in rates [of ASD] may be due mainly to a change in diagnosis criteria, the actual criteria have changed very little from 1943 to DSM-IV-TR” when in fact no such diagnosis as Autism Spectrum Disorder existed in the 1940s and “autistic” was applied only to the most severely disabled individuals. She claims that thimerosal and aluminum adjunct preservatives in MMR are linked to neurological defects when MMR has never contained thimerosal or aluminum adjuncts. I could go on for a very long time. Almost every paragraph of her paper Empirical Data Confirm Autism Symptoms Related to Aluminum and Acetaminophen Exposure contains errors and misrepresentations that would not have been committed by a competent undergraduate.

        Her papers are invariably debunked by real experts in the field as soon as they are published. Responsible anti-GMO campaigners are appalled by her work because they fear their whole cause will become tainted by the publicity her lousy ‘science’ receives.

        In short, Stephanie Seneff is a quack. She does not make sense, she makes nonsense.

        Reply

    • Jonathon Mathew
      January 24, 2015 @ 12:05 pm

      it’s not simply a DNA thing, but a predisposition for a specific processing paradigm. Yes, the “diagnosed” variations of autism spectrum disorders usually entail a “trigger” (troubled pregnancy, complications, diseases, allergic reactions, accidents, etc), but it doesn’t minimize the fact that it runs in families.

      Reply

  113. KBon
    January 23, 2015 @ 11:01 pm

    this is very touching and well written. Although we don’t know what causes this I would still throw out your non stick pans which are bad for EVERYONE!!! The chemicals accumulate in your body and unlike lead and mercury which at least have the possibility of being removed they stay in your body forever according to the sources I have. I know that it’s an inconvenient truth and not really the kind of truth you are seeking but I can’t help giving a shout out to everyone to toss the non stick pans!

    Reply

    • Barbara
      January 24, 2015 @ 10:51 am

      look for Dr. Stephanie Seneff. she has researchex autism for 7yrs. she found the rise in our gmo food is the same as the rise in autism, alzhiemers and dementia. she works at MIT. google her and youtube. it all makes sense.

      Reply

  114. Ana
    January 23, 2015 @ 11:45 pm

    This is beautifully written. Puts a lump in my throat, tears in my eyes and a skip in my heartbeat. I too have a 9 yr. Old sons with Autism and he is my world. I do wish there was a cure but I would also never change him for the world. He is perfect to me! Thank you for saying many of the things I have thought and felt for years now.

    Reply

  115. Pam Allen Sohan
    January 24, 2015 @ 12:48 am

    Love this ! I have a 21 year old son with Autism. He’s high functioning and exactly the way he is supposed to be too. Are there days when I would take away the Autism ? In a heartbeat!!!!!!! Are there also days that I wouldn’t change a thing about him? Of course. I hate that he struggles. I hate that he will probably never drive and that living in an apartment by himself may never happen. I hate that one of his sisters will probably have to take on the parent role after we are gone. But I love his hugs, I love that he still likes to hang out with his Mom, I love that he has great sympathy for others and all living critters, I marvel at his ability to remember the smallest details of something that happened years ago, but can’t always remember to put deodorant on in the morning. I have no idea what caused the Autism. Why him? And not one of his sisters? What not all of them? I don’t think there will be one single reason for Autism anymore than there is one thing that works for dealing with all those who have Autism. I do know that more focus needs to be on programs for Autistic teenagers, young adults and adults. There is barely a sport system for them after they leave high school. Much needs to be done to make sure they are as productive a member of society as they can be. We can’t shuffle them off to hide and die in a corner.

    Reply

  116. Leah Parker
    January 24, 2015 @ 1:13 am

    i can absolutely tell you that strawberries make no difference. My son adores them and he’s still nonverbal and severely autistic and about to turn ten. He’s amazing and terrible all rolled into one just like every other child in the world. Just in an extremely unique way.

    Reply

    • autismamazon
      January 25, 2015 @ 3:44 am

      Same here, Whirlwind can and will sit and eat Strawberries (and Raspberries, Blackberries, Blueberries….he just loves Nerries of any kind!) by the punnet full and it has absolutely no effect other than stained hands, face and clothing lol

      Reply

  117. Sherry
    January 24, 2015 @ 2:22 am

    My son is now 16 and was diagnosed with autism at 3 years old. Over the last 13 years I have sat down to journal about our journey a half dozen times. Each time, my thoughts would splinter and explode, multiplying into a hundred different directions. It becomes so overwhelming that I always end up tearing out the pages, closing the book, putting down my pen, and walk away. I never expected to see my experience, my heart and my thoughts so perfectly expressed by a complete stranger. Thank you for your post.

    Reply

  118. Edward Hauck
    January 24, 2015 @ 2:25 am

    I have a 25 year old boy, Bobby, who has autism. We fretted, as do all parents of such children, but not so much anymore. He is in college; yes, college and he takes regular classes and gets special services, but he works hard and wants to be on a police force and coach. His story is still on-going, but he is becoming independent. Autistic children take up much of their parent’s time when young, but it’s worth it.

    Reply

  119. deehobbit
    January 24, 2015 @ 4:29 am

    Reblogged this on Happy Hobbit Happenings and commented:
    This woman is amazing, and took so very many words out of my mouth.

    Reply

  120. Kari
    January 24, 2015 @ 4:51 am

    As the mother of an almost twenty year old son with Aspergers, I just have to say your post is spot on. We may never be able to pinpoint the exact cause , but I wouldn’t have my Mark be any other way,because that’s the way he was born’d?.

    Reply

  121. Megan
    January 24, 2015 @ 7:15 am

    So well written- you echo many of the same thoughts I have had throughout the years. Although I must admit, peace and acceptance come way easier now that my son is a sweet, happy 11 year old. Much harder during the “eye of the storm” in those early days. BTW- my Jack would have fun with yours at Walmart…. He’s an expert on all the varieties of M&Ms ever invented. ?

    Reply

  122. Robin
    January 24, 2015 @ 7:32 am

    As mothers of children with autism we can’t be the ones to blame ourselves for this “happening” to our children. We all know autism is caused differently and looks different in every child. I’m a mother of 2 Kiddos age 3 & 5 who both have autism and my heart aches for the editor of this blog because she blames herself and scrambles for a reason. In my case my kids delays were caused by an auto immune deficiency in me when they were in the womb. We’ve done genetic testing and the whole bit and all came out negative. I set the acceptance bar for how others engage with my kids. There are those people where you just can’t fix stupid and I just pray for their hearts. When I was 22 yrs old the Lord told me I would have a son, his name would be Zeal and he would be a passionate man after his own heart. At the age of 30 yrs old, I had my first child, a son, his name is Zeal and he is so passionate. If it takes autism for Zeal to fixate on the promise of the Lord, I am okay with it! It doesn’t mean it’s easy and I lose it many days but Z repeats scripture all day at school, everywhere he goes because that’s his language bc of his verbal delay. I just want to encourage you. All our kids have a purpose just like us and one day it will make sense.

    Reply

  123. lasmith36
    January 24, 2015 @ 8:06 am

    Reblogged this on lasmith36.

    Reply

  124. Bufferkiller
    January 24, 2015 @ 8:22 am

    Reblogged this on The Art of Failing Tastefully and commented:
    Everyone should read this.

    Reply

  125. Victoria Lizor
    January 24, 2015 @ 8:37 am

    LOVE LOVE LOVE your post!! I have a 9 year old son with HF Autism. Sometimes I think the higher the functioning ability the more frustration because people don’t necessarily “see” that he has Autism so the expectations are higher. I am guilty of that myself. But then I see and hear/read about other parents who struggle with their child who are more profoundly autistic and I typically thank my lucky stars that “things aren’t that bad”. Wherever our children are on the spectrum we all have our struggles and differing opinions about treatment modalities and perhaps even what causes Autism. I have read endless books, attended conferences, support groups and followed Facebook pages and groups and different people’s blogs and I love reading people’s stories and opinions on Autism in general. That quote “I would not change you for the world but I would change the world for you” pops up everywhere. At first I thought…YES! I would NEVER want to change you…and I WILL change the world for you!! But then I read someone’s blog who was totally opposed to that quote and I started to look at it in a different light. If I could have chosen, before my son was born, that he not have Autism (AND ADHD and SPD and Anxiety), would I have? Yes. Absolutely. That doesn’t mean that I don’t accept and respect diversity and differences in our society and… even if my son didn’t have Autism, it wouldn’t have saved my marriage! I think we can all accept our children for how they were born (the way God chose to create them if you believe) but that doesn’t mean that we can’t want them to reach their full potentials in life. By wanting the best for them, we need to choose how to “treat” the disorder. Chaplain Deb, I don’t think you kicked “oughtness” to the curb, I think you just chose a different path of treatment that worked for you and your family. You still wanted what was best for your 3 children with Autism and you felt that you could provide that within your home. God bless you because sitting here thinking about doing that myself makes me want to pop open a bottle of wine at 8:22am..and I’m a special education teacher! For us, early intervention/continued intervention and medication has worked the best for my son. I spent thousands of doctors seeing Dr. Bock in Rhinebeck, NY and put my son through countless tests, injected him with methylcobalimin B12 and attempted to change his diet and saw no changes. But I felt that I had to do it because it might have helped him. I am thankful to live within a town that has a wonderful public school district with supportive teachers, aides and therapists. My son has made incredible gains over the years and we have been blessed to have such incredible people working with him because they too want to see him reach his full potential. I think accepting what is, educating ourselves and others, and working with our wonderful children in whatever way works for us to help them achieve the best in life is what we need to do. If ever in our lifetime there is a true cause/cure found I think that would be awesome. I would certainly love to know..especially since numbers continue to rise. But for now, I accept my beautiful, intelligent, quirky and spirited son the way he is, the way God intended him to be and accept that He chose me to parent him and help him reach is full potentials in life. And when I get frustrated…there’s always wine. 😉

    Reply

  126. tlannable
    January 24, 2015 @ 9:18 am

    I have identical twins. Same DNA. Same vaccines from the same batch. Same breast milk. Same baby foods. One has Aspergers, one does not. Really, I think it’s a miracle any babies are born without defect when you think of all that has to happen to turn 1 cell into a human being. Sometimes, some wires are crossed, or signals don’t get communicated. Do I wish there was a cure, sure. Do I wish there were ‘treatments’? Absolutely. Am I unbelievable lucky because my Aspergers child will go to college, and probably be able to live on his own someday? Beyond lucky. But I will say that part of the reason my son is as functional and independent today is that when we got his diagnosis, we spent about 5 minutes wondering what caused it, and immediately moved on to “how do we help him be all that he can be.” I’m more concerned about the people who choose to avoid vaccinations bringing back polio, or measles…

    Reply

    • Dawn
      January 24, 2015 @ 11:30 am

      This article touches so many emotions! I have a 20 year old son with Aspergers, who is just the way he is, wonderful and different. One day at a time is all you can focus on, and that’s exactly what you are doing. We went 18 years without a definitive diagnosis for him, it was a real challenge, but each day you focus on what works and keep going. I burst out laughing about the comments regarding Walmart and gum flavors, that is sooo my world!! Thank you for writing such a beautiful article and speaking from the heart. You are not alone!

      Reply

  127. kidsaresticky
    January 24, 2015 @ 10:41 am

    you spoke my heart. Thank you.

    Reply

  128. Penney Shook
    January 24, 2015 @ 11:32 am

    The question posed is what causes autism and believe it or not there is an answer. It has been written about in medical journals and there is a solution. Next question is logicallt, why don’t they fix it. The answer to that question is simple as wrll. Because the government and pharmaceutical companies are not about to admit they made a big fat mistake. The same thing that causes autism also causes fibromyalgia and guiane-barre syndrome. It’s actually not the vaccines that cause it, it is the preservative in the vaccine. So the only safe way to take vaccines is to make them use single dose preservative free vaccines. Good luck with that by the way.

    Reply

  129. cathybearse
    January 24, 2015 @ 11:47 am

    Having a 14 yr old girl just finally being diagnosed with Aspergers … I am wondering .. and please be brutally honest with me “what do you think are the consequences in the fact that she was NEVER diagnosed up until now?” I am dealing with all sorts of things .. please help!

    Reply

    • Katia
      January 24, 2015 @ 5:08 pm

      I’m a speech-language pathologist who frequently treats children presenting with signs of ASD long before they are diagnosed. What I say to those parents is that my treatment is not impacted by whether or not there is a diagnosis… I treat children’s areas of need, not the diagnosis so my recommendations and strategies are the same regardless.
      A diagnosis does not change who a child is or will be but perhaps brings more insight to his/her difficulties and creates access to more services.

      Reply

    • Jonathon Mathew
      January 24, 2015 @ 7:38 pm

      know that there are many of us who are much older (much older) who never had a diagnosis (I am still undiagnosed, and because I am fully functional in my world, there is no reason to obtain a diagnosis), so know that a diagnosis really isn’t the end all or “cure”. It is simply a means to assist a person to develop skills based on their unique design. My son has been diagnosed (it is how we know I am aspergian – the apple fell right out of the tree), but in the end, it is about him developing strong coping skills. people like Susan Boyle are diagnosed much later in life, and some, like Einstein, are never diagnosed (we are pretty sure he was because of his behaviors – talked later, had several anti-social behaviors, etc)

      Reply

    • A Cranky Spider
      January 24, 2015 @ 7:53 pm

      I was diagnosed in my 30s. What sort of things?

      Reply

    • Mae
      January 26, 2015 @ 9:36 am

      Many girls and women are diagnosed late, I wasn’t diagnosed until earlier this year, I’m thirty.
      My Mother had done the best thing she could do, taught me the things she could, left to personal growth the things she couldn’t and trusted that I’d be alright 🙂
      I didn’t have much speech when I was very small, was very apparently autistic, but never diagnosed because it was a disorder that belonged to males at the time. Being diagnosed late is perfectly ok, do your best, have trust that you have done your best, try looking up some autistic women’s groups in your area, you are bound to find some great help there!

      Reply

  130. Dale Dupont
    January 24, 2015 @ 12:13 pm

    As a male and an engineer your son sounds ok, but the current generation does not communicate, have social cues like it once did. If you watch a sunrise some days are orange, some days are purple, at least to start with. So who knows how a child’s mind processes the color, emotion, sites, feelings? we are all different.

    Reply

  131. Katie
    January 24, 2015 @ 12:45 pm

    Does your son have synethesia too? Does he assign colors to a lot of words and numbers? Or sounds tastes and textures to objects? To him the letters in the word Wednesday may look orange. There is a simple online test you can take to see if he has it. It is where your senses are intermixed. Please have him take the online test. It sounds as if he may have it, and if he does, what a special gift.

    Reply

  132. Andrea
    January 24, 2015 @ 2:25 pm

    i really enjoyed your post. Thank you.

    Reply

  133. vix
    January 24, 2015 @ 2:46 pm

    brilliant piece.
    maybe i know what triggered it, maybe i dont at all.
    maybe i saw my 6 year old degenerate into aspergers after an onslaught of vaccinations, maybe i didnt.
    maybe i’ve felt bad for all those vaccines all in one day so we could travel overseas, maybe i dont because everything is exactly as it should be.
    ‘for now’ i cried a bit, as someone captured how i felt so many times.
    and big up to Lily – i’ll carry her words with me too 🙂

    Reply

  134. Tina Dunks
    January 24, 2015 @ 6:24 pm

    Carrie, I am a WordPress person too, but found this story because a friend put a link on FB. Not going to bore you with all of my guff, only to say I am mum to an almost 22 year old with Autism. When we were in a similar spot to where you are now, there were no mummy bloggers, no Facebook…..and virtually no awareness. A long time ago I stopped reading all about Autism, you see I live it and I work it (work with families of children with disability/chronic illness etc)….so it is rare for me to actually commit time to reading…..the catch line for me with your article was the laughing out loud……..I do it often. Humour has been a part of our Marriage surviving, and thriving………wishing you strength and loads more laugh out loud moments…for those moments are the difference.

    Reply

  135. Peter Rothenburg
    January 24, 2015 @ 6:31 pm

    I find this story interesting even though autism can be functioning mostly like ordinary people. I was born with it but I still couldn’t know about it when I was a young boy.
    Right now I’m a typical man but mentally slow and tired. I have a good mind to be aware of all kinds of dangers such as being too close to the power lines, walking too fast on icy conditions and even shovelling the snow too fast.
    I wonder if there are any concerns about my comment.

    Reply

  136. Abby
    January 24, 2015 @ 6:44 pm

    I love this article. As a mom to an 8 yr old boy with autism. It took my a lot of years to be ok with ““He’s exactly the way he’s supposed to be.” He is mine and he is a great kid, autism or no. Thank you for sharing.

    Reply

  137. Nonnymouz
    January 24, 2015 @ 10:55 pm

    I am so unhappy with the people blaming autism on vaccines. These people make my current life 10x more difficult, and are hastening my need to leave the classroom as I have an autoimmune disease that means as my vaccinations wear off, I cannot be revaccinated; I am dependent upon herd immunity. I am more unhappy with those who believe that any person, whether the person has autism or not, another disability or not, is not exactly how they should be. If we say a person is how they are supposed to be, it doesn’t mean stunted or lack of growth in the future. It doesn’t mean no changes. It just means the person is who they are, and how they are supposed to be. They are accepted. A parent who says (as I’ve read at least 5 post here) that if autism were like cancer, or that autism isn’t how their child is supposed to be is not accepting their child. All I can think is, “This poor child. To not be accepted by their parents.” Its akin to how we treated those who are Deaf; in order to make them fit into society and be “normal”, we punished them for using sign language. If they could not lip read or speak, they had no language because sign language wasn’t permitted. Yuck.

    Reply

  138. helen
    January 24, 2015 @ 11:14 pm

    Strength to all those ladies who have children with this and wisdom to learn to help them the way they need.
    As for some folks who comment about vaccines….please go to cdc government website….in the search bar put vaccine ingredients….it’s listed clearly….take the time to look up every ingredient on the list and truly understand what each one is and what it can do to a person…or small child..many say well,in small does mercury is ok…..we for who? An adult?? Imagine pumpning a newborn baby from birth to five with toxic chemicals and substances while their brains are still forming and just starting out…the brain learns the most from birth to 5 …it may not rember as it is still forming but it learns at the fastest rate in the life of the person from birth..really think about this and study what you allow inside your child…..you wouldent feed a baby poisen? Maybe a vaccine maynot kill a baby 100% of the time because of low dose chemicals and poisons not to mention live viruses but they can damage the nervous system and brain along with other organs. It’s a fact!!! We must not be ignorant nor trust every medical journal or website that says it’s safe…..how do you know??? Please……this effects us all as a society if we do not stand up for good,be educated about this common sense stuff and quit trusting people that get paid more money then you can imagine to right a seal of approval….some chemical we use in our of food in this country is banned and you could go to prison I. Other country because of the toxicity to humans..it’s facts…look at the websites in every country..it’s not hidden. It’s in front of our faces yet people choice to belive and pass around fabrication. Just because they dint want to believe that other humans could allow such a thing for money…..well believe it folks….thank God we also have good people on this planet who will fight against the bad and help folks naturally get their life back….it’s being taken from us in plan sight everyday……

    Reply

  139. Ace
    January 25, 2015 @ 3:43 am

    we have to accept, love, and learn to live in this new reality where autism is becoming more and more common. But you can’t live in denial either. It isn’t how they probably should be, their brains and bodies are suffering, not functioning, or damaged. There very likely is a cause or causes. We have to face that and find it.

    Reply

  140. Amy
    January 25, 2015 @ 9:01 am

    All I know is that when I first resarched autisum it was discovered in the 1940’s by Hans Asperger, there were no vaccines back then. I think thst this has always been around & the reason why more people are diagnosed is because doctors know more. We also have to remember that up until the 1960’s we use to lock people away with disabilaty in insane asylums. I don’t think we should be on the internet trying to find out our children have autisum, we should enjoy our children and just take the rough with the smooth.

    Reply

  141. michaelrwilson
    January 25, 2015 @ 9:06 am

    You have ‘Autopia’. It may not be perfect but you make the best of imperfect circumstances.

    Reply

  142. lee
    January 25, 2015 @ 9:55 am

    I loved this! As a mom to a 27 yr old with autism, you just wrote about everything I’ve ever thought and felt! If I never had to hear about Nintendo again, but at the same time I love that he has intensity to research the games on ebay and all the cheat codes lol.
    My days of wondering the cause are long gone, now as I age I wonder about our future. Yikes!

    Reply

  143. Barbara Holtz
    January 25, 2015 @ 10:37 am

    Dear Carrie: Thank you so much for your beautiful article. My sentiments are the same. My son Nicholas is 16 years old. He was diagnosed with Autism at 3. I have been through the gamete of what causes autism, is it my fault?, what didn’t I do right and so on and so on. Your son Henry hit the nail right on the head. He was born with it. The worry, concern, sleepless nights, tears, rage and anger I have dealt with over the years had consumed me. About 6 months ago, I was picking up my 15 year old son Zack from school. We were talking in the car on the way home and I asked him what he would like to be when he grows up. I suggested a neurologist, saying maybe he would be the one to come up for a cure for Autism. My 15 year old son then looked at me and asked “Mom, if there was a cure for Autism now, like a shot or something, would you give it to Nicholas?” His question really stunned me. I was speechless. I did not answer. My son then said Mom, if you gave Nicholas the cure, he then wouldn’t be Nick.

    In that moment I realized my son Zack was exactly right. He may not be the Nicholas with the incredible sense of humor, or all of his other wonderful traits. Nick was born with this disorder, or no matter what I love him unconditionally. Since that conversation with Zack, I try to live each day not thinking of what my son will be doing in the future, try not to worry or try to “fix” Nick. I cherish each day, and challenge each hurdle as they arise. I think what we can do as moms is love our kids “the way they are”. They deserve it!!

    Reply

    • Khristian Page
      January 25, 2015 @ 12:25 pm

      I don’ t think learning to love a child with autism and knowing this is him or her is wrong. Of course therapy and special diets, education is important for children with special needs. Although I know of an autistic boy who stayed in a regular classroom with my son up to 6 th grade. Not sure if that is typical. Enjoy your child no matter how special or oridnary. And of course keep trying everyday to make your childs life more meaningful with or without autism. This in to relations of comments who are still angry about autism. While anger may help with focus, acceptance helps with the unconditional love parents need anyway for any situation our children encounter. God bless. You fojnd true poetry in your bond with Jack.

      Reply

  144. Katharene
    January 25, 2015 @ 1:30 pm

    My Sophie has autism. She also has MTHFR gene mutation, as do most others with autism. To anyone reading this, look it up if you haven’t already. Those with MTHFR have genetics that make detoxifying every single cell a struggle every day anywhere from 90% less to 10% less and every rate in between. So when infants receive vaccines with levels of aluminum that are criminal because the amounts are higher than legally allowed in drinking water, and other neurotoxins that accumulate, and those neurotoxins are being injected as opposed to ingested, the ingredients in those shots can flip the genetic switch and enable autism to manifest. The wiring can genetically be there, and vaccines can be the catalyst. So when people say the vaccine-autism connected is a myth, dig deeper and look at it from a different angle.

    Reply

  145. M
    January 25, 2015 @ 4:11 pm

    yes any one of those can cause autism, we are all unique not one person is exactly like the other. the cause/trigger is not always the same with everyone. Even with genetics, we can pass down certain traits but it also depends on the enviroment of these traits are expressed, “epi-genetics”.

    Reply

  146. Jen W
    January 25, 2015 @ 8:29 pm

    This is wonderful! You’ve somehow managed to capture so many of the very conflicting emotions that go with having an autistic child. My son is now 21 and the conflicted emotions seem to never subside. Thank you so much for sharing this!

    Reply

  147. Fiona
    January 25, 2015 @ 8:33 pm

    For some real insight into a disabled person’s perspective on the world, check out Stella Young’s TED talk here: http://www.ted.com/talks/stella_young_i_m_not_your_inspiration_thank_you_very_much?language=en

    Sadly Stella passed away this year, but in her short life she changed how people viewed disability in Australia and beyond.

    Reply

  148. Julie
    January 26, 2015 @ 12:20 am

    I work with children with Autism. I am doing the SonRise program with one girl. Three years ago, I thought it was a disability. Now, I see it as a learning style. I love autism.

    Reply

  149. Shelley
    January 26, 2015 @ 1:37 am

    As a para educator I am seeing a growing number of kids on the Autism spectrum. My son & his wife are expecting their first baby. My question is how many women with an Autistic child conceived their child while on the pill for birth control? The follow-up question to that is how many also had progesterone shots/treatment to keep the pregnancy viable? This came to my attention as a common practice now when a woman gets pregnant while taking the pill. I have no idea when this treatment became routine.

    It made me wonder if there was any connection to the rising number children with Autism, or if it has been studied. In the two decades since my children were born the intervention to save a pregnancy has changed. When I was having children and someone got pregnant while on the pill you prayed for a healthy baby and hoped for the best. Miscarriage was a concern, but the doctor didn’t intervene. Nature took its course.

    I’m not for or against either way the doctor and patient choose to handle the situation. I am just curious about a possible connection.

    Reply

    • Jonathon Mathew
      February 5, 2015 @ 7:52 am

      one of the reasons for the growth in numbers of kids on the spectrum: people who are on the spectrum are having children – I have 2, so I just doubled myself, and both kids have traits – one is a carbon copy. I have it in my genetics, and my siblings have traits (both are slightly anti-social, highly intelligent, non-conventional, with other various things), and one of them has kids with traits. People on the spectrum have traits that make them evolutionarily profitable – we are generally specialized and STEM oriented, with “no box” mentalities, which leads to innovation – a positive in our current social paradigm.

      Reply

  150. MJSmith
    January 26, 2015 @ 7:04 am

    Just curious as to why you would feel “rage” over having an aide at school. I am a TA for students with various needs, autism being one of them. I love the kids and my job. Most parents are glad to have the assistance. My nephew is also autistic and my sister-in-law thanks God he has an aide as well. Where I work (public school) we work hard to make sure these kids are well cared for and educated so I’m just wondering why you felt “rage” to someone who is hopefully, helpful to you and your son.

    Reply

    • Carrie Cariello
      January 26, 2015 @ 7:21 am

      Hello! I was referring to Jack’s rage, not mine. I am grateful for all of the assistance and guidance Jack’s paras provide. Unfortunately, He is frustrated that he needs help.

      Reply

  151. Jennifer Cantrell
    January 26, 2015 @ 12:47 pm

    This is beautiful and perfect! People who don’t have a child on the spectrum always seem to think it’s defined as good OR bad. They don’t understand how you can absolutely love your child as he is and break your heart over him at the same time. Thank you.

    Reply

  152. sothisisholland
    January 26, 2015 @ 6:31 pm

    So thankful to read this entry! I feel very similar to you. I have an almost five year old daughter with autism. Looking back, I knew something was different the minute I met her and held her. It was just an uneasiness or a feeling. And I had a hard time in the beginning, being able to bond. I spent most of my time being severely anxious and waiting for something to happen to her or to discover something terrible was going on. But now I truly don’t believe anyone is as bonded to my child as me or knows her the way I do. Not even her father. Isla is my best friend, maybe even my soul mate!

    I don’t think mothers like me think our children are supposed to struggle or are meant to be put at a disadvantage. Yes, we see therapists, we have IEPs, we have visual schedules, and meals are a catastrophe. It isn’t your typical household whatsoever. And those things get easier with time. But there are some things about our autistic children that will never change and those are the things I believe are as they should be.

    Reply

  153. sothisisholland
    January 26, 2015 @ 6:32 pm

    Reblogged this on sothisisholland and commented:
    Another mom for acceptance!

    Reply

  154. Death Maiden
    January 26, 2015 @ 10:29 pm

    Reblogged this on Death Maiden Musings.

    Reply

  155. Michelle {Fun On A Dime}
    January 26, 2015 @ 11:54 pm

    Absolutely beautiful! Thank you for sharing this experience!

    Reply

  156. Brandey Herring
    January 27, 2015 @ 5:25 am

    Thank you for this article! I know the same thing as well: MJ is exactly the way he’s supposed to be. I get really burnt out reading all of the “reasons” and the “what-ifs”. It takes away from our daily lives and the real time solutions we are aiming for. I’m terribly sorry for parents who want to know the why but finding out the why isn’t my job today. I AM a scientist and the why doesn’t matter. What matters today is making sure that MJ has a safe spot for all of his Lord of the Rings attire and weapons, and making sure my chicken doesn’t turn out to taste like Orc meat. Your boy says Wednesday is orange? Well mine thinks that Wednesday is purple. And we’re ok with that. Thanks again.

    Reply

  157. Jodi
    January 27, 2015 @ 9:49 am

    I have read countless articles on Autism…Everything that is in this article and more. Who’s fault, what we ate, our genetics, I could go on and on. Spent wakeless hours learning, what can help, what doesn’t help, etc. Thousands of hours with therapies. My fault (mom) his fault (dad). Did the whole blame game, too. Looked at our relatives who had what, and on which side. Had the guilt, on what I ate, how it was made, what I drank, how long I slept during pregancy. I had two children before my last child that has austim, and if memory serves me. Did all of the same things that I had done with my first two. When finding out yes, I felt like I was kicked in the stomach, told by countless people, “oh so sorry” I don’t want the “sorries” in the world. I/we want acceptance in the world. Right now I don’t want to know where it came from, we have it, it’s not going away completely, we just want to know that our children will be happy, accepted, and given a chance. Our children try so hard every single day, instead of things coming naturally, they try with all that they have, to succeed. For me, my heart swells with pride for my daughter that she is a wonderful young lady, that I hope never gets too soured on the world around her. She will be loved and accepted through my family for who she is, and for what she has yet to become. That was my pleasant…rant or vent if you will…sent with my big girl pants on…!!! (PS for the record I didn’t read all the comments that were left on here, we can debate about a lot of circumstances, I choose not too, I don’t have the time nor energy to do so, been down that road before)

    Reply

  158. Kymberley
    January 27, 2015 @ 10:49 am

    My son is now 33 and autistic, although it took some time for that diagnosis to be finalised after earlier ones of MBD, ADD and Asperger’s.

    We knew he was different from an early age and spent a lot of time and effort on helping him and none whatsoever in trying to find out why he was different.

    Reply

  159. Tanya
    January 27, 2015 @ 1:40 pm

    Love this. So real, so true.

    Reply

  160. Vicki
    January 27, 2015 @ 6:09 pm

    Thank you for sharing such a complicated tale. Life in general is full of contradicting feelings, and life with an austistic child should be no less so. Your thoughtfulness and honestly are going to go a very long way in helping your son adapt to the world, and to helping the world adapt to your son-

    Reply

  161. Ginger
    January 27, 2015 @ 11:17 pm

    Great post,

    Reply

  162. A B AL Mahmood
    January 28, 2015 @ 7:58 am

    First .. Thanks for starting this useful debate.
    Personally I find that Linking circumcision to Autism is DUMB and Completely not Scientific
    Millions of Jew and Muslims had circumcision, are they all Autistic ?
    In fact Many medical studies proved the Benefits of circumcision.
    So to My friends who link Autism to circumcision …. Please .. Think Again

    Reply

  163. Constance Zimmer
    January 28, 2015 @ 9:24 am

    I am going to start wearing a wooden sign across my chest that says “Yes, I have a daughter with Autism- and if ya chowderheads can;t be nice about it- then pleas f*ck off” Thank you We don’t need comments or unsolicited advice- we need french fries, popcorn, and possibly a “My Little Pony: pet. Have a nice day

    Reply

  164. eplunkett
    January 28, 2015 @ 10:52 am

    Bravo, thank you so much for putting this for us to see. Will be sharing.

    Reply

  165. Just Me
    January 28, 2015 @ 4:38 pm

    I think autism is influenced by, if not solely due to, heredity. The spectrum seems to run to aspergers in my family. I have a nephew and the daughter of a cousin who have moderate (the neph) and severe (the little cousin-she will never live independently). Everyone else in the family is “normal” if they can be classified like that. It is gradations on a scale in processing and behavior with everyone else. It seems to have completely skipped the previous generation, but in our family, we seem to have at least one person with it every generation, looking at cousins out to the 6th or 7th generation. I had a great-uncle, born in 1902, that I knew very well, who was definitely on the spectrum. His parents noticed it from his infancy, but just figured he was a little “different”, there was no “help” for the condition back then. They just loved him and socialized him the same as they did his 5 older brothers, one younger brother, and his baby sister, gave him more time, tried showing him how to do things in different ways, let him learn in his way and at his speed. Everyone “helped” him. He was very bright, an early reader, just “different”. His mom worried about him too. None of the environmental stuff currently being touted as “the cause” was in his prenatal environment, but the mannerisms, behavior, etc, are unmistakable. And my great grandmother remembered having an uncle that was the “same way”. Our family might have used to wonder why he was the way he was, but he was always loved. He got through school, he always lived with one of his brothers, and he always worked. He found he could run an office and understood the business of manufacturing. He even eventually found love, an older widow with 3 little girls. She helped him and loved him the rest of their lives. He turned out to be a good husband and father.

    Reply

  166. His Wife
    January 28, 2015 @ 7:44 pm

    I am 66 years old. I have been married twice. My first husband and I divorced after 14 years and he is deceased. I remarried and have been with Sam (name changed) for 30 years and we have a 28 year old son. I noticed Sam was different the night I met him, but having no knowledge of any “tell”, spent 25 of these years trying to understand him and get him to relate to me in ways I need. We saw several counselors over the years. The last one asked me to come in alone. I fully expected her to tell me I was crazy and to seek drugs. To my surprise, shock, and myriad indescribable feelings, she told me she thought Sam was an “Aspie” and asked me if I were familiar with Asperger’s Syndrome, one of the “colors” in the Autism Spectrum. Having worked in Special Education with Learning Disabled kids for (at that time) ten years, I asked the teacher I worked with about Asperger’s and suddenly it all fell into place. Although Sam’s spectrum is not very pronounced, I could definitely see the “tells” once the scales fell from my eyes. I felt denial, then such sadness I can’t describe it. All those years of trying to get what he not only couldn’t give but couldn’t even understand, and would never be able to give or understand. I felt like I had been abusing him for even trying to make him understand me. I have to say: he is the gentlest, kindest, most loving and loyal person I have ever known. He is very intelligent and filled with interest in hobbies and crafts, all “one person” activities (he is a master carpenter) and reads all sorts of books. It has been hard, and sad, and confusing learning to live with my new knowledge of him and to deny myself, finally, of the “us” intimacy, sharing, little things that women need. But I would not change my choice to spend my life with him had I known his “difference”. Knowing his difference has made my expectations of him much different. I love him, will always love him. I just want to say: if your boy or girl finds a relationship, please have a conversation with that other person, so they will understand, REALLY understand your special child, so he or she will not have to struggle as I have, and as Sam has. There is so much more to consider when choosing to spend your life with one of these very special people. It needs to be a VERY informed choice.

    Reply

  167. Danyelle Vivona
    January 29, 2015 @ 1:58 am

    This!! Beautifully written, and posted on my wall.

    Reply

  168. Michele Shumate
    January 30, 2015 @ 9:06 pm

    Thanks for sharing. My 17 yr old son has mild asbergers, and right now I am in a hating it stage. Why can’t I hug my son? why can’t he hear our advice? Why can’t he let things go? Why is he destroying his future? Why can’t he be ‘normal’ just for a while? long enough to get through school and find a niche. I have faith that there is light at the end of the tunnel, I just can’t see it right now.

    Reply

  169. Cathy Kelly
    January 31, 2015 @ 1:24 am

    This is all so amazing. It makes my heart hurt and then my face smile the next. God bless u all.

    Reply

  170. erickajen
    February 1, 2015 @ 1:51 pm

    whoa. what are the odds you’ll even read this with all those comments. amazing.

    im a 32 year old aspie wife (diagnosed only 2 1/2 years ago) and mom of a just diagnosed 8 year old boy.
    ive known since my son was born that he was much more intense than your average baby! everything about him was full blast. he never did anything half way, and even with something like riding his bike, he had a deadline when he would do it – usually past when “normal” kids were doing it, and he wouldnt do it until then and when he did, he did it ‘perfectly’, and was off and running.

    it just has become increasingly difficult to control/deal with/help him with his behavior problems, anger and overwhelm and the like.

    i FULLY agree with what you’re saying. i was expecting to be fully annoyed with the post from reading the title. so many people are SURE they know what causes it. but i think you and i are on the same page.
    this is a gift. there is a reason that people are created this way. im of the mind that all of the genius and creativity comes from a mind that is specifically created differently. after all, major inventions take extreme obsessive focus, and NT people dont usually have that! (they have other gifts!) anything creative takes practice, and again, NT people dont have the focus and drive to keep failing until they succeed! (again, they have other gifts!)

    this is not an environmental poisoning, or destruction, or defect. this is a purposeful way of making the world a better, more diverse place!
    i agree that certain things (pesticides, vaccines) might cause more negative symptoms in people, especially people with asd, because we are already so sensitive to things to begin with. for example, i hate taking medicines because im always nervous about or sensitive to the reactions.

    but anyway. thank you! this is a great post!

    Reply

    • dotremas
      July 11, 2016 @ 6:32 pm

      Dear Jennifer, I do apologise for your suffering and completely understand. Im a health fanatic since 10years ago when my daugther was diagnosed with a skin disorder. The doctor gave his view as if final & letting us understand that there was nothing to do about it. My daugther was then 14yrs. I refused to accept and spend much time doing extensive research into natural healing. The good news is that we found a better diagnoses in the natural health field, something that we could work with, altnough it required alot of dedication and discipline. The result, the problem got solved & did not spread.

      What I did learn over the past 10 years of these studies us that autism results due to a leaky gut syndrome & pathogenic bacteria. Babies can inherit the bacteria from both parents. Pathogenic bacteria & lack of beneficial bacteria results in many types of diseases.. I recommend that you read articles written by Dr Mercola, his baby was diagnosed with autism at age 2 years old. Today his child is free from . Read his article on this. Also go onto our facebook page www/facebook/raphadistributors/ & read testimonials from real people. This product was born to help the masses, because many do not have the means to get expensive medical or alternate care.

      i would like to donate you a bottle, depending on where you are. We in SOUTH AFRICA

      Reply

  171. Tammy
    February 1, 2015 @ 7:09 pm

    LOVE that Wednesday is orange! Our daughter has created an entire cartoon world and each day of the week is a different one of her characters. I can never remember which one is which, but if it helps her know the day of the week – we’re good. 🙂

    I, too, have struggled like you trying to figure out WHY. I wrote an article once about just loving her and that is the answer – just pure, unconditional love. Actually, some days that is a taller order than on others. Some days I have absolutely no idea how to love her in a way she can grasp, but I still try – again, and again, and again. And every once in a while I am rewarded with a moment like this: a sweet smile, a gentle voice saying, “Um, thank you for warming the water for my tea.” A simple gesture, a simple statement, and a floodgate of tears filled with gratitude, love, and pride.

    Reply

  172. Lisa Lloyd
    February 2, 2015 @ 7:24 am

    Thank you for sharing the truth. What a beautiful, well written article. I do not have an Autisitc child however this article so touched me. There is really no other reason for my comment other than to tell you how much you are appreciated for being such an honest and open mother. I appreciate your sharing a little bit about your Jack. If only there were more people with Lily’s attitude and outlook.

    Reply

  173. redefinedslave
    February 2, 2015 @ 9:16 am

    Thank you for this. I have an 11 year old son who is high functioning autistic. He’s doing much “better” in his behaviors (we had some issues with violence, stealing and lying). He’s growing up. There are some days that I’m not sure if it’s the autism or “typical” 11 year old boy coming out! But, reading this, made me cry (in a good way)…made me feel relief. Not just this, but the comments too. Some days, it’s hard not to feel isolated in what you have to deal with, in how your child copes or in what they do. Right now, we’ve changed school districts due to a move. It’s been hard on him and there’s no special program for him like we had before, no special school, so he’s in with the “mainstream” kids most of his day, with some time set aside for smaller special education classes. But, when I went in to do his student plan….the teacher wanted to keep my son in her big class, because she had several students who’d taken my son under their wing and were helping him and genuinely concerned about him getting frustrated and upset. It made me grateful and hopeful.
    So, again, thank you for this.

    Reply

  174. Nikki kelly- Tanzi
    February 2, 2015 @ 10:25 am

    I have Joey 11 years old and Sophia soon will be 9 years old and yes they have autism. Why? Because god sent them to teach me how to be a better human being. He sent them to change our world and open our eyes to what is most important. Love and being in the present moment . I want good health and for them to always be safe just as any parent. They are my children. A gift and yes drive me crazy at times but that is what kids do to parents? ask your parents or think back to when you were a kid. Would not change a thing???

    Reply

  175. Mommy Catharsis
    February 2, 2015 @ 2:11 pm

    You tend to write EXACTLY what I am thinking. It’s so refreshing and comforting! 🙂

    Reply

  176. MMM
    February 2, 2015 @ 8:53 pm

    It’s like having blonde hair and green eyes. It just is. Love will see you thru.

    Reply

  177. Kristi
    February 4, 2015 @ 10:20 am

    I stopped reading after he was “borned with it”. Why do so many children today have autism? This is a new phenomenon. It’s silly to think that there is no environmental factor contributing to the MUCH higher rates of autism currently than at any time in the past.

    Reply

    • Jonathon Mathew
      February 5, 2015 @ 7:47 am

      it is not a new phenomenon, it is a new and growing “diagnosis” in both awareness and terminology… prior to the 60s, it was lumped in with other mental illnesses (hence the reason I was never diagnosed… my parents didn’t want me associated with those various illnesses). Autism runs through my ancestors as can be seen by their various traits. not all of them would have been diagnosed, or have varying diagnosis pending on the DSM, but things like sensory integrated disorders and anti-social behaviors are all there

      Reply

    • A Cranky Spider
      February 5, 2015 @ 9:25 am

      They are not higher. It’s diagnosed better. Autistic people are not the result of toxic wastes and such. It’s a bit insulting really. I swear we suffer more from ableism than autism.

      Reply

  178. MRassi
    February 4, 2015 @ 6:47 pm

    Reblogged this on Chalk on a Greenboard and commented:
    He is who he was meant to be.

    Reply

  179. misha110
    February 4, 2015 @ 7:44 pm

    “He’s exactly the way he’s supposed to be.” These are the most beautiful words I’ve heard in years. I wanted to tell you, my daughter has talked endlessly about gum too, and she talks endlessly about many facts and observations. She’s not autistic, she’s OCD, she’s exactly the way she’s supposed to be. All the best to you, Jack and the rest of your family.

    Reply

  180. ProLife Warrior
    February 4, 2015 @ 8:06 pm

    That girl in your son’s class is wiser than most adults. Your son is exactly the way he is supposed to be: perfect. I have a grandson who is, as they say now, “on the spectrum.” He is also perfect. I’m glad we don’t know what causes autism. We know how to spot Down Syndrome in a child before birth, and 90% of such children — and their happiness and their bright smiles and their joy and their perfection — are aborted. Now there are serious discussions among “ethicists” about “post-birth abortion” up to the age of three for a number of conditions, including autism. I pray the ethicists grow some humanity somehow. All those kids are perfect.

    Reply

  181. Chris T. Harris
    February 4, 2015 @ 8:42 pm

    I saw your story on NBC nightly news tonight and then went looking for your blog entry “I know what causes autism”. That made me curious, especially since you’re one in a position to know, considering that your son, Jack, is autistic. And I like your take on it now, that he’s exactly the way he’s supposed to be. He actually seems like a very interesting person from what I can tell, and coping just fine. You all are amazing and you are just awesome! Thanks for sharing.

    Reply

  182. reneealter085
    February 4, 2015 @ 10:51 pm

    Lily is one of twin girls born to one of my high school classmates. I thought you all would like to read their blog: http://lilybirdsfreedom.com/

    Reply

  183. Jeanine @ sixtimemommy.com
    February 5, 2015 @ 3:39 pm

    Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. Your take is breath of fresh air. When there is something different about a child usually the first thing a person does is blame. You don’t. This made me want to read your post and read more! Thank you for this. Although none of my children are autistic I know several that are and this, I will be sharing with them!

    Reply

  184. dd
    February 5, 2015 @ 4:11 pm

    Barbara has touted Seneff repeatedly here and been de-bunked. Her research does show correlation of GMO and glyphosate with autism (since the shikimate pathway of our gut bacteria is disrupted,) as does Dr. Huber’s, Dr Arthur Dunham, DVM, Monica Kruger and Vandana Shiva:
    http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2014/08/25/seeds-of-doubt

    Reply

    • Barbara
      February 8, 2015 @ 11:40 pm

      Thanks so much for sharing about Shiva. I appreciate it.

      Reply

  185. Jennifer McDougal
    February 5, 2015 @ 4:21 pm

    Lily get its. So should we.

    Reply

  186. Keely
    February 5, 2015 @ 7:07 pm

    Autism was a rare occurrence 100 years ago, even 50 years ago, or 30 years ago. Something has changed in our environment over the years. I do believe some children are predisposed to it, just like some are to cancer. My journey to learn all the possibilities of what caused it have led me to solutions to help him feel better. I would not change him either, but I am not about to discount any of the variables that have entered our society over the years. I also know that my son was developing typically, and then a week after he received 6 vaccines in one day, he was gone. He became very ill, lost 20% of his weight. For the next 2 years, “he might throw up” was written into his IEP. I took him to an autism specialist and they tested him for all the diseases that he had been vaccinated with. Then they gave him antivirals and he came down with chicken pox. The doctor said that these diseases get stuck in children who have poor methylation abilities. Their immune system allows the disease to coexist, eventually seeping into the nervous system which is when the autistic symptoms rear their heads. 6 months after completing antivirals, his allergies went away, he stopped banging his head, speaking and looking us in the eyes without screaming. The teachers were amazed. They said, “Things like this don’t happen.”

    Reply

  187. I know what causes autism | lovenlearning
    February 6, 2015 @ 12:39 am

    […] I know what causes autism, by Carrie Cariello. Looks at some of the explanations for autism that have been broadcast around the internet in the last few years – many laughable, some that may be possibilities.  She also writes about some of the controversies within the autism community (eg epidemic needing a cure vs acceptance).  Her thoughts and feelings on many of these subjects are complicated (I can relate to that!), and I like the way she outlined them. […]

    Reply

  188. dlberek
    February 6, 2015 @ 10:34 am

    Reblogged this on Celebrating Individual Abilities and commented:
    A dedicated mom with a son with autism speaks out – “I know what causes autism.” She also knows what did not cause autism. It’s time everyone knew.

    Reply

  189. I Have Special Needs Children and I Vaccinate
    February 6, 2015 @ 2:49 pm

    […] was diagnosed with a feeding disorder at age one, and Autism, SPD, and Apraxia at age two. Like Carrie Cariello, I have seen all the “explanations” for autism over the […]

    Reply

  190. Anne
    February 6, 2015 @ 4:56 pm

    I am a scientist – and you are smart. I also have a son with autism. And believe it or not, his name is Jack too. The words you wrote were to me as if I had had my internal thoughts scribble down. I really appreciated getting to read this and seeing those same exact thoughts and that they go through someone else’s head. The guilt I felt when they linked autism to labor induction, and the relief I felt when they decided it was not related. The BPA, the MMR, food dyes, gluten, and I swear to God humid climates (at least for this one, living in Arizona I didn’t have to think about it long). Feeling defensive when they linked autism to the use of antidepressants during pregnancy and feeling like although I didn’t use antidepressants during pregnancy everyone would think that I did and it was my fault the Jack had autism. The arguments I’ve had with my husband over telling people Jack has autism or letting him have interactions of kids without poisoning the waters (making him out to be different to make myself feel comfortable instead of really worrying about him being comfortable). And you’re right, it’s not that I want Jack cured, but I want what any mother would want – A challenging and fulfilling life for my child but a fair shot at his dreams. And I worry about my daughter’s chances of having a child with autism and watching the heart ache that can go along with all the stress – and yes the love. I love how you said that you wouldn’t change anything but that yes, you would change some things. I feel as though my whole feelings regarding Jack changes in a moment and so frequently a contradiction of what I just thought a moment before. Thank you so much.

    Reply

  191. Lesa
    February 6, 2015 @ 8:44 pm

    I have a friend with 4 kids, all on the autism spectrum. They didn’t get the official diagnosis for any of them until she was pregnant with the littlest one. Doctor said at that time that it was highly likely that the baby would have autism as well but the parents were unconcerned. Yes, raising 4 autistic kids is a challenge, but the see each child as perfect just as she or he is.

    Reply

  192. Bronwyn
    February 6, 2015 @ 11:37 pm

    AMEN! As a special education teacher I get so SICK of people trying to figure out why or what label. I don’t really care why…. I care about what I need to do to when this child walks into my classroom. What is it that I need to do to meet his or her needs to help them learn

    Reply

  193. George pauljohn
    February 7, 2015 @ 12:18 am

    I also, do not know the cause, but I think I do know the mechanics, which may lead to knowing a cause. I am not a doctor or scientist, but for some reason I have obsessed over autism and Asperger’s syndrome. I have searched on line and have found nothing that even resembles my thoughts. which could mean I am just wrong or crazy. but then maybe not. I don’t know any professionals that I could run this by, but you do. Everyone is looking for what happened. my belief is that it is something that “didn’t ” happen.
    Now imagine two children born the same day. but one is a full term birth and the other is premature being born at say, 7 months. Both children hit their benchmarks at the same time. But why? one has spent two months less in development. the premature baby should be lagging by two months. it takes a certain number of days to see clearly, to see color. a certain number of days to lift the head, to roll over. But there is no difference in time for either child. WHY? Because, I believe, certain things happen by trigger. there is no light in a fetus, so when the eyes first see light, the brain starts organizing the patterns until it is clear. there is only muffled sound if any, in the liquid of a uterus, once the child is out, it, I think that events trigger chemical reactions, the brain emits various chemicals which create connection. it takes time for the brain to organize a portion of the brain to clearly understand sound. .
    I believe autism is a problem with something that did not happen. some trigger was missed, some chemical event did not take place as it was supposed to. Scientists may be looking into this, or not, but I have nobody I can ask. Maybe I’m being silly or think too much of myself, or maybe there is something to this. if the lack of a protein or enzyme caused this, than pinpointing it may be a cure. There is more to my train of thought but it would take pages to comunicate.
    There was a made for TV movie back in the 1970s with James Farentino as the actor, about a true story of a man with an autistic son, in a time when we didn’t even know what that was. If you can find this movie you should watch it. it kind of lead me to believe this concept, even though they never said anything like it. but it may make sense if you see it. I hope someday we can say autism is a thing of the past. good luck and good wishes to you, from me.

    Reply

    • desertwell
      February 8, 2015 @ 11:31 am

      Interesting perspective! Kids with autism are kids first. And we love the kiddo’s with their adorable uniqueness but there is also the environmental overwhelm (and the rigidity and meltdowns and avoidance that goes with it) … dang that stress on their system – it is why I hope an answer is found to the cause of autism (which I really believe is Epigenetic based or possibly based on your hypothesis – something environmentally that didn’t trigger a gene to do what it was suppose to) … but whatever it is, my wish for the kiddo’s and their families is to experience less sympathetic nervous system arousal and more ability to relax with the flow of life … however that might be able to happen!

      Reply

  194. Hallee
    February 7, 2015 @ 11:31 am

    I don’t think I’ve ever read a post about parenting a child with autism that resonated so strongly with me and my feelings about my 8-year-old son. Thank you.

    Reply

  195. Jonathon Mathew
    February 9, 2015 @ 1:24 pm

    I just found out too much Freddie Mercury causes autism… or maybe listening to too much Iron Butterfly… can’t remember…

    Reply

    • dd
      February 12, 2015 @ 12:36 pm

      Maybe no one needs a smart-_ss comment from the basic American male lacking compassion

      Reply

      • Jonathon Mathew
        February 12, 2015 @ 3:52 pm

        you have mistaken me for a SA NT with no compassion. read my other comments and you will realize I am on the spectrum, and a) have a bizarre since of humor, and b) like many aspies, have a hard time of knowing when something is appropriate. so sorry I offended your intolerant insensibilities. I will chalk you up as another NT with no willingness to give the benefit of the doubt

        Reply

  196. Jodi Carlton
    February 9, 2015 @ 3:03 pm

    As a mom with an aspie, you spoke to my heart! I reposted on my site and FB page: http://www.aspiespot.com. Come by and say hello!

    Reply

  197. Katie Hamilton
    February 10, 2015 @ 12:32 pm

    saw this on my friends Facebook feed, and then later on sunnyskyz.com, and so I read it. BEAUTIFUL. Mama? You are doing a fantastic job! <3

    Reply

  198. Tom Huntford
    February 13, 2015 @ 5:05 am

    I am 58. No one had autism, that I know of, when I was growing up. Now I understand the personal side of what you are saying–just doing the best you can to nurture this child with unique needs. But there is indeed to place to ask, “WHY are there more and more kids with autism?” The graph here reveals one thing that really makes me wonder: http://blog.autismspeaks.org/2010/10/22/got-questions-answers-to-your-questions-from-the-autism-speaks%E2%80%99-science-staff-2/ Namely, the increase in autism fits almost exactly the increase of the presence of genetically-modified foods that contain the BT Toxin and glyphosate. I wonder what the effects of those in-plant pesticides are doing in the womb while the child’s body is developing, and what affect they are having during the first 6 month of life outside the womb. Yes, each autistic child is a person made in the image of God, just as valuable as any person. But oh! we have GOT to find out what is causing it, so we can minimize it.

    Reply

    • cabrogal
      February 13, 2015 @ 6:48 am

      1. Unless you eat cotton the only BT GMO food crop is sweet corn, which has only been on the market since the late 1990s – well after the current ‘autism epidemic’ started.

      2. There are no GM crops of any kind that produce glyphosate. It would be rather silly to have a plant that poisons itself with herbicides, no?

      3. You can also find a good match between reported autism rates and sales of home computers or the price of real estate in Sydney or the population of Madagascar. Would you therefore assume these things cause autism too?

      4. The article you link to doesn’t even mention GMOs. Instead it has some perfectly reasonable, evidence-based suggestions for the increase in autism diagnoses while admitting they still don’t account for all of the increase.

      I’m against GMOs in the food chain and have campaigned against them in the past. While I think there is cause for some concern about their safety in the human body there is still no reliable evidence for it. I just think the precautionary principle should be invoked a lot more by agribusiness and its marketers. However I think there’s some evidence for environmental damage due to GMOs (especially due to the increased use of glyphosate but also due to horizontal gene transfer to the wild) and strong evidence for economic damage, especially to third world farmers and those trying to grow organically (or at least GMO free). I have seen no evidence whatsoever linking GMOs to autism, but I’ve seen a lot of junk science that purports to do so.

      There’s good reasons to oppose genetically modified crops, but autism ain’t one of them.

      Reply

      • dd
        February 24, 2015 @ 8:42 pm

        Fyi: glyphosate is sprayed on gmo plants..it is sprayed on virtually everything also… known as Roundup

        Reply

        • cabrogal
          February 24, 2015 @ 9:08 pm

          it is sprayed on virtually everything

          Exactly.
          I can hardly walk down the street in my own suburb without coming across clouds of council-sprayed glyphosate. It sucks. And banning GMOs won’t change it.

          A good argument against Roundup Ready GMOs is that they probably increase the use of glyphosate. OTOH, the horizontal transfer of glyphosate resistance genes from GM crops is leading to steadily increasing glyphosate resistance in wild plants, so there’s hope that Roundup Ready crops will eventually cause glyphosate to become ineffective and phased out. However, that will probably just induce herbicide-happy fools to use something even more dangerous instead.

          But the crops themselves contain no glyphosate. And if you don’t wash your food you’re putting yourself at far greater risk than anything likely to arise from glyphosate residues on your Roundup Ready tomato.

          Reply

    • Jonathon Mathew
      February 13, 2015 @ 8:20 am

      The reason no one had ‘autism” when you were growing up was because how they defined it: autism was lumped in with other psychological disorders, and not an individual diagnosis. many of us were also institutionalized. the rest were labeled as “troubled children”, “Nerds”, “Loaners”, or somehow other socially dealt with.

      so, no, many of us were never diagnosed (I was not, neither were either of my parents or grandparents, where there are very obvious markers that they may have been somewhere on the spectrum). doesn’t mean we weren’t there…it just means we weren’t diagnosed as such. Now, I have 2 children: one who is diagnosed on the spectrum and another who may eventually be somewhere on it…and a nephew diagnosed somewhere on it… that’s a 300% increase just in my family…but it’s always been there.

      Reply

  199. Nelly
    February 14, 2015 @ 6:57 am

    Absolutely fantastic blogpost! Spot on.

    Reply

  200. Kindness Blog
    February 23, 2015 @ 10:48 am

    Hello Carrie,

    We’d love to feature this lovely article on Kindness Blog. Would that be okay? We will, of course, make all links back to any and all websites that you instruct us to.

    If not, no problem at all 🙂

    Take care.

    Best, Mike.

    Reply

  201. Jason F. Springer
    March 13, 2015 @ 12:57 am

    C’, Autism Dad here. 18 year old child “typical”, 17 year old child, “autism”. I have always thought re: our son w/ autism “Alright! I get to “keep” one of my kids!”
    We’ll see how that works out.
    I don’t know if you or the autism community have talked about it much, but the sometimes wide difference in emotions between the Father and the Mother of the same autistic child, about the child, could bear much more discussion than I see. It sounds like you have gotten yourself to a good place in your thoughts and emotions about Jack and your life. The right kind of “acceptance” about any difficulty is part of any healthy reaction to a difficulty, especially compared to a denial of the difficulty or misplaced blame for a difficulty. Thanks for pouring your heart out! J’.

    Reply

  202. Charlene Asay
    March 27, 2015 @ 6:02 pm

    Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. My almost 4 yr old son was diagnosed with autism just after his 2 birthday. I loved reading your post one because I think and say these same things all the time. Second because I wanted to tell you that you are an amazing mom. One day we will all know why our boys were born with autism. For now we make the best of it and love life.

    Reply

  203. Carly
    April 2, 2015 @ 10:29 am

    Don’t start force feeding your son strawberries. My daughter, also ASD, LOVES them and eats them by the bushel. She still has Autism. 😉

    Reply

  204. barbara
    April 4, 2015 @ 9:23 pm

    I DON’T KNOW WHY WE ALL HAVE DIFFERENT GUESS, I BELIEVE IT’S THE MILK,SIMILAC, EMFAMIL ECT.(CHEMICALS) AND THEN DISPOSABLE DIAPERS (CHEMICALS) some people have stronger minds and or bodies but I still think there’s a link
    however, I have work in this field for over 10 years and it is a pleasure teaching children with autism. Any progress they make just melts your heart AND I LOVE WHAT I DO.

    Reply

  205. embracethespectrum
    April 18, 2015 @ 6:59 pm

    I’ve come to a place of acceptance with my son and his autism and he was bornded with it too. 🙂 Yeah. We go through good days and bad, but in the end, he is him and we love him for it.

    Reply

  206. Mike
    May 18, 2015 @ 10:08 am

    Wow, I didn’t think of things that way. I mean, I have autism myself, and I never thought it was a PART of me; rather, it was a curse that I have to live with. But to hear someone say that a person with autism is exactly the way they’re supposed to be…it’s really humbling, to be honest. I never thought I’d make it, what with my abysmal social skills and how they’ve hindered my ability to make friends, but I’m turning 27 in two months, I am among a community of some of the best friends I’ve ever had, I’ve got a full-time job at my father’s office, I got married to the loveliest lady I’ve ever met, exactly one month ago, and I’m able to be happy; truly happy, for what feels like the first time in a very long time. I just want to say thank you for your kind words; this article really made me feel like I’m exactly the way I’m supposed to be.
    I just need to work on those abysmal social skills.

    Many thanks.

    Reply

  207. Chloe
    May 30, 2015 @ 1:16 am

    Let me see…..
    My son is not circumcised, not vaccinated (no heavy metal there), love strawberries, got breastfed till 17 months, used cloth diapers for some time, we bonded right away and had an instant eye to eye connection and he pretty much lived his first few months in my arms and I even sensitized him for the common allergen before 12 months as recommended in the most recent studies…. the rest I cannot say for sure…

    Today…. we are somewhere high functioning in the autism spectrum and allergic to wheat, milk, peanut, egg, sesame seed (but none of these gave him a clear allergic reaction, it was kind of a random test that came up surprising)…..

    I am forever grateful my husband and I I took those parenting decision because today I would go crazy nut wondering, feeling potentially guilty for the rest of my life… and because some of the allergies, some of these decisions were actually potentially life saving too….

    Reply

  208. Maria
    August 12, 2015 @ 6:01 pm

    My twins will be 12 soon. My daughter is a beautiful and defiant tween. My son is a handsome, funny, sometimes thoughtful, always anxious boy who has autism. Yes, I’ve wondered where it came from. Not too much as I have cousins who are autistic as well. But I’ve come to realize that while I sometimes blame myself, knowing what caused him to be like this is like knowing why strawberries are red and not purple. Will that knowledge make them anymore enjoyable? My son has struggles. Our lives are sometimes consumed with managing his outbursts. But I wouldn’t change a thing. Our little family of three is perfect as it is. Do I sometimes despair for him? Of course. But most times I choose to focus on he positive has brought to my life and the lives of people around him. Thank you for writing this. Your family is amazing.

    Reply

  209. Kimberly Perry
    August 31, 2015 @ 6:02 pm

    As the lead therapist for my school district’s autism division for the past 16 years, I thought I knew a lot. Then, I had an unexpected child 5 years ago at 38 years old who is cognitively years advanced over a typical child his age, but who also has a severe autism diagnosis……God has a sense of humor. This article reminds me of my husband’s reaction to the diagnosis. Where I know too much, my husband, Tim, knows too little, and it’s actually a very good balance. When I told him of the test results and diagnosis, he responded, “Okay, well, if that’s the case, he’s had it for 3 years, so it doesn’t change anything”. When I said that our son was going to have lifelong challenges to overcome, Tim replied, “Yes, and we will help him through those, but he’s the happiest kid on the planet! Isn’t that all we want, for him to be truly happy?”. Of course, I responded with, “Yes!!! But, Tim….don’t you want him to be as typical as possible??!!!”. He looked over at our son, looked back at me with a huge smile and said, “I want him to be whatever God wants him to be”. That’s pretty hard to argue with. In that moment, I was reminded why I married my husband. He looks at this beautiful little blonde boy and sees only perfection.

    Reply

    • Rachael
      October 12, 2015 @ 9:09 am

      Carrie .. it may be true that your son was born autistic, however this is not true of all autistic children. I know this because 30 or 40 years ago, 1 child in thousands was autistic ( no more than 1 in 2,500 children). Now the ratio is somewhere between 1 in 60 and 1 in a hundred. This is a significant increase in autism which the medical community does not explain except to say it’s not from the vacines. There are some details, that suggest vaccines play a part in the greatly increased number of autistic children. Firstly, the percentage of autism seems to have increased with the increased number of vaccines. At the time (30 yrs ago) autism was 1 in thousands, we got about 6 shots before we were 5 years. Now the children get about 35 shots which means the rate of autism has increased along with the increase in the number of vaccines — can’t help noticing this. Also, I keep hearing that the Amish don’t vaccinate their children, and they don’t have any perceptible autism amongts their children. I wouldn’t accuse you of acting smart as you are not flaunting credentials as a basis for your assertions.

      Rachael

      Reply

    • Rachael
      October 12, 2015 @ 9:30 am

      Carrie .. it may be true that your son was born autistic, however this is not true of all autistic children. I know this because 30 or 40 years ago, 1 child in thousands was autistic ( no more than 1 in 2,500 children). Now the ratio is somewhere between 1 in 60 and 1 in a hundred. This is a significant increase in autism which the medical community does not explain except to assert it’s not from the vacines, and to viciously attack those of don’t submit to their “herd immunity” PC reality. There are some details that suggest vaccines play a part in the greatly increased number of autistic children. Firstly, the percentage of autism seems to have increased with the increased number of vaccines. At the time (30 yrs ago) autism was 1 child in thousands; we got about 6 shots before we were 5 years. Now the children get about 35 shots which means the rate of autism has increased along with the increase in the number of vaccines — can’t help noticing this. Also, I keep hearing that the Amish don’t vaccinate their children, and they don’t have any perceptible autism amongts their children. Much luck with your child.

      Rachael

      Reply

  210. maxine Harper
    October 7, 2015 @ 1:09 am

    Carrie, As I read your story I was lifty up to heaven. We are all created by GOD in his image. and he does not take time to create NOBODYS. We were told My 3 yr. old grandson has autism. We dont love him any less and proble even more. With all the love you can give him the more he will give to you.
    Childern are very amazing peaple. Special need childern gives more of everything because they have more to give from the heart. Remember to Love and Teach him that he is special that God did not create nobobys Push him to fine what God has enstill in him to give back to others.He will be a very happy person in life A Gommie of a very speacil grand child. You are in my prays. Max Brady

    Reply

  211. Lisa Willard
    October 15, 2015 @ 5:29 pm

    I’m going on 25 years with my husband who has high functioning Autism (Aspergers). We had only one child (now nineteen), who has it, but more importantly it is blatantly obvious in our family that it is genetic. 13 people in my husbands family have it. Every single decendant was passed along this incredible strong gene starting with my husbands great-grandmother because that is as far back any living family member can recollect. Fortunately for my husband, I recognized his disorder early in our marriage which lead to acceptance and early response for our son. The other 11 members of his family have had torrid lives and have been plague with inabilities to care for themselves. Now one of the 5th generation has had a child and we will see if his child has it.

    Reply

  212. Alex Shinn
    November 13, 2015 @ 5:08 pm

    i have this but no one else in my family has it. I do not know what to do. I want to know how I got this if no one else in my family has it.

    Reply

  213. Martin Head
    January 2, 2016 @ 9:42 pm

    Hi Thank you I enjoyed reading this article.

    I have identical twins boys 1 has high functioning ASD and 1 doesn’t. He has had a diagnosis since starting school and has one to one supervision all day. Both boys are healthy with no problems at all and no eating disorders, and there were no problems during pregnancy. they have no allergies and no eating problems, and no-one in either close family has any similar problems.
    we noticed the difference maybe really from about the age of 2-3, there was some regression he started speaking first before his twin and then stopped never spoke for a long while and then it was different. watching videos of them at younger ages there is no difference laughing and smiling.
    we love them both equally and the times can be trying, i am torn between feeling sorry for the one that doesn’t want to play the games, and the one that wants his brother to play games with him, we just concentrate on the stuff we can do together as a family and slowly things get better. The new game for Christmas was Twister and this has been a success.
    So the cause is like a mystery, they did have MMR jabs at different times but we do not think of this as a reason for any of the problems, but maybe an interesting fact.

    We love the both to bits. 9yrs old going strong.

    Reply

  214. Katrina
    January 11, 2016 @ 8:48 pm

    I loved this blog entry so much I wrote a blog about it! Thank you Carrie. Insightful, honest, and refreshing.
    http://theautismblog.seattlechildrens.org/separating-autism-from-the-person-with-autism/

    Reply

  215. Cora
    January 17, 2016 @ 10:24 pm

    I see this is an old article but I thought you might like to know ( and maybe you already do) that seeing a different color for each week day is real thing. I learned about it in high school and someone i knew had it. It’s called synaesthesia

    Reply

  216. Melanie
    January 21, 2016 @ 6:17 pm

    So beautifully written. Thank you for sharing.

    Reply

  217. Jennifer
    January 25, 2016 @ 4:58 am

    Thank you so much for sharing! Having a child on the spectrum is an adventure. We laugh…… a lot. Sometimes it is to keep from crying. We deal with others looking at us as terrible parents when a meltdown happens in public. I am not looking for a cure. I am looking for a cause. It is not because autism inconveniences me or that I care what others think. It is because I see a bright and beuatiful child trapped by something we cannot control. It is like someone giving you your dream car or home and saying….here you go but you can never have the keys to experience it. I see his anxiety and his discomfort, his inability to handle stress snd find things that he csn enjoy. I also see the stress of my other children who are loving but sometimes walk on eggshells to avoid his meltdowns. I also am amazed by my two non spectrum children. They are active participants in their brother s care and life. They desperately want their brother. .. and for that reason I want a cause. No family should ever have to experience the suffering of a child.

    Reply

  218. Jessica
    November 30, 2016 @ 9:11 am

    I learn a lot from it.. Really interesting! We also work for Autism. We sell medicine and other medical products for them at a lowest price.They can easily buy their medicine from from NHS Heroesat the lowest price. Thank you so much.

    Reply

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